Help, i am at a loss as to what to do about this family member

6 Comments

Hi,
So basically this family member has decided i offended ger. That i don’t respect her or my own parents. That i am arrogant. My mom told me it’s because when she came over and mom was here to help me when i gave birth to my 2nd, i would say to mum that i was hungry or to serve dinner. She reckons i treated my mum as a servant.
Now my question is why does she think i disrespected my mum when mum doesn’t think so?
Also she is upset with me because
1) last year i was at her house and discussing my eldest’s bday with her son and he asked if i was coming to his daughter’s party. He then turned around and asked her and she said oh so she get asked first and i, the grandma, gets asked 2nd? Then he got upset that she was making a big deal out of this and she pretended she was just joking.
2) she would often ring me at all hours to tell me she had an argument with her son. I would then try and explain to her where her son was coming from and she would then start saying to me that i was taking his side.
3) she insisted i call her my cousin when she is my mum’s cousin and now gets all iffy because i treat her like a buddy. That was her actual words too
4) she used to gush that i was a surrogate daughter as her own daughter moved interstate.

Back in january she told me she needed space so i told her to call me. Then since my youngest was turning one i decided to try and reconnect so i sent her a text explaining that the birthday was coming up and she was welcome to come to the party if she wanted to. I also explained why she had not received a fb invite (because she had blocked me). She replied back that she had already made plans and stressed the part that i said “if she wanted to” in that and added that she would have called me. I replied back that no one got a phone invite and that i was attempting to make peace. I said the ball was in her court and she got very nasty. So i ended up telling her to call me if she needed me and thanked her for the pst and good bye
I told my mum that i was washing my hands of her

Out of reapect for my parents i don’t want to tell her to get the hell out of my life but wondering if i should?
Anyone?

Posted by regine_kong, 26th October 2016

6 Comments

- - mom81879 said
  - 29 Jan 2017
    11:43 am
When it comes down to it, it all depends how much stress and distress this situation brings you. You may have to cut her out to rid yourself of these issues

- - mom81879 said
  - 27 Oct 2016
    9:16 am
Family issues and politics are so very hard to navigate sometimes. As for when your mum was helping out after your 2nd bub, quite often we can’t see how we treat people close to us, it takes a pair of outsider eyes to notice. Your mum is probably so used to it she doesn’t notice it either, so wasn’t offended. As for the rest of it, I have no advice to offer. Myself, I would be inclined to let her go, leave it up to her if she wishes to make contact. I wouldn’t want to keep trying with someone who reacts nastily, you can do without that ay
- regine_kong replied
  
  01 Nov 2016 , 1:13 pm
  Thank you. I will add that her relationship with her mum is quite different to the one i have with mine. As an adult mum and i treat each other as friends. I guess that is what she found disrespectful.
- - mom176887 said
  - 26 Oct 2016
    8:16 pm
This is a complicated situation. It is hard to understand from what you have said but it sounds like you are doing all the right things to keep a relationship open. Your question is whether you should bother? It is perhaps a little academic since it appears she is not responding to your invitations to connect. Perhaps just carry on as you are. She is basically out of your life from her response and fb status etc. You can maintain your respectful attitude where “if she wants to connect you are agreeable” and leave it at that. Chances are she might just not bother, and if she does then take it from there with trying to work out where you are both coming from. (with the cousin thing it is confusing since second and third cousins once and twice removed etc. are sometimes just called cousins even when removed a generation – so don’t worry too much about using that word).
- mom172741 replied
  
  31 Oct 2016 , 9:27 am
  I think you have provided sound advice. I would add that the relationship seems to run off the drama and by being at peace and leaving the door open you are not continuing the drama cycle.
  - regine_kong replied
    
    01 Nov 2016 , 1:16 pm
    
    Thank you. Yes she feeds off drama. She refuses to acknowledge when she has done/said the wrong thing, is an observation from her son.

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