I would probably start by asking the child care centre how they feel about it. If it is causing them problems – and I can see how it might – then that gives Mum a good way to open the conversation. It is difficult,b ecause I understand both her feelings and the way it could look petty.

Sometimes a round table discussion can help to sort out these family issues. It is a good idea for families to discuss rules and boundaries for how families work. Everyone gets to be heard and everyone needs to be respectful; it is incredibly important for families to work together to communicate.

I can totally understand why your MIL wants to spend time with her granddaughter and obviously if she’s at a daycare where she works its quite easy for her to do at times. I think id be more upset if she didn’t want to spend time with her but I am surprised the daycare staff are ok with it unless she knows someone there personally?

I did find support from the staff of the NICU, who confirmed and verbalised to my mother in law that visits should be in agreement with the parents and explained that my daughter considering her condition was very weak and tired quickly. Still it was hard to take for my mother in law

You are sick and need treatment what a nasty person you are

I think it’s wrong that your MIL thinks she has the right to visit your daughter at daycare without making sure it’s alright with you first. Isn’t there a day care where you work. If not, I’d sit down with your MIL and let her know you’re finding it difficult knowing she’s spending a lot more time with your daughter than you can.

It is a little rude that she is visiting her grandchild without actually saying anything or asking the parents. However, if this is the only issue that she has with MIL, I think that jealously is the biggest factor here and I can completely understand it. I don’t think it’s worth rocking the boat over as there are going to come times when you might want a babysitter.

I think it’s lovely that your mother-in-law comes to see her grandchild. Imagine if you went to work and she looked after your child at home. She would see her all the time. If it causes a problem with day care that’s different. Your grandchild will grow up knowing that her family loves and cares about her.

I would be so grateful to have a mother in law that cares and loves my baby so much. I would have no problem with this situation at all, especially if is okay with the day care centre.

I think you need to take a breath and think this through. She works in the same building and it’s lovely that she is excited to spend time with her. I am surprised that it is allowed but that is an issue for the centre. It may be very small. Time will fly and your daughter won’t be there for long. Let them have a loving relationship. I’d laugh and enjoy the fact that Nanna loves her.

I felt exactly the same when my eldest was in NICU. She was bor prem too with a birh weight of 880gm. I too discovered my mother in law visiting causing my daughter to be too tired for me. I tried to discuss it with my mother in law suggesting to ask us first. She didn’t take it very well claiming it was her grand daughter and she had all right to be there.

To be honest I think it’s strange to visit the day care centre to spend time and play with your child or grand child. Mind you when all parents and or grand parents would do this: it would be utterly and total chaos. Child care centres have a certain structure and a pogram to run, it should be respected.

It sounds to me like you need to let go of this jealousy. Life is short, make the most of time with family. My mother in law died shortly after we got married and our children never got to even meet her. Maybe you feel a bit of guilt for working which you shouldn’t, you’re helping to provide for your family

I am somewhat surprised that any parent or relative would be able to stay regularly for that amount of time at a care facility. I would assume there would be rules and regulations in place and also schedules and routines. It appears there may also be layers to this issue and the relationships.

As a former daycare worker, I can tell you that with all the regulations in place at centres, it’s not right for your MIL to be visiting and staying at the daycare for long visits. Daycare carers have enough to watch and do without having to worry about a Nanna also in the room, meaning the carers also have to pay attention to what she is doing. In my experience, visitors are not encouraged to stay more than five minutes as it disrupts the child’s routine. Please be aware that all carers have to have special clearances to work in a daycare and visitors whether they be family or not are not trained to actually be there underfoot for long periods of time.
Yes, it’s nice that the Nanna wants to visit with the child, but it does impede the carers working with all the children in the centre and as the parents are paying for daycare, then the Nanna is disrupting the child’s interaction within the centre which can cause issues.
I think the Nanna can find time to see the child away from daycare thereby not causing any friction between the mother and also the daycare workers, who are just doing their job,

I personally don’t think this would bother me as my child would be seeing a familiar face and getting lots of time with nana. It’s important for kids to have a good relationship with their grandparents and if the daycare didn’t mind then I don’t feel for me it would be a concern.

I can relate to how the new mum feels. My first was born 9 weeks premature and spent a lot of time in the NICU. I found out my mother-in-law was going in and visiting her without me knowing on a regular basis. I only found out when, one day, I went to go feed my baby and she was too exhausted to be taken out of the humidicrib and fed. It’s hard to explain what I felt, but I felt like my position in my baby’s life was being undermined. There is a big difference between someone caring for your child as part of their job and caring for your child in a familial sense, and it can hurt if someone is able to be more of a mum to your child than you can. The baby is only 5 months old, so mum may also be struggling with post-natal depression, making her feel a lot worse than about it all than she probably normally would. All that aside, though, what about the other children? As the baby gets older, how are other children going to feel when one child has someone special going into the daycare and playing with them while they don’t? The child will become a target due to jealousy by other children. I also feel sorry for the staff. Surely they feel like they are being supervised and watched? In the end, I think mum needs to come up with an arrangement that makes her feel better, not the MIL. MIL has been there, done that. Now let this mum parent her child the way she wants.

How delightful for your MIL AND your child to have this extra time together. This can only be good for both of them. Please try to see the positives in this situation.
If the center has any issues with the situation I’m sure they are able to bring them up on a professional way.
I am constantly urging my mum to spend some time at Daycare reading to the children for both her own sense of wellbeing and my child’s.
I think you need to put the green eye monster back in its corner.

What a lucky situation to be in! Your daughter gets all this extra special time with a familiar and safe person. You are so lucky and really need to do some self reflection and self work on your perspectives. An extra set of hands at daycare? Your MIL will know the rules, or will be told the rules, and there’s one less kid for daycare to watch!!

I think this is a awful way too think. Terrible if you were to tell her not to see her grandchild maybe you can separate your own issues with not seeing your baby enough and work less and spend less money so you can look after and spend time with your baby. Your expensive tastes and having to work so much are tge issue. Poor grandma having to deal with you.