I know it’s not a new issue, but I have something to say about it.
The Black Dog – Depression.
First a little background on me: I was born to parents who weren’t married with 3 older siblings. My mum was a stay at home mum as far as I know and my dad was and still is an interstate truck driver. I’m the youngest, so I’ve always learnt from my siblings and others around me. My mother was an alcoholic, but I don’t remember any of that seeing as how my siblings and I were taken away when I was 4 years old. My two eldest siblings were put with family, but my youngest brother and I were placed in foster homes.
4 years later was one of the biggest hits of my life that will still hurt for the rest of my life – my mother was killed. I was lacking a mother figure since 4 years old and it was not long after her death that I realised that I would never have one. This is when I believe my childhood ended and I was forced to grow up earlier than I should have. It’s also when I believe that the growling of that black dog started to ever so slowly creep up on me.
I have been seeing psychologists on and off from then until now (I’m now 21) most of which I hated going to because there just wasn’t that rapport. At 16 I finally found a psychologist that I liked and felt I could talk freely to which helped me get rid of the mongrel that was now in my forefront everyday.
I fell pregnant at 19 to a man who could care less about me as the mother of his son and even less as a woman. This didn’t bother me until about 4 months postpartum and that black dog came back with one hell of a vengeance. I was diagnosed with post natal depression with psychotic symptoms – the damn dog grew a new head or two! I was admitted to a mother and baby unit (Peri-natal and Infant Inpatient Unit) at a huge hospital with my son where I was treated and supported everyday for 5 weeks.
Now to what I started this story for:
It is okay to feel! It’s okay to show the world how you feel because we all know that no one is invincible. If you want to cry, fall to the floor and belt your heart out; you’re not any less of a person for doing so. If you want to scream, grab a pillow and scream until you’re out of breath; you’re not any less of a person for doing so. If you need to talk, find that one person who has always been there for you and talk their ear off; you’re not any less of a person for doing so. If you’re worried about your mental health, talk to your GP; you’re not any less of a person for doing so.
Being human means being faulted, but the faults are what makes everyone unique and perfect – I know, it’s cliche! Having kids is hard whether you’re a single mum or not and we all know that we have to be strong for our kids. However, strength comes from overcoming hurdles and from the people that help keep your head above the water.
There is NEVER a fight that you have to fight alone.
Posted by noxx, 23rd November 2014