Just a word of warning, this blog may just tick off some of you. Please feel free to leave your comments, but keep it clean as this is a family friendly blog.
Now to start my rant, why is it some mothers think their way is the only way? Why are mothers no longer supporting each other? Why is it we now cut each other down and make each other feel like we’re doing things wrong? Why? These days it seems like motherhood/parenthood is a competition, a competition I would like no part of. I know some mothers have good intentions, but really, some need to stop and think before they open their mouths or write things. Sometimes the things that are said and written can be very hurtful and have a ripple effect, a ripple that could potentially be devastating. Yes, we seek advice, but much of the time when you seek advice you are judged and treated like you should be in prison. Below are some of the things I see and hear other mothers misguiding and treating each other on.
Breastfeeding versus formula feeding. If you decide not to breast feed your infant and nourish them by other means, age appropriate, then what business is it of others to judge and make the care giver feel like they are completely useless and worse. I read on a “mothers” group page where one lady asked about getting her 18 month old to continue taking the bottle as she was back in fulltime work, only for her to be greeted with “you’re a mother, breastfeed”. I was mortified. Have people just thrown their brains away. Do we know why the mother does not breastfeed? It could be because she just doesn’t want to, or a medical reason, returning to work etc, but should we judge her for wanting to feed her child with formula or milk? NO! We all know the breast vs. formula will always be a debate, but seriously, it’s the care givers choice. The so called scientific evidence changes so very often in regards to the benefits of breast and formula. But hey, I was not breast fed, and I don’t go around eating carpet, or walk backwards, there is nothing wrong with me, I think. As for compassion, some mothers don’t have them.
Disposable vs. Cloth. Oh, the evil mother I am, I make my baby wear disposables. Yes, I tried cloth, and found I couldn’t stay on top of running the home and keeping unsoiled cloth nappies on my cherub’s bottom. Yes, I admit, I’m not super mum. I took the easy way out, so I have been told. Thank my lucky stars for Huggies, as I would have lost my marbles by now, actually, I think I lost my marbles years ago, hmmm, maybe it was because I was not breast fed. Yes, back to the nappies, it’s not at all good for the environment, but neither is most of the stuff we do, pretty sure the stuff that comes out of those cute lil tushies is toxic to the environment. If you feel happier using cloth, then by all means use cloth, and vice versa, but there is no need to bite the heads off mothers whom have chosen “the easy way” of disposables, I still have to wipe the stinky stuff.
I’ve also been told that I did the wrong thing and may have traumatized my child by putting her in prep early. It wasn’t early, or the school would not have taken her, yes, she’s on the cut off, but she is doing fine. She is actually doing better than some kids 9 months older than her. “Your daughter is very sensitive”, ah yeah, that has nothing to do with her ability to learn. That is her mentality; she is a very caring, loving and sensitive child. She does not like seeing anyone cry or be hurt in any way. She is forever smiling, even when crying, she is smiling. Her nickname since prep last year is Smiley.
Piercing your child’s ears. Wow, this is a huge one you will find everyone has an opinion on. I’ve been told I have tortured my child and put holes in her body. I did wait till she was 5 years old. Well, she asked at 5 years old. We sat and I explained to her it would hurt and she would need to care for her ears and no swimming lessons for 2 weeks etc etc. She said ok, she understood and I did take her to get them pierced. It was her choice. Much to my horror a lady on baby central said, “If she asked for a tattoo would you do it?”. I was mad as I was being crucified, so I said yes. Of course I wouldn’t. People have said, you’re doing something to her body that you can’t take back. Hmmm, I know ear piercing is not saving their lives, and is not really a good comparison but just to be a pain, should we stop immunising our kids because we can’t take it back?
Oh, I’m not even going to get into the mummy bashing you’d get if you ask about immunising your child. That would need a blog of it’s own.
As for discipline, no, I do not agree with the “you discipline your child the way you want, and I mine”. To an extent, go ahead, knock yourself out (not the kids) and discipline your child, but rest assured, as soon as you become abusive I WILL be reporting you and if it’s happening then and there in front of me, I WILL step in. One lady asked “I know someone who screams and hurts her kids frequently” to be told, mind your own business. Those children are everyone’s business in this kind of situation. They cannot protect themselves against big people. We are their protectors. I would rather report the issue, have it looked into and be told it’s ok, it’s nothing, than to find I “minded my own business” to later find the children went on to be abused and or worse.
Co sleeping vs. not. Immunise vs. not immunizing. Controlled crying etc etc.
I could go on forever about things other mum’s “give advice” to other mum’s about. But it’s just too long. It just bothers me how mothers are no longer helping each others out to raise our children. But I also think a few sayings come to mind, don’t judge a book by its cover and don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house. We’re not perfect and we all need help eventually, just some are happy to voice it and seek it, where as others like myself have decided to not ask anymore as we don’t need to be judged and made to feel like we are doing a terrible job. I know there will always be responses we don’t like or don’t want to hear, but some are just purely not thought of when they say it.
It used to be “it takes a village to raise a child”, not anymore. There’s just too many mummies who know everything out there.
Posted by 220606, 8th May 2013