Living with birth trauma - Real Mum story on MoM

My pregnancy was pretty normal up until I hit 20 weeks, and that’s when everything changed. I went for my 20-week scan and everything looked great, but that same week I noticed I was leaking fluid. I got checked out at my first OBGYN appointment and was dismissed when I mentioned it, so I assumed it was normal. I kept leaking on and off for the next couple of weeks and I had some mucous come out and I knew it was my mucous plug. I went to emergency due to some pain at 22+3 days pregnant but sat there for 2 hours as no one would hurry up and see me, so I went home. 2 days later the pain got worse, so I went back to emergency and lied and said I was 23 weeks, and they took me in right away. 23 weeks is when a baby is considered viable. Anyway, they told me I was 2cm dilated and I tested positive for amniotic fluid. They told me I couldn’t go home, and I had to be flown to a hospital with level 3 NICU facilities.

I was on bed rest at a hospital 3 hours from home for about 2 and a half weeks until I hit 24 weeks. That’s when I sneezed and my waters fully broke. I had contracted a UTI which had weakened my sac. They had no room left in the NICU as my baby could come any day, so I was flown to another hospital in Sydney. So now I’m about 6 hours away from home. I start getting pains the day after being at this new hospital. Pains that had me on all fours screaming for about 8 hours. I knew it was contractions, but the male doctors wouldn’t believe me. They kept trying to tell me it was my appendix. My baby was sitting low as he was only 25 weeks, and I already had a tummy from being overweight. So, in their mind, they thought my fat tummy was my pregnant belly and because I was getting contractions very low and not all over my tummy, they didn’t believe me. I ended up getting drugged with so many opioids and the pain wouldn’t stop, so they had to give me a pain epidural which was a mix of morphine and fentanyl. I had that in for 2 nights and I could still feel the spasms. After 2 nights, they took it out the following morning and I could feel my back pain come back, so the nurse made me have a shower. They toilet was next to the shower, so I thought I needed to poo, so I tried going to the toilet. Something didn’t feel right. I stood up and my baby slid right now. No contractions, no pain, nothing. He bungee jumped right out of me and was hanging by the cord. I was so lucky he didn’t hit the bathtub next to the toilet or fall on the tiles. I scooped him right up and screamed so bloody loud! My partner ran in and screamed for help. Within seconds, the room was full of nurses and doctors. I was butt naked and had my baby hanging out of me still. They finally cut him free after what felt like a lifetime. They couldn’t get my placenta out, so I needed surgery right away where I lost 2 liters of blood. My baby was alive and that’s all that mattered. I got to see him in the NICU 6 hours after he was born. He was 30cm and weighed 825 grams. My tiny little angel.

I also couldn’t provide enough milk for him due to trauma and him being so early. 4 weeks into his NICU stay we were told he wasn’t going to make it. He proved the doctors wrong. He just turned 1 a few weeks ago. He is the happiest little boy you’ll ever me considering everything he went to. We spent 10 months in hospital living away from home in hospital accommodation. It was a long and tiering road, but we finally got home a few months ago and it’s been amazing. He still requires oxygen at night, but only a tiny amount. He also has a feed tube because he hates the taste of formula, but he is starting to eat purees. So hopefully, he doesn’t have to have that much longer.

There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t blame myself for how his life started. I couldn’t give him a safe home to grow in and I couldn’t feed him. My body failed him. It failed me. But I have to remember, I kept him inside for as long as I needed, to ensure he was big enough to survive. I love him so much and I’m so proud to be his mum. He is one brave little boy.

Posted anonymously, 17th May 2024