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As a toddler, I was bitten down below by a German Sheppard.
For years, I was told I would never ever be able to have children. I never understood why, there is only minimal scarring.. However, they said there was just to much damage done.

At the age of 22. I was with a guy that told me I was his world. He chased me for 5 years, never giving up hope that we would be together and he would treat me like a Princess.
So eventually, I listened and gave him a shot. Why not, his was the type of guy I’d never go for and I thought things would be different. They were! He cheated, lied, emotionally and verbally abused me.

Things started going down hill. He had me believing that nothing ever happened and all the insecurities were just in my head. We took a break.
I went to the doctors only a week later, figuring I must just be depressed and thats why I was feeling so ill. But, to my disbeleif, I was infact PREGNANT!

The pregnancy itself was not to complicated. Apart from severe morning sickness, a couple of fake labour scares that ended me in hospital and the fact that my blood type is O negative (Meaning Anti D shots through pregnancy)
At 31 + 5 days. the father of my unborn child called me, after not really being apart of the pregnancy to start with. Telling me he hated me for ruining our lives, that he wanted me to abort her because he didnt want to ‘share’ me.
He was so angry and he had me so scared, so upset.
I hung up the phone, finished my dinner and went to the toilet. There was blood, everywhere!
Rushing to the hospital, I didn’t know what was going on.
So many thoughts running through my head…
“It’s to early”,
“Why is there blood”,
“why isn’t she moving anymore”.

Admitted into hospital, bloods were tested and there was infact amniotic fluids present. Baby was coming no matter what. The next morning, I was induced via IV. I was so scared and seeing the monitor stop occassionaly had me even more worried. Are they just losing the right spot or is her heart stopping.

By lunch, midwives broke my waters.
Machines were reading that I was having high contractions but I couldn’t feel anything, not even my baby move.
No dilation by 5pm. Nothing was happening. Contraction reading began to rise, I started feeling the tightening, the pain but still, no dilation.
By 8 pm, I was 1/2cm dilated, no more than 1/2 cm!
Contractions were now getting severe. To the point I wanted to push but I just couldn’t even try, it was to early.

9pm, the Anesthetist came to my room. Midwives and doctor explained to me that we needed to get things along or baby could certainly die.
I had the choice, go for a c section straight away or attempt an Epidural and see if it helped dilate.
Scared and shaken, of course I didn’t want to do either but it wasn’t me I could think about anymore, it was my baby.
Agreeing to the Epidural, it was explained to me that i would have had to have one for a c section anyway.
I was given a 4 hour window. If no baby by 1am, i would be whisked off for an Emergency C section.

12am, I wanted to push. Fully dilated and ready, I felt absolutely everything. Wasn’t the epidural suppose to stop the feeling, why does it burn..??? “It hadn’t completely worked”, the midwife replied. “But it’s done it’s job, now lets get this tacker outta there”.
“Just pull her out if you have too”, I scream in pain.

She crowned, then went back in, came out, went back in. FINALLY, my Chloe was born.
“Why isn’t she crying? Why is she blue”? I cry?
No one would answer me, they just went to the other side of the room with my little baby. Leaving me lay on the bed, totally confused.
3 minutes later, I hear my baby’s cry for the first time. She’s ok!
I got to hold her for 1 feed, not even 5 minutes and they took her away. Special Care Nursery. She was only 5lbs 4oz. Her temp was down and she was born not breathing.

2 days later, we were discharged from hospital. I finally have my little girl, at home safe and happy.
I fall asleep, the first night home. 4am, I wake to eeerie screams, my Mum stands over my baby girl.
“She’s not breathing Christie!”, My Mum screams.

My Mum hands me my limp, cold baby. She calls 000 while I preform CPR on my lifeless little girl.
I hear her gasp for air, “She’s ALIVE”, I yell.
Turned away by paramedics, being told she is fine and alert now. My MOTHER drives me to the hospital.
The ER also wanted to just turn us away from the hospital.
“There is something wrong with my little girl and I’m not leaving until she is looked at”.
I demanded for the midwife that delivered her to come down.
5 minutes later, she arrives. She took one look at Chloe and said “She is severely jaundice, admit her to SCN now!”.

I later found out not only was my little girl jaundice and needing phototherapy for 2 days. But she was discharged underweight (Pediatrician ‘miscalculated her discharge weight) Hmm!!)
She also had a hole in her heart, her stomach valve wasn’t closed over, lungs werent developed properly and she had mecomnium stuck in her throat.

After 3 weeks in SCN, my little girl was finally coming home. Although stuck on an apneoa monitor for a further 3 months, 24/7. She was still coming home!

Now, my miracle baby is almost 5 years old.
She recently had her tonsils and adenoids out due to apneoa epsiodes. But she is happy, healthy and here!

Always watch when your babies are being weighed!! Make sure everything is correct before leaving the hospital. I’d hate to hear of this happening to anyone else.
Holding my baby, lifeless. Is something I see every single day and probably will for the rest of my life.
Hug your babies tight, always tell them you love them!

Posted by christie_miller, 14th April 2014

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