Neurotic Mother! - Real Mum story on MoM

Do you know what I worry about as a mother? EVERYTHING!!

It is the middle of the night, Sunday night, my alarm is set for 4:50am to go for a run and I have to work tomorrow, but here I am worrying about the fact that I can’t remember whether I made my daughter brush her teeth before bed. It’s the nightly routine but I can’t remember if she brushed her teeth tonight.

It made me wonder; are there other parents out there that are neurotic like me or am I being ridiculous; do other parents ever feel like they mess everything up?

I mean, my fear is so real that I worry my daughter will be in therapy before she turns 6 (she’s currently 5). Yes, I am joking, kind of.

I know it sounds kind of funny, but I am certain on some level that I am or will in the future damage my beautiful child.

I know I always provide everything my daughter needs and I’m not out getting drunk and passing out in front of her or using any other substances, don’t ever smack her etc. it’s not that kind of damage I’m worried about. It is the nonsensical and trivial things that I magnify in my mind.

That time you fed her hotdogs for dinner when you were tired and lazy? Yep, she didn’t get nutrients and a few days later had a cold. Thanks b*&%h – you are responsible for the snot overload and misery your daughter is experiencing.

You lose your patience and raise your voice to tell your daughter for the 26th time to pack up her pencils. Well you loud mouthed (bleep) of a mother – strap in because she will probably have a nightmare tonight and it will be all your fault so you lay awake all night waiting for the nightmare that never comes and are greeted the next morning with a ray of sunshine that has completely forgotten you raised your voice. Now you’re even more tired, moron!

Oh and here is the biggie – I work. Not socially acceptable hours either. Some nights I miss bed time and there is nothing that prepares you for the guilt when you sneak in for a kiss and your partner tells you that she asked for you. So you wake up even earlier the next day to suck up with pancakes and then spend the rest of the day wondering if you are creating food issues for your daughter by using food to say sorry.

Agh!! It is exhausting being this neurotic.

Am I a moron? Absolutely!

You see, I worship my daughter. She is truly a joyous creature. She sees a rainbow and she stops dead in her tracks to admire it. She sees a pigeon with a club foot, she will insist on crumbling some bread and leaving some water for it. If she sees a species of tree she doesn’t know, she will ask a heap of questions to understand it. She wonders about the universe and everything in it and in doing so, sees the magic.

She is empathetic beyond just one lifetime. She cares about all people, animals and plants. She grieves an animal that falls victim to drought. If I have a certain look on my face, she will come and wrap me up in a hug.

She is exquisite. She is precious.

And I am terrified I will do something, say something or decide something on her behalf that will dull her shine or make her resent me in some way.

Intellectually and in my heart I know that each and every day I try to be the best parent possible to my daughter but the neurotic part of me has me doubting myself at every turn.

At the end of the day, we can do our best and hope for the best. It’s all anyone can do.

I will try my best not to agonise over every decision but I guess if ever there was something to agonise over – it would definitely be what is the best for your child. I can find comfort in that when I spend the next night sleeping beside her bed against the wall listening to her breathing because she ended up with croup because 3 months ago she went to bed with wet hair.

You get me? Yep – neurotic.

Posted by mom184101, 5th May 2016

9 Comments

- - damish70 said
  - 19 May 2016
    4:55 pm
Everyone doubts their “Mothering” capabilities from time to time but I’m certainly not consumed by them. What concerns me about you being “neurotic” is living in fear of something bad is going to happen as a consequence because of something you did or didn’t do. Stop doubting yourself & overthinking. Learn to switch off & just spend time with your daughter.

- - anniegirl said
  - 18 May 2016
    11:28 am
I can relate to a lot of your story,thanks for sharing,makes me feel kinda normal for thinking the way I do

- - mom93821 said
  - 18 May 2016
    9:57 am
Being a parent means it is natural to worry! As long as it does not overtake your every thought.

- - mom165744 said
  - 17 May 2016
    1:42 pm
Its human nature to worry as a mother. I sometimes worry about the silliest things but at the end of the day as long as your child is loved and safe that is what matters. If you forget the little things once in a while its perfectly ok.

- - mom81879 said
  - 11 May 2016
    6:39 pm
I don’t think you’re neurotic, I’ld call that just being a mum. I’m sure we all do it, I know i do and my kids don’t even life at home anymore. It means you care

- - rachelvk said
  - 10 May 2016
    8:39 pm
I am a worrier. My husband is not. And whilst I get frustrated that he doesn’t worry enough at times, I think the two of us balance each other out and it works well in the end.

- - BellaB said
  - 07 May 2016
    4:34 pm
I think perhaps you could use a little help if this s every day – we al worry about dopey things sometimes, but if it’s constant, you probably need to calm down a touch.

- - mom90758 said
  - 06 May 2016
    11:40 am
I think you just worry too much! Just look at your daughter and how happy she is. We can always do some damage of course, but with your attitude and your constant thoughts about her, I think you are more than safe. And I understand you. I’m a worrier too. Luckily my husband is the opposite of me so, somehow, we compensate each other.

- - mom176887 said
  - 06 May 2016
    6:44 am
Interesting story. Thank you. I wasn’t sure what “neurotic” means. I read “worrier” in the end. Sort of worried all the time about doing the best, especially for your child? If you aren’t enjoying your worry some ideas in a book “Think less; Be More” by Christine Maingard might help. It’s about living in the “presenting moment” and reducing stress. Once I got round to reading it, it was liberating!