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. I wanted to share my story I’m a proud mummy of an angle baby boy and a nearly 6year old boy.

My story starts back in 2006 at only 28weeks a first time mum. Little did I know this day was going to turn into a night mare. (I have decided not to put the day or month or my childrens names in this bug wanted to share) I was currently in a domestic voilence relastionship had been for 3yrs as as I was 19 I was to scare of him to leave. One horrible day at 28weeks he bashed me while on holidays half and hour into it I started feeling this horrible pain in my belly I was crying and screaming at him to take me to the hospital which he finaly did after 3hrs I got to the hospital to be told I was in labour. After 10hrs of pain and refusing drugs for it I was told my babys heart beat was gone an hr later I gove birth to my first son the tried so hard to revive my son but he just was never meant to be with me. I held my son for a while befor letting him go. 2dags later I said my finaly good byes to my little angle. I have never realy talked about it or what has happen to any one and at the time I had no family around so no one in my famkly knew I had a baby or that I was even pregnant. Thankfuly a week later my partner at the time took off to see the girl he was cheating on me with and left me at his parents place they helped me pack my stuff up and took it to a friends and I took off out of state to a distant aunts place and stayed with her for 6months befor returning to my home state and getting my own place. I started to talking to my family again and in this time I had also made a few near friends and meant another guy who I thought was great but the day I told him I was pregnant he left me and iv never heard from hin again. I was alone pregnant scared and couldn’t except my unborn baby cause of what happen befor. I was 14weeks pregnant when I met this realy nice guy wel I thought he was! After a month of getting to know eater he asked me out I said yes he helped me to over come being being scared and helped me to start excepting my unborn baby and even took me out shopping for my unborn baby. I went to my midwifes appointment as the next day I was due to have my baby she said he defiantly wouldn’t be here tomorow so she said wants to induce me in a week. When she said that broke down in tears as the date marked 2 years since I lost my angle. Now all the fear came back and I was not looking forward to having my baby. On the date to be induced I woke up at 6am for no reason that I knew of. So Iight the candle for my little able that I do every year and decided to take a bath to relax me. At 7am I felt that horrible pain I once felt when I was jnlabour with my angle. I got our of the bath that quickly that I stil can’t work out how I didn’t since I hadn’t been able to get out of the bath on my own in 2months. I was 41weeks and woken up my parnter who at first didn’t believe I was in labore til I had a contraction and squeezed his hand and nearly broke it. We rang the hospital the ask me to go straight in so I did the put me on monitors to keep cheap of bubs heart beat and my contractions at 9.30am I no longer could feel my contractions but I was getting them every 2mins. 10hrs had past when the midwife came in and said I’m going to break ur waters and Hopefuly you will feel your contractions again sure enough I did. I was in that much pain I asked for drugs so they give me pethadine which what drug I asked for in my birth plan. It did nothing to help the pain my contraction were still 2mins apart the doctor agreed to give me another lot which didn’t work ever by nw I had been in labour for 14 and half hours and was starting to get tired the pain was no longer keeping me awake and hr goes by then the midwife spoke I heard the horrible words once again we have lost your babys heart beat. I just started crying and saying not again. An hr later I manage to finaly get my babys head out but he was stuck so they had to do an episiotomy and pull him out the rest of the way. I looked up as the pulled him out he was dark purple there was no sound coming from him he flopped around like a rag doll unfortantly my partner never got to cut his cord as they were to much in a hurry. All I kept saying while they tried to revive my son was please god let my baby make it. I screamed at my partner to go check on my baby (I didn’t mean to I was just heart broken this was happening again) 10mins after giving birth I heard that newborn cry ever one talks about. Omg my baby was alive I couldn’t believe it till he was in my arms he was just perfect. He stoped crying once I held him. He looked just like me as a baby and his older brother. I told him how lucky he was and that I wil always love him. I had tears I’d sadness and happness that day. My little angle son was defiantly watching over us that day and made sure his brother stayed with me. After alot of test I was told that my son was perfectly fine and at 2days old I got to take him home. Watching my son grow up and doing everything early has been a joy sadly after he was born I ended up going through domestic voilence again with my partner who took on the rule to be my son dad and to this day stil is. Our relastionship. Ends when my son was 6months old as I couldn’t bring my self to stay even though I loved him the love for my son was stronger so I left to protect my son. I have been on my own ever since and happy that way. My ex is stil a great dad to my son and wouldn’t hurt him just me. 3yrs ago I found out he was infact cheating on me the whole time we where together and he married the girl he cheated on me with. I have moved on so it doesn’t bother me like it use too. I now sit here thinking how lucky I am to have one of my son and my other son watching over his little brother in a few wks we will be celebrating my second son 6th birthday and greving that it’s been 8yrs since I lost my first son. Not a day goes by I wish I had them both but I’m glad they both share there birthday and I also give them both the same middle name. So it truly is one sad but happy day. I don’t know if the future holds more children for me or not. I am happy with my son I couldn’t of asked for a better son. There isn’t a thing I would change about him. He started school this year and is living up to his me. He’s every thing like me not just looks he is also very smart and talented like I am and is advance for his age he makes me very proud to be his mummy. I am now going to university to study thebone thing invade always wanted to do which is forensic science. I want to give my son the best future possible after he went through alot at birth just to stay here with me.

I just want to say thanks you for reading the shorten story of what has happen. I do wish nun of u have Rocco through what I have. Lossing my first son at 19 was very hard even harder to have my second son at 21 and on the same date nearly losing him too. At 27 now I have come to live by that there was a reason behind why I lost my first son and why my second son servived. I truely am blessed and proud to be a mummy of an angle baby boy and a nearly 6yr old boy

Thank you all again with out other parents to share my story too I wouldn’t have any one as my family jugs dont want ro know

Posted by mandyjane, 7th December 2013

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