I am a daughter in law, I am currently finding it difficult to get on with my mother in law because of boundary issues and lack of respect. If your son has asked for particular help because he is struggling with the way his life treats him, please ask him to talk to her about it and seek help together as a couple. If you jump in to try and rescue him or reinforce his issues then it won’t help the situation in the long run. My mother in law was an influential factor in why my husband’s first marriage didn’t work. My main issues with her is that she was rocking up to our house unannounced up to 5 days a week and on odd occasions letting herself in when we were not home or not waiting for us to answer the door before entering. She would just come and do stuff around the house thinking she was helpful but never asked us if we wanted the help. We are currently having to deal with the fall out of me challenging the authority I have in my own home. Try and reflect on what it maybe that you are each doing that causes the other anxiety, stress or tension. Seek some help. I want a relationship with my mother in law but if she can’t respect some simple boundaries that my husband and I need then she won’t be welcome in our home and I love the woman.

As a daughter in law it can be just as tough for us. I am very fortunate to have a great relationship with mine (it helps she lives in a different state). I sometimes joke that if she ever had to she would choose me over hubby,,, lol. But seriously despite our good relationship I still often feel like I’m not doing a good enough job looking after her son. The dynamics between MIL and DIL can be difficult. I hope it all works out for you!

You need to give her a little latitude – things change when a child marries, and you all have to adjust.

Your son has chosen this lady to be his life partner. She is raised with family values different from yours…just different, not saying it is better or worse. Treat them as a new family unit and you may come to really appreciate their “new, different to yours” family value system. Please just give it time and not give up on having a relationship with this daughter in law.

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  • • bronnie replied
    • 08 Jan 2016 , 8:56 pm

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  Thank you all your comments have really made me settle.

yeah they are married so they will be a team. surely she wan ts the best for him too

Over the years i have had a few run ins with my mother in law, but i think this was due to her been use to been the only female in the family, and me been use to having a opinion. (my husbands parents have no family at all here in australia) and he is a only child. Then he meet me and we had kids… It has taken a while but we now get along ast she just adores the kids and is a great grandma. As they say men marry someone that reminds them of their mother for love and to do the washing, feed them and clean the house.
But all men need their mum and dad it might just take him time to realise that and to work on his wife so everyones happy and gets along…

Thank you all for some great comments,that have helped me open my eyes up.

Your sons have chosen to create their own families with women they love. Support them and their choices – otherwise you are pushing them away. Yes it’s hard, but they are independent adults now.

Such a hard thing to work though I hope it gets better for you

Its such a common thing, personality clash between daughter and mother in law but i think everyone needs to try to get a long and keep peace.

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 04 Jan 2016 , 7:09 am

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  These relationships do require work as they can be tough at times.

It is hard . At the moment due to personality clashes, one of my sister in law hates my mother . It is so bad that on Xmas which was held at my other brothers place , that she chose not to come in case she was ” triggered ” and my brother came on his own with his 8 month old and 4 year old son . He said it was better off that way , so he accepted it . What can you do .

Dynamics do change when people get married and roles adjust. Relationships develop and change and it is best to make the most of the changes to roles.