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I had a dream. My dream was to get married to the love of my life and have a family. I lived the good life in my 20′s. I worked in the music industry, hung out with rock stars and just had fun. When I reached 30, I knew it was time to say goodbye to the single days and get married. So, I met my husband, three months later we were engaged and ten months later we were married. Five months after we said “I do,” we found out I was pregnant. Two of my biggest dreams were coming true in one year! How lucky I felt.

I had a long and exhausting pregnancy. I didn’t exercise. I didn’t eat well. I lived off of Jerry’s Deli chocolate chip cookies and pasta. I was sick a lot. I would fall asleep as soon as I sat down. I’d wake up hours later and not know what happened to the day or if I remembered to eat or drink. The days became a blur. The one thing I always remembered though was “OMG I HAVENT FELT THE BABY MOVE IN AN HOUR. I HAVE TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL.” I was obsessed. I would sit down and wonder how my unborn son was doing in my stomach every second of every day (unless, of course, I was asleep).

I knew what depression and OCD was. I experienced it at age 19 when I had to leave college and stay in bed for months while we figured out what medication would work for me. But, I was stable and good to go for years. I stayed on my one anti-depressant while I was pregnant. The doctor said it was safe. What I did not see, though, was how bad my OCD had gotten while I was pregnant. I drove my husband crazy. I drove my OBGYN crazy since I was calling her multiple times a day. I had too many ultrasounds to make sure the baby was still in there alive and kicking.

As my husband and I drove to the hospital on May 13th, 2008, to deliver the baby, we were calm. After all, we knew what was going to happen. I would be given something called Pitocin, which helps induce labor. I knew I wanted that epidural for sure. Then we just thought I’d push, and our beautiful baby would finally be with us. Our lives would be even more complete. Our dreams fulfilled. Off into the sunset.

But, we had it wrong. Epidurals, Pitocin, drugs. Pushing, not pushing. Episiotomy. Two days later, my son was born. The first day was fine. The second day was great. We had lots of visitors and I fell in love with this little angel. I was tired but I was happy he was with us. Lots of happy pictures were taken with family and friends. Smiles and more smiles.

On the third morning, we were released from the hospital. Besides some pain, I was ok. I was eating and sleeping. I was also in love. The first night home, the three of us went to bed. The next morning, the old Lindsay was back. As I went downstairs to see my parents (who were staying with us) I suddenly wanted to cry. I sat down on the couch and stared at the floor. I was depressed. But this time, I had a baby to take care of. I looked at my mother. She saw it. No more eating, no more sleeping, no more happy Lindsay. I could handle that. But, what I couldn’t handle was how I now felt with my son. I loved him. I wanted to be with him, but I couldn’t. And, the internal voices had started; the same depressed feeling was back: How am I supposed to care for this baby? I can’t do this. I need a do over. I shouldn’t have had a baby yet.

That was the beginning of my journey with PPD.

Six years later my son is beautiful, smart and so sweet. He became a rock star – more so than the ones I used to work with. Me however, I’m still working on it. I’m not a rock star yet. I still have PPD, but I’m ok. I know what’s real and what’s not. I know that I need to take medication, eat right and sleep right. I don’t always follow those rules but when I do, I feel better

Three years after I had Hunter I met Jamielyn Lippman and Tanya Newbould, two women who were producing a documentary on PPD. They interviewed me. It felt so great to be heard and to tell my story. I also volunteered at Postpartum Support International. I knew that others could learn from my experiences.

And, so, now I’m a subject in their documentary, called “When the Bough Breaks.” It is a film designed to blow the lid off this silent condition; a film which will raise awareness about this illness. Too many women do not know that they can get this after they give birth. They do not know that 1 in 7 women get PPD after childbirth. Their one moment of joy can turn to total depression, with seemingly no way out.

Who are the faces of PPD? This illness does not discriminate with race, age, gender or economic status.

This film reveals the stories of some incredibly brave women with PPD. It asks the questions that need to be answered: Why do more women not know about PPD before they have a baby? Why do OBGYN, pediatricians and hospitals not inform new mothers about PPD? Why do hospitals not provide support to women giving birth for the first time? What options of recovery are there?

There are so many questions which have previously gone unanswered. We hope to do it with this film. And, we need your help. Please share our Facebook link https://www.facebook.com/pages/When-The-Bough-Breaks-a-documentary-about-postpartum-depression/357261354412414 and donate what you can. http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/when-the-bough-breaks-a-documentary-about-postpartum-depression/x/6296194.

The more money we raise, the more people we can help. Let’s spread awareness for PPD!

We thank you for your support!


Posted by Lindsay Lipton Gerszt, 23rd April 2014


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  • Well done. You explained the problem so well. Hopefully the documentary is shown to new Mums to help them understand and more importantly know where to ask for help rather than try to battle on.
    Another issue that isn’t as common is expectant Mums who suffer from depression, some because they have no family support as was the case with a work colleague of mine.

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  • thankyou for sharing your story. it was written very well. this subject is not really talked about and there doesn’t seem to be so much info about it.

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  • A very insight post about a subject I’m not very familiar with, thank you for making me more aware.

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  • Thankyou for sharing, I think everyone has a story regarding these issues and it is great that they get heard.

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  • Thank you for sharing! There are so many didn’t sufferers out there and it’s great to finally read some insights of what women can feel.

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  • Thank you!


    • Thank you for all your comments and support. I always said that If I had to go through PPD and such severe depression it had to be for a reason. I hope by speaking out the reason is to raise awareness with the hopes of helping other women who are struggling. If one woman does not feel as alone by reading my story than I know that was the reason!

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  • Wow. Thank you for speaking out – it’s so much more common than we realise. I have just finished reading ‘Day Six’ about post partum psychosis (thankfully very rare), but these stories give such an essential insight into what many women are struggling through for days, months and years after having a baby. Will let my friends know about your doco (great name btw!).

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  • Thank you for being brave enough to speak up.

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  • Thank you so much for this post and taking the time to help others in a similar situation. There is so much that a lot of people are unaware of when it comes to PPD.

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  • Thank you for telling your story, we simply forget that in days gone by family’s were close by and everyone pitched in to raise a child, ie it takes a village to raise a child. With families so spread out we dont get the support we need. And a lot have to do I to their own, your story will help many thank you

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  • thank you for sharing your story,people still just expect you to go home and deal with everything,chin up is the expression but when you have ppd even any form of depression it just doesn’t work like that,i hope many more people become aware and supportive of people who struggle with these conditions.

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  • Thankyou so much. I totally agree, there should be so much more support. Women should be given information whether they are suspected of having PPD or not

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  • you are so true it is still know widely know enough and the hospitals and such should inform the Mum’s to be better on this problem. Good on you for telling your story as I am sure it will help others


    • Thank you. It is definitely an issue that has to get more attention. The more people that talk about it, the less stigma there is and the more help women will get!

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  • Such a lovely story and I’m so glad your putting your story out there to help others well done and good luck with whatever the future holds for you :)

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  • Thank you for your brave story. I am interested to know if you went on to have anymore children?


    • Hi. Thank you for your comment. I wrote a blog post on Mouth Of Mums about that. It is called Saying Goodbye To The Two Children I Never Met. After six years, I realized I have sever PTSD and have not been able to have more children. It is a tough decision and I wish I took care of the PTSD a long time ago but I was just trying to get through each day. Recently my husband and I have discussed the possibility of adopting but I need to get help first. Working on it….

    Reply

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