That’s a tricky one. Perhaps both should have compromised on a double middle name.

I would opt for no middle name over a name that will always cause tension.

If you think it’s still going to be a problem, suggest again either a double middle name or leave it as it is. Hopefully you can get it all sorted out

Ooh, that was a bit sneaky. And it’s going to be an ongoing problem. I think you need/ed to go with a totally different name to Jane or Andrea. This will cause ongoing conflict as it is.

I can see both sides, but I would never do it in spite of my husband. Maybe a negotiation and compromise would have been better. You’re a team and should work together to come up with a solution that suits you both.

I can see both sides of this, but I feel what you did was wrong and I understand your hubby being angry

My brother was killed in a car accident and when I suggested to my husband to use his middle name, he was completely supportive and agreed, even though we could have used his fathers name who passed away. I think its concerning that your husband doesn’t understand the reason why you want to use your sisters name, he should be supportive of that and the connection you had with your sister. He is being very selfish. In your position, I wouldn’t have told him either and good on you for holding your ground.

Hi, I see both sides here, it happened to me, I had just given birth still in the delivery room my son was minutes old my husband said just stepping out for a few minutes, little did I know he rang all our friends and family and told them we had a Jesse ( our son) after I said maybe to the name. What could I do but I had a beautiful son named Jesse believe me I was angry but I got over it as I got to name my second son Jarrad, believe me shouldn’t be no anger just love those Beautiful Babies, believe me I have learnt doesn’t matter what the name is I wish I could have more babies but I can’t., and they grow up so so fast too, JUST love them.

Both parents need to agree. What you did was very sneaky and hurtful. It’s not worth it if it’s going to affect your relationship.

When I had my first daughter her first name was chosen and the 2nd name I combined 2 names together. I called her Maree. As 1 side of the family there was a Mary and the other side there was a Marie so I didn’t want to choose and upset either side. Maybe that could be a compromise

Could have had 2 middle names for sure. But middle names are hardly used, so I don’t think it will matter much

You agreed on the first name, which is most important. Sad that you can’t agree on middle, but will it really be used? Regardless, I don’t think it was OK to give a name while your husband was passed out, though get the emotions involved – giving birth and sister recently died. What would be fairest, if that’s your goal, is neither Andrea or Jane.

My daughter has 2 middle names on her birth certificate
They are not over the top and are a compromise between my husband and I
It’s not like our daughter will ever introduce herself with all names in any social situation it’s more what’s on paper and what it means to us which she will appreciate when she’s older

Have you legally registered it? If you have not, come to a decision together. It is his child too, though why he cannot deal with doing both l do not know. Perhaps the next child could be a Jane?

Lara Jane Andrea sounds lovely and would be a great compromise.

He must be hurt about the way you named her, but that’s not official, that’s just the hospital, but then him deciding to call her his preference isn’t very mature either.

I’d try to genuinely explore why he straight out disagrees with having two middle names. It’s an odd thing to get stuck on when it means both of your relatives are honoured.

I personally would have just chosen something that has no meaning to either of them. It’s tough and I hope all works out.

If you couldnt agree on either name or having both names then it would have been best to select something totally different.
You knew his thoughts and went against them and now to change things is more drama then its worth but if you have more children then he gets to decide on the name and you will just have to accept whatever he comes up with. You cant undo this wrong.

In this case I probably would have gone with both names as middle names. It was wrong to use just your name while he was passed out but he’s being unfair by not compromising and using both……… or neither.

I feel the circumstances around your sister dying have definitely got a special meaning to you as her mother and the father just doesn’t seem to get it! There definitely needs to be a compromise. Maybe he is way too biased.
Just for a different perspective, say if you did use his mothers name Jane, and then have another child later down the track and it’s a boy, is he going to want some other family name from his side too? He’s being the unreasonable one in my opinion.

Yes. You are a couple. He seems to feel just as strongly as you do and has that right.