What I learnt from my battle with perinatal depression

Perinatal depression, in case you don’t know, is a depression that is diagnosed during pregnancy or in the first year after a baby’s arrival.

Perinatal Depression affects 1 in 10 women during pregnancy and 1 in 7 women in the postnatal period.

I suffered for 3 years back in 2008 – 2011, it started after the birth of my daughter and continued on throughout my pregnancy with my son.

What is important to note is that it did not continue after the birth of my son in 2011.

For three(ish) years I struggled with guilt, sadness, disappointment, fear, loneliness and shame. I failed to feel connected to my daughter and later my son while I was pregnant. I hid from those in the world who loved me and wanted to help.

I was in a particularly black hole and one I did not (at the time) know how to get out of.

That three year journey taught me more about myself than anything I did up till that time and anything I have done since. It taught me:

I am strong. Even in my worst moments, I am strong enough to overcome anything.
I am loved. My husband is my rock and my daughter broke through the blackness on occasion with the most beautiful smiles just for me.
I am supported. There were people around me who bent over backwards to help me, when they knew what I was going through.
I am a great mother. Even in my darkest hours and days, I was the person my daughter needed. I was the right person for her and she was the right baby for me (even if I found it hard to see at the time).
I was not alone. Talking about it enabled me to discover the support of others going through it at the same time.
It is not something to be ashamed about. It is an illness not a weakness and one you can recover from.
My expectations were too high. There was no way reality could match up to my expectations, and when it fell short I felt cheated and disappointed. I questioned my abilities as a mother because my baby did not fit the ‘normal’ of the baby books.
Medication is not the only route to recovery. That is not to say there is no place for medication, there is and if it works for you then take it. There are also many complementary and alternative therapies and practices which can be used in conjunction with medication to help you recover faster.
Never give up. I wanted a different experience after the birth of my son and I found ways to make it work.
It is always OK to cry. There is support out there on Facebook and through your communities to hold and help you on the tough days, just go looking for it.
It takes time. It is not possible to snap out of it, recovery takes time but it is does happen.

If you have been diagnosed with perinatal depression, or believe you are suffering from it, I want you to take heart. There is a way out of the darkness for you and you will find the right direction in time.

When you find your way into the light it will not be the same light as before. It will be different and infinitely more beautiful for the struggle it took to get you there.

If you think that you could be suffering from perinatal or postnatal depression, please visit your doctor or refer to Gidget Foundation, PANDA or Black Dog Institute for guidance.

Have you suffered from perinatal or postnatal depression before? What did you do to overcome it? Please share in the comments below.

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32 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 15 May 2022
    10:28 am
Thankfully I didnt have to deal with this which amazes me as I had no support and my eldest was a nightmare baby that cried non stop.

- - ella12 said
  - 11 Apr 2017
    2:47 pm
I have dealt with it, it helps to talk it over with a friend, don’t be afraid to have some ‘me time’. See a movie, have a bath, massage etc.

- - Quackers said
  - 30 Jul 2016
    12:29 am
I cried on the point that said your husband is your rock. Mine left me when baby is 5 weeks old. no rock.

- - mom93821 said
  - 31 Jan 2016
    7:38 am
Thanks – this is information and a message that needs to be repeated again and again. We need to support all women and step in and help when needed – even make the call for them if they find it too hard.

- - rachelvk said
  - 30 Jan 2016
    8:09 pm
I am super impressed at how many women are now sharing their experiences. It makes us all more aware of this very common issue and reminds us not to judge.

- - hopefullyheidi said
  - 25 Oct 2015
    11:34 am
It is such an important issue to talk about. We do hear more a Post natal now, but rarely perinatal

- - mom113055 said
  - 29 Sep 2015
    8:06 pm
depression is bad

- - mom113055 said
  - 24 Sep 2015
    5:51 pm
learnt

- - mom113055 said
  - 21 Sep 2015
    1:00 pm
what i learnt

- - tinakraja said
  - 18 Sep 2015
    8:55 pm
this is such a great subject and I’m sure many Mums can say they totally understand where you are coming from. Well done for Sharing and being brave and strong enough to Educate the Knowing and Unknowing people reading this. I was diagnosed with Perinatal in 2011 (are you sure you didn’t pass it on to me?) I then was put on medication as it was wiser than the risk of suicide and harming myself. I then felt a lot better and have been on Anti-depressents ever since. in this time i have had two Daughters, suffered Post natal depression and been in a Mental health hospital for women, seen numerous Psychiatrists and counselors, social workers and psychologists. I still have help from the mental health hospital in the form of a Dialectical Behaviorel Therapy and get cognitive behavour Therapy, Schema and Imagery Therapy to help with PTSD, PTSD bothered me my whole life until I had kids I didn’t understand how or why, now I do and I will never stop getting help.
Thank you
- mom94125 replied
  
  17 Oct 2015 , 3:25 pm
  yes for sure, it takes courage to admit and then share your experience
- - dbhall82 said
  - 17 Sep 2015
    10:07 pm
Thank you Shirley this post really touched me, in fact had me in tears. It’s nice to know that I am not the only one and there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Beautiful inspiring words xxx

- - mom113055 said
  - 16 Sep 2015
    6:02 am
my battle

- - dannsbuild said
  - 07 Sep 2015
    9:55 pm
A really interesting read! very good!

- - mom113055 said
  - 04 Sep 2015
    9:41 pm
learnt from battle

- - mom81879 said
  - 04 Sep 2015
    2:55 pm
Sounds nasty, glad you hit over it

- - mom103920 said
  - 02 Sep 2015
    1:00 am
Shirley, thank you for sharing your story. I was diagnosed with post natal depression after two (out of four) of my children. I tried unsuccessfully with medication once, but found more benefit through the support of my husband, close friends, counselling, and our GP. The websites you list are also good. I did some reading from Beyond Blue website too. It is not a topic that is widely discussed, but it affects so many.
- Parent Academy replied
  
  02 Sep 2015 , 11:20 am
  Thank you! I am on a bit of a mission to make it less hidden as I felt so alone at the time, yet now when I talk about it with other mothers I get so many saying ‘Yes, I suffered too”.
  - mom94125 replied
    
    15 Oct 2015 , 1:31 pm
    
    yes just knowing that you are not alone really does make a difference.
- - dannsbuild said
  - 01 Sep 2015
    6:26 pm
It can be tough times!

- - rovermum said
  - 31 Aug 2015
    12:27 pm
I was not aware of perinatal depression until somebody I know suffered it. My husband and I both experienced post-natal depression that was initially supported by medication. My husband recovered very quickly, whilst my journey took quite a bit longer.

- - mom152736 said
  - 30 Aug 2015
    10:28 pm
Just so glad to read this….this is a FACT

- - robyn_smithwick said
  - 30 Aug 2015
    8:14 pm
I am so glad that you have conquered that horrible depression. I think people cannot really. truly understand what it is like until they experience it themselves. We can empathize but cannot really know what you are going through!
- Parent Academy replied
  
  02 Sep 2015 , 11:22 am
  Thank you Robyn.