Hello!

Join Login
Learn More

Article Why every mum needs the child-less friend

By Natasha Wilson
By

77 Comments

I have a friend called Claire. She has no children. In fact, she has absolutely no desire to have children. Truth be told, I don’t even think that she likes children.

She is the quintessential party girl, usually getting in at around the same time I am waking up of a morning. She spends her pay checks on shoes and reads the paper from start to finish without interruption.

She does not watch Dora. In fact, I’d hazard a guess that she doesn’t even know who Dora is.

You might be wondering why a mother of three would want to be friends with someone who doesn’t like children and whose life bears absolutely no resemblance to my own. The reason is simple: she forces me remember who I am without children. Me. Not me, the mother or me, the wife. Just me.

The person that I was before I had children is still in there somewhere. (She is probably buried under a mountain of dirty laundry, but she’s there.)

Conversations over coffee with other mum friends can often revolve around future choice of schools and how to tame a tantrum. We compare notes on bedtime routines and ask each other advice on everything from nutrition to worm tablets. Yes, friendships with other mums are invaluable and I doubt that I could make it through the week without them. But, if I’m honest, I’d have to say that on occasion we mums can get a little carried away with the antics of our children.

It’s refreshing to meet up with someone and know that for exactly one hour you are not going to talk about poo.

Women without children absolutely unequivocally do not want to know that your two year old has worms or that there is a smell in the house and you can’t find where it is coming from. Women without children want to talk about their dating escapades and who snogged who at the office Christmas party.

Women without children want to talk about politics, the property market and that hot ginger from Outlander. You know, all the exciting stuff.

I’ll admit that when a coffee date is looming, I begin “preparing”. I’ll actually watch the news for a few nights and maybe even skim through the newspaper while sitting in the school parking lot, waiting for pick up. I get excited about what else is going on in the world, besides the latest parenting trends.

We do occasionally talk about parenting. It’s just that the conversation always takes a completely different path and I come out on the other end with a different perspective than the one I took into the conversation. In fact, Claire has been the source of many pearls of parenting wisdom over the last seven years.

I can vividly remember sitting on her couch one Sunday afternoon, moaning that potty training my toddler had suddenly taken a step backwards.

She had turned to me and remarked, “It’s going to happen sooner or later. Have you ever seen a 30 year old driving to work in nappies?” Hmmm… Come to think of it, no I had not.

Then there was the time when, during a conversation about whether to hold my son’s first birthday at home or at the park, she reminded me “Doesn’t matter, he probably won’t remember it anyway. Just make sure you look good in the photos. You’ll be showing them at his 21st!” Well said, point made.

The time when I had been upset that my one year old hadn’t been invited to a mother’s group birthday party, I had lamented that this rejection might scar him for life. She had looked at me and asked whether it was really him or if it was me that was going to be scarred for life. Right you are again…

There is no mistaking that – for now at least, our lives have taken different paths. What matters is not that we are at the same stage or achieving the same goals in life. What matters is that despite our differences, we still support each other through everything.

I may not have all the answers, but what I do know is this: Don’t ditch your child-less friend when you make the transition to motherhood. You will need her, perhaps more than ever.

Women without children help us to think straight when our vision is clouded by love for our children.

They put things into perspective for us when we are so frustrated by whatever the latest childhood stage happens to be or when another mother has said such and such to so and so.

They help us to connect with our old selves and force us to remember the girl inside the mum. And she is someone you never should forget.

Do you have many child-less friends? Can you relate?

Image courtesy of Shutterstock.com
We may get commissions for purchases made using links in this post. Learn more.

Share this

Comments

  • My best friend and I were pregnant at the same time. Her daughter was born 20 days before mine. That was 25 years ago and we are still friends. When the kids were little we talked about them but we also talked about loads of other stuff. We still talk about our kids and what they are up to.

    Reply

  • I don’t have any friends, childless ones or ones with children. No family either apart from hubby and the kids. None needed, I’m happy

    Reply

  • Yes! That’s very interesting to read! Thanks for sharing this!

    Reply

  • this is just so great

    Reply

  • Love writing to you as obviously you can see, but have to comment when good things,advice etc i love to read and see. Yes a childless friend to a mum can be an invaluable asset I agree. Allows your conversation to continue to flourish and grow. Many roles we women through life do go.We are many things besides the very important role as a mum, but good to talk other things than, teething and a dirty bum (so to speak with tongue in cheek) Gives you yourself back as a woman too with other things to see,say and do.

    • Yes, many roles we women have indeed! Thanks for your lovely comments.

    Reply

  • Actually, most of my friends are becoming child-ed friends. Everyone is having babies!

    Reply

  • I tried, but I couldn’t come up with a single friend of mine that is childless. There’s a couple that gave grown up children that have left home, do they count?

    • Every friendship counts, if it’s a good one :-) Thanks for your comment!

    Reply

  • Unfortunately I no longer have any childless friends really, I have childless acquaintances, but all my friends have now had children (my last childless friend was pregnant when I was pregnant with my son, that was fun actually). Maybe I need to change a few of these acquaintances to friends…

    • hi LePumpkinhead, thanks for your comments! I think it’s never too late to turn that aquaintance into a friend. Maybe she’s looking for a friend too. Sometimes it surprises me that the people I have least expected to stay in my life, are the ones that end up meaning the most.

    Reply

  • “she forces me to remember who I am without children. Me. Not me, the mother or me, the wife. Just me. ”

    This is what stuck out to me the most….It is so easy to loose “me” and I really felt this article was quite empowering…I definitely have this friend in my life

    • Thanks for your lovely comments Ellen. So glad the article was helpful for you x

    Reply

  • good article to read – thanks

    Reply

  • Sometimes Childless friends don’t get what its like for us Mums.
    But the ones who try are worth keeping :)
    I love the fact they can take your mind away and give you a childfree feeling every now and again!

    • So true, the ones who try really are worth keeping! Thanks for your comments!

    Reply

  • she’s one true friend! not all childless friend are like that, some will even avoid you since you become a mum.

    • That’s also true sometimes. I think sometimes it’s difficult for women who do want a family to be surrounded by couples and children when they’re still single.

    Reply

  • I love my non-mummy friends! It’s refreshing to feel like the old me for a while. I wouldn’t swap being a mum for anything, but it’s definitely a hard job and it’s nice to ‘escape’ from the stresses every now and then.

    Reply

  • Keeping a good balance of friends is best.

    Reply

  • I agree about the balancing between friends… it works both ways.

    • Yes, I think you’re right – balance is the key. Thanks for your comments!

    Reply

  • meanwhile your childless friend wishes she had a family so the grass is never greener lol

    great article

    Reply

  • I have 2 amazing best friends – one is my mummy-ing mentor and one is childless. We make a great balanced team

    Reply

  • this is just great

    Reply

  • Natasha, I’m glad for you to have a special connection with Claire. It is a precious gift to have close friends to share your life. Most of my child-free friends are my Mum’s age and I enjoy their views of life as much for their age perspective as for their freedom of no children around their waist 24/7.

    Reply

  • gosh yes all she does is talk about her amazing search for Mr right and her late night staying up chatting to Mr Right (for now) and I think darn her I want to stay up talking instead I stay up clock watching for the next feed or Drama. I love my childless friend, I can tell her miss 3 is being a brat and she never ever says Oh yeah she cant be as bad as mine!!!!! I love that she’s having fun and also that one day she will loook to me for advice on her kids but for now i’m content to be Jealous of all her fun searching.

    • Very true TinaKraja, it’s so good to live vicariously through others! Your friends sounds like great fun.

    Reply
Post a comment

To post a review/comment please join us or login so we can allocate your points.

Join Login

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just a star rating?

Write A Rating Just A Star Rating
Join