I would ask my kids “Are you a bad kid?”….they would say “NO” …I would then say “Of course you are not….you are a good kid….so why did you do a bad thing?”…….what they did was bad….they were not bad.

I suppose using these words within context and while linked to actions is not necessarily a bad thing. Labelling anyone is wrong, particularly young impressionable minds.

I agree with most of these words. I think it’s hard to parent in the age of technology and micromanaging parents though to be honest.

While I agree with some of these words I can’t see what’s wrong with the word smart. There are so many restrictions on parents now it’s hard to know what to do.

Very interesting article- I always try to encourage my kids telling my daughter and son that they are beautiful and clever when they do something cool. I think I usually say ‘naughty’, not ‘bad’ which is more like the action. I will try the whole ‘can’t’ thing, I usually tell my daughter that there’s no such word as can’t and that she can do anything with practice, but I must say I do say you can’t do this or that if it’s something she’s not allowed to do.

I try very hard with all of the above. In fact, we pull our son up when he says can’t and explain it’s not a word we use, and to replace it with CAN. I also really dislike my son using the word hate and pick him up on it. We are conscious of the words we use and messages we send, and at the end of the day can only do our best to teach our son to be positive. He is a great kid who really does model our family’s behaviour of politeness, respect, value, etc.

Words have a lot of power indeed, positive or negative !

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 25 Feb 2018 , 4:02 am

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  It’s good to be mindful about your words. We have a lot of talks about what we say, what we’ve said and what we maybe shouldn’t have said.

It’s funny I was discussing words & their effects yesterday with my 7 year old & she says ” I know hate is such a strong wprd but there are things I hate such as tailgaters!” I hadn’t even thought of hate…. out of the mouth of babes ????

I notice I still have not got my 50 birthday points for Steven for the 19th of February

I am totally fed up with the political correctness police and these so called experts telling us how to be effective parents!. When you have 4 beautiful kids they are all different. Some got better marks than others in different subjects.. I used to tell them as long as you do your best that is all that matters. I never said why cant you get better marks like so and so.

I think we’re all adult enough to know in what context to use certain words to our children. I’m sick of the correctness police. When did it become fashionable to analyse everything to the nth degree and treat parents like we’re all a bunch of idiots?

Words do have immense power and parents are influential role models and children need to know and be exposed to an enormous range of words and ideas. I fully understand the context of this article and parents being the best role models for the healthy use of these words.

I think you can give warnings of the problems to come without being overbearing. The words themselves are not wrong – it is the way you use [or abuse] them that is the problem.

I think the majority of the words listed above shouldn’t be used in relation to people in general. Although obviously they have a place in our language they are often used for the wrong reasons. I think everyone should think more about the meaning of words before using them.

I agree with the spirit of what is being said here for all the points. I also think that there is more to conveying the “right attitude” than just never using particular words.

Interesting points, I don’t know if I fully agree, I think it depends on the context these words are used.

I tend to disagree with the “smart” section here. I’ve never seen anything back that up, however I have seen that there is a correlation between children who are intelligent and how they react to scenarios when they are challenged and cannot find the correct answer because they are not used to the perserverance required to solve problems, which can then impact self esteem and resilience. That has nothing to do with being called smart

You can limit what you say to your child but you can’t (whoops) limit what they hear.

My 3.5 year old daughter also says she can’t do things sometimes. Neither her father or I have ever said anything like that infront of her. We can limit what we say infront of our kids but they’re going to hear it somewhere, one way or another. Just like swear words. Once they go to school…they all of a sudden know everything you wish they didn’t haha

I know a 3 y.o. who says he can’t do something when he is being silly or lazy.
I spend a lot of time with his parents and I have never heard either of them use that word at all. He goes to daycare once a week and I’m wondering if he’s heard it used there. He definitely knows what the word means. Frustrating when you are running late because he doesn’t you to help him get dressed and “can’t do it” himself….especially if you are going to an appt. where they are always on time.