A Letter To The Mum With The Kids Who Don't Sleep

Dear Mum whose child just won’t go to sleep,

We know you think it’s your fault because you’re the mum, so if they can’t sleep you must be doing something wrong.

We see you.

We know that when you share with others why you’re so tired, you are bombarded with advice. You have to politely show interest and say “yeah I’ll give that a go.”

But we know you already tried that.

We know you find yourself staring at the carpet because you’re too exhausted to engage with the world around you. Feeling guilty that all you want to do is watch TV and drift into la la land instead of playing with your kids. And feeling guilty when they watch TV and you can just be still for a while.

We see you.

We know your days are the same as your nights. There is no break. There is no difference. We know you’ll be up to with kids before you even have a chance to close your eyes.

We know you make plans to take up that offer from your family so you can go out with your husband. But by the time the evening comes, you’re too exhausted to go. You don’t want to waste the opportunity that maybe tonight will be better and you’ll able to relax and sleep.

We see you.

We know that you need and want help at night but you think if you’re going to be tired anyways you’d rather not bring someone down with you.

We know each night you are certain and motivated to try some new sleep techniques. But in the middle of the night between anger and tears, you just succumb to them sleeping in your bed or rocking them to sleep. You know they’ll be up early anyway and your day will start again, so you want sleep when you can get it. No matter what that takes.

We see you.

We know you don’t recognise the person you are, in these long days and even longer nights. You don’t like her. You feel like your disintegrating into her.

You’re not.

I see you.

To me, the mum with the kids who don’t sleep. Hang in there. You’re doing a great job. And one day you’ll look back on these days with a smirk and wonder how you survived. But you did.

I see you. We see you. You’re still there.

Is this letter written for you? Tell us in the comments below.

24 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 08 Jun 2023
    12:04 pm
My eldest wouldnt sleep and I was so exhausted.

- - mom418449 said
  - 14 Jul 2020
    2:34 pm
Hopefully it is only short term pain – it usually goes away in a few years – here’s hoping! I can’t wait to have sleep in’s, I do wish my children slept more.

- - Jbuttxx said
  - 08 Jan 2020
    4:39 am
Always best to be able to express your worries to help you sort through them- a great letter

- - ella12 said
  - 31 Oct 2019
    2:47 pm
It so very hard that’s for sure but all the love and support makes it worthwhile.

- - rachel1970 said
  - 30 Sep 2019
    8:35 pm
I remember how hard it was when my twins were babies. But now, they are nearly teens, my teenager and even my 9 yo sleep pretty well. And I can ask them to be quite when they get up early so I can sleep in on occasion and they are really good.

- - rnash02 said
  - 23 Sep 2019
    9:55 am
Lovely and thoughtful message

- - mom376182 said
  - 18 Sep 2019
    2:17 pm
Some great points in here and a good message. I hope some mums that need this get the chance to read it.

- - Blossom said
  - 13 Sep 2019
    9:09 pm
I remember walking around for about hours one day. Baby seemed seemed to be unsettled. He would eventually go to sleep in my arms. About 16 minutes later I would sit down. Within 5 minutes just when I had got comfortable he would wake up and start crying again. Holing him with his tummy against me seem to settle him the quickest. We were lucky that this very rarely occurred. Things were a little different at night. He had given up one of his night feeds of his own choosing but woke up at the same time every night. We didn’t need an alarm. He refused a feed or drink of water,didn’t need a nappy change, didn’t seem to want to play.

- - mom336844 said
  - 12 Sep 2019
    9:47 pm
I can totally relate to everything the author said. My child just would not stay asleep for me than 45 min stretch for years. I would cry sometimes because I felt hopelessness and that nothing I did helped. I tried everything I could including advice (kinesiology) which helped find certain issues and solutions to fix it. I’m so thankful for support just like this article, in that hearing that someone else was going through tough times like I was, really helped me feel like it wasn’t just us that was going through this. I can only hope that any other mums who are going through something similar know that they aren’t alone. Hugs.

- - mom322089 said
  - 12 Sep 2019
    12:11 pm
What a lovely message and I hope that those mums are able to read it if they can prise their eyelids open. I hope those that do judge, might re think…

- - rovermum said
  - 12 Sep 2019
    8:58 am
When they become teenagers, they sleep all day. It’s true.
- Ellen replied
  
  15 Sep 2019 , 4:41 am
  Lol 😀 not all teenagers do ! My son always woke up early and still does, in the weekend when he can sleep in he won’t wake up past 8am.
  But that’s besides your point; it will end one day indeed ! Keep courage all you sleep deprived mum’s !!
- - mom343701 said
  - 12 Sep 2019
    7:28 am
it does pass so hang in there

- - shanika said
  - 11 Sep 2019
    10:30 pm
All the best mums. You will find your own way.

- - mom325275 said
  - 11 Sep 2019
    10:07 pm
Yepppp
This is it…
Mum life lol

- - mom160421 said
  - 11 Sep 2019
    9:12 pm
Overall I didn’t have any problems with sleeping.

- - ashna9 said
  - 11 Sep 2019
    6:42 pm
One of mine slept like a dream and one didn’t. Seem Mum, same routines etc.

- - DaffyD said
  - 11 Sep 2019
    3:32 pm
Great read and the Mum’s out there who dread night time, hope things improve soon

- - mom152736 said
  - 11 Sep 2019
    11:15 am
It’s hard for mum whose kids wont sleep…. yep Hang in there! you’re doing great!

- - BellaB said
  - 10 Sep 2019
    7:15 pm
Lack of sleep makes everything harder to cope with.
- Ellen replied
  
  11 Sep 2019 , 4:09 am
  It sure does, it has a massive effect on your ability to function and enjoy life !
- - nadine_hill said
  - 10 Sep 2019
    10:44 am
This is so relevant to many mums – great to read.