I would straight out say “Im sorry but I wont have any more bags of clothing for you unless you are willing to pay me for them. I have discovered that there are many Mums willing to buy *sons name* used clothing” and just leave it at that. What a rude woman she is

I think that once you have given something away, you have no say in what the other does with the items.
I think it’s important to keep for yourself in mind that you did what you thought was what right with the information you had, don’t let anyone or anything take that away from you

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 14 Oct 2024 , 8:45 am

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  You have now discovered her circumstances have changed and what she did with the items you have given her. Personally I would not seek the confrontation (no quiet word or asking for the money). You don’t owe this lady an explanation at all, but when she pressures again for clothing items and you don’t want to give them to her, you could simply say something like “I want to bless someone else in need with them (whether that is yourself, others or a charity)

It’s certainly a tricky one but also it is also kick in the guts when you gave them to her as a good gesture to help her out . When she asks you fir more clothes I would just say I’m sorry but I’m finding it a bit tough at the moment and will be selling them myself, and leave it at that .

Just tell her you are going to start selling them yourself.

Once the clothingnis given its entirely up to her what she does with them. Maybe she is selling the clothes and usin the money to buy her son those things you have mentioned. That money is possibly also helping to pay the bills and by food etc. So no. You shouldn’t ask her for the money and you shouldn’t mention anything. But in future, if she asks for the clothes just say “I’m sorry, I need to try and sell them as money’s a bit tight at the moment”. She’s already run up a clientele for you. Just sell to the same people.

I would no longer be giving them to her for starters and go back to selling them yourself if that it what you wish to do or donate them somewhere else you feel the need. I’m not sure you can bring it up with her without it getting very dicey.

I would just let her know that I am assisting with a charity now and no longer have any more clothes to give her for her son. And then I’d just move on with my own life.

I’d struggle with this one. It’s not ok and not on.. but I also wouldn’t want to confront her. When she asks again, just say that you initially thought you were helping her out, but she looks like she’s more on the right track now, gesture to her nails, etc, and say that you’re helping someone else in need now too, and you’re sure she understands having been in a hard position herself. Appeal to her empathetic side (hopefully she has one) and make her then be forced to agree that you’re doing a lovely thing and she may even thank you for your help all this time.

I always choose passive aggressive if I can.

That’s rather tacky. I think I’d say that as she doesn’t need them for her son, you’ll dispose of them in other ways.

Just tell her that since she no longer needs them for her son, you have decided to sell them off as you need the extra money. Don’t let her know that you found out what she does though. Just look at her face when you say it, that should tell you all you need to know. I used to give things to my girlfriend and if she no longer needed them, she’d hand them back. Since she passed away though, her daughter (who knew what I had given her Mum to use) sells them off and doesn’t think I know about it. Decided it’s better to let the things and her friendship go.

Wow! How rude. I cannot believe it. I would simply say I have someone else more needy to pass them onto. If you’re not fussed about a friendship, you could even say I’ve just learned you’ve been seeling them and that’s not in the spirit of my giving them to you — you could have sold them yourself. Good luck.

I do not know where to begin with this one!

That’s so wrong!! If you buy something, then sell it that’s ok.

But if your given something for free..you regive it away for free!

Not make money off someone’s kindness.

Wow this is not good. I can’t believe someone would do that to someone who is offering a kind gesture.

Unfortunately its becoming a common pracrice, not jist with clothes but other items too that people give away on community pages for free. I wouldnt confront..just not give it to the person again

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 01 Mar 2023 , 8:54 am

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  Yes, I don’t think confronting is wise either

Ouch, that’s not nice at all. I’d just not give her any more bags of clothes and say oh I’ve decided to sell them myself as I need the cash.

This frustrates me so much! 90% of the clothes we had for kids were given to us by a local mums charity because we needed the financial help – but once outgrown, any clothing that was still usable I donated right back to the same charity to help other mums in need. It never even occured to me to try and make money off something that was given to us from the kindness of somebody else heart! – let alone in a sutiation with a “friend”

I think if she definitely isn’t going through the clothes to see what fits her son correctly and is just selling them straight away then I’d happily tell her that if that’s the case you will be selling the items yourself from now on!

When approaching the subject with her let her know your struggling with money at the moment and decided to sell them yourself.

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  • • cherz replied
    • 28 Feb 2023 , 5:42 pm

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  What a great response.

This is a catch 22 issue. Technically, it is her items now and can do what she wants with them. However, the principle part is, they were given as a “hand me down” gift during a struggle so donating them again, is a way to pay it forward.
I wouldn’t approach or say anything. Just let life takes its course cause you don’t want to cause a whole lot of drama.