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One mum’s kind gesture towards another school mum has turned into an uncomfortable situation, and it’s heading towards a school gate confrontation.

It all started when the mum’s son started primary school and became best friend with another little boy, whose parents eventually separated.

“Dad was cheating and left mum with no cash and struggling to pay bills,” the woman explained on Mumsnet.

“So I sort of took her under my wing and helped where I could, I didn’t have a lot but was happy to help. This including passing on my son’s clothes when he outgrew them as he is taller than her son – I had sold them before then as he grows so fast they barely get worn and it helps go towards the next size up.”

Fast forward four and a half years and the mum says plenty has changed. This woman is no longer struggling, and doesn’t seem to need the hand-me-down clothes.

“(She has) weekly hair and nail appointments, her son always seems to have the latest toy and the Prime drinks etc and is always bragging to my son. They are ok with each other but I wouldn’t say friends, and definitely not best friends anymore.”

But here is the tricky part.

“She still asks me for the clothes. I just stopped offering them but she started asking and I felt awkward saying, ‘No, you can afford to buy them now’ as looks can be deceiving etc and she must still be struggling a bit and just putting up appearances”

“The longer it’s gone on the more I’ve tried to get away from it, by delaying getting back to her, saying I’ve not got anything at the moment etc but she keeps on and on at me.”

But here’s where the whole situation starts to make sense, and completely knocks the mum for six.

The mum says her son was recently invited to a party, but the other woman’s son wasn’t. Other classmates of the boys were also guests at the party.

“I did see another classmate wearing one of my son’s jumpers! Definitely his because my clever grandmother made it for him and she’d done the pattern herself.

“So I asked the child’s mum, ‘I love X’s jumper, where did you get it?’ Only to be told, ‘Oh, well I shouldn’t really be telling you this, don’t want you getting in first, but I bought it from (the other mum). I’ve barely needed to buy anything else for years, I just buy the bags of clothes from her when she’s got them’. I was just stunned and didn’t speak, so she carried on and said, ‘I’ve just got two big bags full, and my son loves that jumper, he’s barely taken it off all week’.”

And the penny finally dropped for the generous mum, who realised why the other mum had been so desperate to get her hands on more clothes.

“So now I know why she has been hounding me for clothes, but I don’t know how long it’s been going on, the mum just said years and I didn’t want to bring her into it so didn’t ask how long or how much money or anything.”

She says she discovered that the mum hadn’t even been going through the clothes and keeping any for her son, she had simply sold the bags as soon as she’d received them.

“Now I need to work out what to do, I’m not looking forward to seeing her at the school gates tomorrow. Any advice welcome, I’m currently circling through emotions/feelings and going from thinking I’ll have a quiet word, to saying nothing, to kicking off and asking for the money.”

Yikes! What would you do in this mum’s situation? Let us know in the comments below.

  • I’d not say a thing about her selling them as they belong to her once given them. I’d just say your donating to charity now sharing the love

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  • Yikes. I think once you donate them, it’s up to the person what they do with them…… BUT the other Mum shouldn’t be hounding the donator for more and more clothes. Such tacky and entitled behaviour. If it were me I’d just say ‘I won’t be giving you anymore clothes from now on’. This should be enough to put a stop to it. No explanation is required. you don’t owe that other mum anything. You did a good deed when she needed it and now the situation has changed. End of story.

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  • Oh that’s a little rude! I think you need to stand your ground and just respectfully say that you are not able to assist anymore.

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  • Very unpleasant indeed. I certainly wouldn’t pass them on anymore and simply say that I found someone else who I would like to bless with it.

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  • If she asks for more clothes, there’s nothing more to be done but confront her in a calm adult way and let her know how you feel. I certainly wouldn’t be giving her any more. What’s horrible in all this is the generous mum wasn’t well off herself and was using the proceeds when she used to sell towards buying more clothes for her son.

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  • I would also be a bit disappointed, but probably just cut ties altogether.

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  • Honestly I would just ignore it, but when she asks for more clothes say you’re planning to sell them to help with the clothing costs for your son. As thats what you used to do before, so start doing it again.

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  • Just say I heard you were selling them, I never see your son in them, and that’s nit why I gave them to you.

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  • I witnessed something similar between people and they fell out. It was women’s clothes, shoes and handbags.
    Being direct and honest when asked again for clothes is the honest choice.

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  • That’s rather awkward. She probably has to only really bring it up if the other Mum asks for clothes again. Even then, she should give her the benefit of the doubt.

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  • I’d be disappointed and would just stop passing them on. I have a few casual probing comments/questions I’d consider asking too, but probably just easier to leave it and just stop donating if I wasn’t happy with what she was doing

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  • Just stop giving them to her. Clearly she doesn’t need them, and when she asks why, you tell her straight out, “I know you’ve been selling them on, and if you aren’t actually using them I’d rather give them to people for free who are struggling”

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  • That’s so bad.
    Just say you’re not giving them to someone else who is struggling!!!

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  • I feel really frustrated by this as the receiving mother is also asking for more clothing – I understand she is hustling but it feels deceptive and wrong.. especially from a Mum who was selling the clothes and was trying to do the right thing..

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  • If it was me I would just let it go what’s done is done, however if she asks for more clothes just make it clear that you are no longer giving away clothes and walk away before anything is said by the other party.

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  • Yikes! That is not on. She should’ve been honest about it

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  • That’s just wrong. I wouldn’t donate anything to her after finding out.

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  • I would just stop giving the “Receiving Mum” the clothes. The “Donating Mum” could say her son is holding onto his clothes for longer, or she could say she’s giving the clothes to other struggling mothers. The Donating Mum doesn’t really owe the Receiving Mum an explanation as to what she does with her son’s clothing.

    Reply

  • The deception of the mum selling makes me mad.


    • Why wouldn’t she just be honest about her intentions?



      • Deceptive behaviour destroys all trust.

    Reply

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