This conversation would be better had a long time before Mothers’ day. That way her MIL will understand what is happening.

Although I understand how hard it is for you, your MIL will probably be very supportive when you achieve motherhood yourself and it is a day your husband should celebrate with her for being his mother.

I would just say I feel sick that day….and avoid going, won’t help with the good vibrations you need right now.

Mothers day can be very difficult when youre struggling with fertility. Your feelings are valid. Perhaps hubby can go on his own.

It is very hard for people who haven’t gone through this to understand it, which I guess is where your MIL is coming from. But I think what you feel is very real, and it is entirely reasonable to absent yourself from celebrations which make you feel bad.

I understand what you are going through. I had multiple miscarriages and didn’t want to celebrate Mother’s Day. You need to do what makes the day easier for you. Suggest your husband goes for his Mum’s sake and you stay at home relaxing.

I can totally relate to this having undergone IVF for 2.5 years. It’s a shame your MIL can’t be more empathetic and leave you be on this day. Do something for yourself that will make the day less painful. Your hubby can go see his Mother for a visit, but I’d like to think he’s also mindful of the Mum you so desperately want to be. It’s such a hard day. I wish you the best.

I think it’s good on Mother’s Day to remember those who struggle with this day and emphasize with them;
those who struggle to conceive
those who never saw their wish to have a child fulfilled
those who lost babies or a child
those who lost their mum
those who never had a good relationship with their mum
those who were abused
those who’s their kids were removed

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 11 May 2023 , 5:48 am

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  I agree and the number one priority for a husband is to provide 100% support to a wife.

I fully understand where you are coming from on this one.
You feel how you feel, you aren’t choosing to feel this way, it’s a totally valid reaction to a very painful journey you are navigating as best you can. Your MIL is a mum obviously, so for her perhaps it’s never been an issue, but it’s a pity she cant put herself in your shoes and think how tough Mothers Day is for some of us. You should nt have to be guilted into playing along or made to feel worse than you do. Your only duty is to take care of you. If your partner cant get through to his mum then that’s doubley hard, but you have to be gentle and kind to yourself. That’s absolutely the most important thing here. You have to consider what ‘s best for you, as she, the MIL, isnt.
I hope you get through this year’s one without too much pain and sadness, and good luck with your future journey.xxx

You have your own feelings and right to feel them. People need to be a little more empathetic!

I feel like mothers day seems to be a bigger celebration than I remember as a kid. We made mum a card, when we were old enough made her brekky, but certainly didn’t go out and celebrate the day. If you’re not up to having a day with the MIL and SIL don’t, life sucks and stress isn’t good when you’re going through medical stuff. I’m sure they’ll understand if you just let them know you need a bit of you time that day.

I hear what you are saying but at the same time without your MIL you would not have your husband and that what Mothers Day is about. She is and always will be his Mother and he needs to spend time with her on Mothers Day. I hear your pain and if you 100% cant face the day then you stay home but he needs to see his Mother.

My abusive ex is not understanding why I don’t want to spend my first mother’s day with him… would rather do absolutely nothing with my mum!

This is a very hard situation and I can understand you not wanting to celebrate mothers day. I also noticed you havent mentioned your own mother? Is this another reason for not celebrating? I do think its important that your MIL is shown that she is appreciated though, as mothers day is not just about becoming a mother but also about having one; so even if your not up to attending maybe your husband could. After all without your MIL your husband wouldn’t be here. .

I can understand her pain and may want to seek counseling to give these losses and this grief a place. I would be good if husband supports his wife and help her to verbalize to his mother why this is so hard for her, so his mum can understand and emphasize . He could visit his mum by himself too.

It’s not as though it’s her mother. There’s nothing stopping her husband from going to the brunch on his own.

You have to do what’s right for you and missing one Mother’s Day with the MIL shouldn’t matter to anyone. I’d book a trip away for the weekend so you are only with you and your hubby.

No one should have to endure emotional pain or be triggered. Do what works for you, it is one day and surely everyone should understand it is just that. Way to much pressure is already placed on designated days.

As someone who also went through IVF and struggled with infertility due to stage 4 endometriosis, I would encourage you to listen to your body and do what you need at this point – particularly after an embryo transfer! I remember the flood of emotions during the two week wait…hope, fear, anxiety…so many intensely mixed emotions. You’ve already experienced loss, I would hope your family would understand the trauma this process brings and support you in that, recognising that motherhood/babies/etc is a trigger, and understandably so. If there’s a compromise with this it needs to be one you’re comfortable with, whether that’s sending a card and flowers, etc… but having to go and be surrounded by people gushing about their motherhood journeys would have been extremely triggering and distressing while I was going through IVF, so I completely understand your concern. You do have a right to say no.

Appreciate it would be hard to celebrate after all the losses and with trying but I guess sometimes you have to compromise and I’m sure it would make hubby happy that you’re trying with his family.