Yes, you are. You haven’t spent years laboring for these children. You have no rights over them.
The children are struggling because they should not be put in this position. They should have a mother and father together. Time will tell what damage this will do to them.

I understand where the bio Mum is coming from. She has a right to be their one and only Mum. I can see why the children are calling you Mum, it’s sweet, and they are young. I think another name like Mumma may soothe the tensions.

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  • • mom160270 replied
    • 01 May 2024 , 11:10 am

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  Yes, I agree with your comment.

If I was the mum and the kids started calling another lady ‘mum’ I would be so hurt. Mum is a special name, maybe you can both have a discussion and come up with a name that you both like and the kids are happy to call you ?

I can totally understand how mum feels and you too. Maybe you could find an alternative to Mum that you like?

Oh no way! If I was the mum, I would hate my kids calling daddy’s new special friend mum. Kids only have one mum in my mind

Sorry but you are waaay out of line. They are too young to understand and their relationship with you has not been long so I would have nipped it in the bud right from the get go and the fact that you didn’t indicates to me that you have no consideration for their mothers feelings. I agree with the other person who commented, unless their biological mother is out of the picture or these kids are being seriously neglected and abused you are not their mother, you have no parental rights morally or legally. Her screaming over the phone to you in front of the kids does not indicate bad parenting but is a reaction to your careless and thoughtless behaviour and in no way vindicates yours.

Mums just really hurt. She obviously knows they are young but they are her babies. I think the way she handled it was highly inappropriate and she was probably not in the best state to have the conversation. She would have been better off asking for a phone call that night once the children where in bed and could have gone about it by saying it’s quiet hurtful can we please discourage it.

Oh that’s tricky. I’m all about the kids…but as a mummy that’s gotta hurt abit too

Maybe there needs to be a bit more time for adjustment and also a calm discussion to be had between the adults.

No. Unless the biological mother is no longer in the picture, either passed away or not a fit parent, there’s only 1 person who she be called mum and that’s their mum

In the long term the children will call those nearest and dearest to them what they wish to. In your shoes, I would just be the same as always and let the children and your fiancée work things out themselves. In my experience, one cannot force children to call anyone by a name they do not wish. Just keep on being a kind and reasonable partner for your fiancée. Good luck!

I think it’s really the bio Mum’s insecurities coming through. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. The children probably feel more comfortable calling you Mum because you treat them with love and understanding. I hope their bio mum calms down and apologises but, if not, don’t let it ruin your relationship with these children.

The mess of separated families where children are involved. It’s hard to remove the emotion from such a situation and I can understand the bio Mum’s feelings in this situation. However, her reaction was very OTT. Perhaps there’s a compromise. It’s easier said than done, but the wellbeing of the kids needs to be the priority.

How lucky these two little darlings have so much love in their life. I’m sure with some time and adjustment things will settle.

Gosh, what a potential minefield. It sounds like step mum and the kids have been more mature than bio mum. Bio mum sounds like her feelings are hurt, but the kids feeling happy and secure needs to be the priority…. bio mum will always be their mum, and it sounds like she is feeling hurt by the outcome of the kids’ decision. step mum , you sound great to me, and def not the a-hole!

Bio mum …insecure!! Must be a charmer to deal with.
So long as the children are calling their ‘bonus mum’ a name with respect, it doesn’t matter what it is.

Bio mum needs to grow up & realise that when they split there is potential of any extra mother-figure AND an extra father-figure in their lives.

wow. The biological mum needs to just chill. She is still their mum, but they are little and if they say they have 2 mums, and it makes the kids happy, then isnt that the most important thing?

The bio mum sounds like a real piece of work! It’s not okay to force your way into the mum role, but if the kids see you as a mum, there’s nothing wrong with it. Yes, bio mum will always have that special place as the one who birthed her children, but the stepmother is caring for them and raising them also.

I think it would hurt if my kids called someone else mum. But that was poorly handled. I think maybe they can have a special name for you or still love you without being called mum. However bio mum should have explained she didn’t really like it and have a conversation about it. Swearing and yelling was an absolutely poor way to handle it and in no way helps the kids

I think you handed it well. You haven’t pushed it and bio mum isn’t handling it well at all.