I think it’s an unreasonable request to change the name because it’s the name of her stillborn daughter she had with her ex-husband seven years ago. There will be thousands if not millions of Embers all over the world. When being confronted with this name is something that stills hurts so much after 7 years, I think it’s time for her too seek some counseling.

Honestly, it is such a sensitive topic. Its super hard as the sister in law has not spoken about her daughter obviously to the new family, so how would they know that Ember is a rough subject. I wouldn’t change it, if her brother is okay with it, the sister in law should seek therapy for her obvious trauma she has experienced to help her work through it and see that the new baby, no matter what name is a blessing to be cherised rather than always think of painful memories (which will always be there but easier to manage with help).

Sensitive topic but I think 4 months in is a little too late. There’s obviously loads of hurt but I’d be managing what time you spend with her. She seems to be threatening to hold this over your head and make it clear to a CHILD that she has an issue with her name. Maybe offer for her to have a special name for your daughter (Emmy?) so that it’s not something she has to personally speak. Had you known she had an issue and THEN named your daughter this name, different story. Always think long term in regards to keeping a relationship with her, but protect your family first.

If she was that upset she could have said something much sooner. I don’t think you should change your daughter’s name, especially after so long. I’m sorry for her loss but you weren’t to know abut it.

It’s a tough one and a sensitive topic.

Definitely not in the wrong, you keep your daughter’s name. Yes it may not be easy for the Sister-in-law but she really should be honoured to have the name in the family. Why didn’t the sister-in-law tell anyone the stillborn babies name???

She can’t expect them to do that four months later after she never said anything. I too had a stillborn and I would be so happy an honoured if a family member used his name ❤️

Seriously? It’s the stillborn daughter of her sister-in-law and ex-partner- they’re not even related! It’s not like they would have known about a distant connection and it’s completely unreasonable to ask them to change the name. Maybe she should look at it as the name of her daughter living on and keeping the memory alive.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 09 Jun 2024 , 7:44 am

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  Yes and it’s 7 years ago. I think it’s time for SIL to find some professional help

Ooh this is tough. Did you know this was her stillborn daughter’s name? It feels like you didn’t. I can’t imagine you would have chosen it if you had know. I don’t think you should change your daughter’s name but appreciate it’s such a tough and emotional time. .

I don’t think you should caved in to her. She lost her child 7 years ago. She needs counselling if she still couldn’t get over it. I know it’s difficult to hear the name but she can’t expect you to change your daughter’s name after nearly 5 months.

The SiL needs to get psychologist support to help with her trauma and grief. She cannot blame anyone but herself for the situation and as for the future, she may divorce her brother anyway!

Definitely not don’t change her name it’s not fair of her to ask 4 months later no way

You cant change her name after four months!

There is more than 1 Ember in the world so would SIL want everyone to change their children’s names? Like others on here have said it could be tribute. Maybe they should give it a positive spin and not a negative

I would suggest the sister-in-law go and get some mental health help. That name will be used and around for the rest of her days so she will need to learn how to progress through life peacefully whilst hearing it. Its sad and unfortunate, and maybe if she had told the parents the day they decided on the babies name.. or shared that story with her family beforehand it wouldn’t have been an issue.
But 4 months on, you’ve fallen in love with your little baby and been calling her that name with what feels like forever (during those first few months).
By saying the little girl will be burdened with the name is straight up nasty.. I hope the family can work it out and the sister-in-law can get the help she needs.

Tough situation, I think your SIL needs some help.

The parents were not aware in the last 7 years, so shouldn’t be pressired into changing the baby’s name. Many people are named ‘in memory’ of passed loved ones. This could be one of them

The sister in law perhaps should look at this as a tribute to her late daughter. I was named after my late grandmother as a tribute to her. It can be turned into a positive.

It sounds like the pain is still very raw for her and probably will be for sometime. It needs time.

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 06 Jun 2024 , 5:06 am

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  Time and some professional support might be a good pathway.

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    • • Ellen replied
      • 06 Jun 2024 , 7:48 am

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    Yes I think professional help would be appropriate

SIL was probably trying to deal with her grief herself and not “bother” or ” burden” the parents with it – I understand. But no, I don’t think she can or should force a change of name.