An open letter to new Mums

Congratulations! Welcome to the Mum’s Club!

This global club will support you, laugh with you, cry with you and hold hands with you over the next 18 (or so) years as your little baby grows.

The faces may change through the years yet the camaraderie will stay the same.

I’m sure you know of one (or more) who have joined the club before you and who you can now turn to as you tiptoe your way through the early stages of motherhood. Please do turn to them! They will have made mistakes and will be able to recommend some great products and services that will save you time and money.

Now I’m going to share the discoveries from my mothering journey to-date, in the hope that you are prepared when you discover them for yourself and that the foreknowledge will empower you in your journey.

1) You are a great mother. No matter how much you doubt yourself, or how much others doubt you, when your first concern is for your child you are already a good mother.

2) Now you have a child your every, and I mean EVERY, decision is up for public scrutiny. Every Tom, Dick and Harriet from your in-laws to the milkman and his wife will have an opinion on how you are raising your child. Most frustratingly they will want to share them at every opportunity. Keep in mind they are trying to be helpful so be polite and thank them before ignoring it completely.

Don’t make the mistake though of assuming all the advice from strangers will be useless, there will be a gem or two so listen well, smile, nod and then take away what you want.

3) There is no quick fix; one size fits all approach to parenting. I’m really sorry to share this one. Getting through an issue with a child takes time, effort, research and sometimes a good deal of tears (from you both). Do your research well and choose a strategy that feels right for you.

4) If the strategy or solution doesn’t feel comfortable for you don’t do it. Seriously, if you are uptight and uncomfortable when trying to ‘solve’ an issue your child will pick up on it and it will be harder for you both. There are plenty of ‘gentler’ techniques out there to try.

5) Ask for help. There is no rulebook that says you must do this alone. People want to help; they just don’t know how to help. If you want to have a nap ask them to take the baby for a walk in the pram, or to come for coffee and help you get on top of folding the laundry.

Human beings are not mind readers, the only way you can get the help you need is to ask.

6) Sleep is king. From the mother of a non-sleeper, the old adage of sleep when your baby sleeps is so true. Co-sleeping is a godsend for a tired mother. Research safe bed sharing or side car a cot to your bed. The less time you are awake at night tending to the baby the better off the whole family will be.

7) The Housework can wait. Spend this time looking after your little one and yourself. If the housework bothers you get a cleaner or arrange for a friend to sit with bubs while you clean.

Finally and this is the big one..

8) If you have a partner, make use of them. There is nothing to say they can’t take the baby out for a couple of hours and give you time to rest (or do the housework if you are so inclined). Let them make their own journey and memories with your little one, their own mistakes – they will only forget the nappies once, I promise. They are learning too so let them try things themselves. Hovering will only annoy them and undermine their confidence.

You are on an amazing journey now, one that will lead you to the highest of highs and possibly the lowest of lows.

Remember you are not alone; mothers around the world have been through it and are there to encourage and support you.

Yes you will find some mothers who will be nasty, judgemental and will try to pull you down for being open and honest but for everyone mother trying to pull you down there are a dozen waiting to lift you back up.

You my dear are an awesome mother and I’ve got your back.

Have you experienced great support since having your baby from other mothers? Please SHARE in comments below.

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30 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 06 Apr 2022
    9:14 am
Just remember you are YOU and your child is your child. Dont compare yourself or your child to anyone else because thats just not fair. You are doing your best and thats all that matters.

- - ella12 said
  - 17 May 2017
    4:26 pm
Yes I think other Mothers can be helpful.

- - Mum to one said
  - 01 Apr 2016
    2:33 pm
So many great tips! i think being respectful of others choices is of utmost importance.

- - Mummytoabeautifulprincess said
  - 31 Jan 2016
    11:15 pm
The thing I have learnt is not to listen to everyone’s ‘advice’ and to do whatever feels comfortable/best for you and your baby. Not everyone is the same so not everything works for everyone.

- - rachelvk said
  - 31 Jan 2016
    10:03 pm
Some great tips here. As new mums we will be bombarded with advice but ultimately we need to trust our instincts.

- - 4littlemunchkins said
  - 30 Oct 2015
    10:02 pm
This is all excellent advice. Follow your instincts, you know your baby better than anyone else.

- - Carolineb said
  - 29 Sep 2015
    8:37 am
Becoming a mum is a life changing event. Some great tips here.

- - tinakraja said
  - 18 Sep 2015
    9:08 pm
I have a masive network of Mums I have met in the last 4 years and wow we are all so different in our methods and ways. My biggest and best piece of advice ever came from a CAFHs Nurse who told me “”””PICK YOUR BATTLES”””” and now I can say I have done this daily for the last 3 years at least. If its not Dangerous or unimportant then don’t fight it as it just creates the worst fight. like If your daughter wants a pink bowl just give her the pink bowl ( her dad struggles with this as he refuses to let her win- she still wins ten minutes later and hes stressing shes spoilt) if you don’t fight them you don’t teach them that screaming and yelling will get them what they want. You wanted a yellow lid oh man silly Mummy I’ll get you the yellow lid, but now I can manipulate this like oh mummy just put the dishwasher on and all the Yellow Lids are in there yucky. she generally goes Oh ok but doesn’t argue because usually she gets it and I don’t lie to her (hahaha)
- mom94125 replied
  
  17 Oct 2015 , 4:06 pm
  lol yeah if you resist them every step, this is the behaviour that they learn and copy
- - mom81879 said
  - 04 Sep 2015
    3:18 pm
There’s a lot of advice out there for new mums. Some is great. Some mums don’t know when to back off. Ok, I hear your tip, I might try it if I need to…….don’t keep insisting yours is the only answe!

- - bec101 said
  - 04 Sep 2015
    10:06 am
I dont think anything can prepare you for being a new mum. Its something you get that uh huh moment when you’re in it

- - mom150983 said
  - 12 Aug 2015
    6:59 am
Love this! There are some great ideas here thanks

- - mom94125 said
  - 03 Aug 2015
    10:24 pm
yes it really, truly does take a village to raise a child

- - Danielle said
  - 02 Aug 2015
    7:07 pm
Something that can’t be stressed enough, take the offer of any help whether it is someone offering to do a quick tidy up, washing dishes or a load of clothes. Be kind to yourself and say yes please, your help would be appreciated.

- - Missey Grace said
  - 02 Aug 2015
    2:59 pm
Really simple, useful tips to new mums, thanks for sharing.

- - mom103920 said
  - 01 Aug 2015
    11:43 am
A lovely read, thankyou. As a mum of four (and all non-sleepers), I can certainly attest to number 6!
- mom93821 replied
  
  01 Aug 2015 , 12:05 pm
  Yep! Sleep whenever you can!
- - BellaB said
  - 01 Aug 2015
    11:40 am
I have generally found other parents to be supportive.

- - mom71809 said
  - 31 Jul 2015
    11:27 pm
Great article – number 2 couldn’t be more true and 2 yrs on I’m still struggling with housework and ensuring little one gets attention/interaction

- - EllenG89 said
  - 31 Jul 2015
    7:12 pm
What a wonderful read! Jam packed full of great advice

- - mom113055 said
  - 31 Jul 2015
    5:57 pm
they look fantastic looks like a great place to be

- - mom141765 said
  - 31 Jul 2015
    1:31 pm
Some great advise. I have been lucky that I have never received any parenting ‘advice’ from strangers, luckily for them. I do however have a red headed boy and neither my husband or I have red hair so constantly get ‘ooh a little red head, where did that come from’ or words to that effect. Some will even go on to regale us with stories of how they too have a red head in the family. Fascinating as it may sound it does get a bit old after the 700th or so time you hear it.