Bullying at the school gate

Bullying not only occurs in the playground but also in the carpark between Mothers at schools across Australia!

Some mothers feel so threatened that they will not get out of the car at drop off and pickups to avoid other school Mums.

This is a real issue and one that many Mothers experience on a daily basis, including myself. For many years I would feel like I was being judged as I walked in to drop off and pick up my children.

Most days I would spend extra time making sure I looked “just right” for school!

I remember when my first daughter started school I felt like I was starting high school all over again, needing to fit in, worrying if I was going to be liked and if people would talk to me.

This was an intense time in my life, as it bought back many memories of being bullied at high school. All my feelings of low self worth were exasperated again!

How was I going to get Mums at the school to like me if I could not even get girls from high school to like me?

This went on for many years until I was able to understand that often these thoughts and feelings were all just in my own head and often not in the reality around me.

I needed to heal myself and build up my confidence to be able to not only walk into the school grounds but anywhere as a self-assured and confident person.

I could not change people around me but what I could change is how I felt inside and how I reacted to what was going on around me.

Here are the first 3 crucial steps to help you to avoid bullying at the gate:

Become your own best friend – we are our biggest critics! We are judgemental and critical of ourselves more than anyone else in our life. How can we expect other people around us to treat us kindly when we do not treat ourselves kindly! Start with you and notice what it is that you are saying to yourself and see how you can be more compassionate to yourself.
Look within – we cannot change how people around us react or act but what we do have control over is how we act and react. To do this we first need to go within and see what and why we are feeling what we are feeling on the outside. The inside is the only place where long lasting change can happen.
Treat others as you want to be treated – rise above the pettiness and treat people around you like you would like to be treated. Be respectful and understanding of what people around you are going through.

By dealing with these issues as a mother it frees us up to become the person we want our children to be, as 80% of our children’s behaviours are learnt through role modelling of a parent! Which is why happy mum = happy kids!

Become the happy and confident person you want your children to role model.

Have you ever experienced bullying at the school gate? Feel free to share your experiences in the comments below.

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35 Comments

- - mom81879 said
  - 21 Nov 2015
    4:02 pm
No, the other mums have never been in issue fir me. They may have tried, but I took no notice. My daughter was bullied at one stage though and they used to sit and wait at the school gate. So they could begin their day of torture as soon as possible

- - Jack said
  - 26 Feb 2015
    9:48 am
This is a great article. It ticked me to think something that I was not aware about. Should I go and buy that BMW X5 so that I can drop off my kid now? Just kidding…

- - Moonberry said
  - 06 Feb 2015
    8:58 pm
Showing them you don’t care what they think helps… They either like you or don’t! You’re there for your children, who cares what they say or think!

- - mom64736 said
  - 28 Jan 2015
    2:43 pm
I’ve never experienced this and I find it weird grown women would bully others. I also think the term bully needs to be used appropriately in the proper context. I also think it is never ok to tell people who are “victims” of bullying that they are the problem and they need to change so people won’t bully them.

- - GeoEllie said
  - 25 Jan 2015
    3:35 am
3 very important and wise tips! Very useful!

- - mom62054 said
  - 14 Jan 2015
    9:29 pm
Why do we do this? We all know that being a mother can be difficult, and yet we all try to out do each other and pretend we have a perfect family and home. Keep dreaming! is all I can say to those women living in their fantasy world.

- - priyachirag said
  - 08 Jan 2015
    11:40 pm
Three really great tips. Children pick up all the anxiety we feel as parents.

- - mom111751 said
  - 30 Dec 2014
    10:47 am
I am really not looking forward to this stage. Thanks for the tips.

- - Lov'n'Life said
  - 27 Dec 2014
    8:47 pm
need all the help I can, constantly struggle to be accepted at school with the mums

- - keeleynme said
  - 15 Dec 2014
    1:40 pm
I don’t get this, you are adults, if they are being immature let them, move on go do what you have to do, who cares about them.
- mom94125 replied
  
  03 Jan 2015 , 11:37 pm
  exactly! don’t waste any more of your life worrying about snobs who don’t matter! there will always be a few lovely ladies who you can chat too! you will spot her, she is the mum that’s is smiling and talking to a new mum every day lol
- - stepmom107932 said
  - 05 Dec 2014
    8:17 pm
i found this very confronting to read, I want to put all the blame on the other mums and say there is nothing i can do but confidence and and self esteem are hard for me and i do put myself down alot

- - mom73211 said
  - 01 Dec 2014
    12:12 pm
Bullying happened at our children’s childcare, and was just ignored. Not good,

- - cloverstorm said
  - 30 Nov 2014
    3:22 pm
I’m sure they’re there. I just don’t think I notice these things. I don’t really give a toss what people think of me anyway

- - christial said
  - 29 Nov 2014
    11:16 pm
Haven’t reached school years yet! But I’m generally not to bothered by how others see me.

- - mom73117 said
  - 29 Nov 2014
    9:25 pm
Oh no, something to look forward too in a few years. I know for sure I won’t be getting dressed up for the school run !

- - june11 said
  - 29 Nov 2014
    3:33 pm
Some Dads are so distressed by the Mum walking out and leaving the children behind that they become very bitter. It takes them time to adjust. I know of a Dad who was like that until he adjusted. Some also have issues when the Mum passes away, he is grieving himself and has to help his children through the process too. If only they would seek help instead of taking it out on others. I have seen this too often.

- - fkathrynm said
  - 28 Nov 2014
    1:47 pm
don’t allow yourself to hear or get put down, take no notice as you know they don’t know you YOU KNOW YOURSELF be proud head held high don’t pollute your ears with rubbish listen to your own heart, who are they to judge others or comment on others, they are not worth even recognising as human beings. As its said ‘if you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all’ that goes for hearing stuff also, turn a blind ear.

- - keeleynme said
  - 27 Nov 2014
    12:32 pm
I never really cared, the mums at my school were nice and introduced themselves. never had any of these issues.

- - zenbart said
  - 26 Nov 2014
    10:42 am
It’s just bad that it’s happening everywhere and I was glad that I stood up against them in my primary and high school life. I didn’t let bullies had the chance to enjoy their day of mocking me for I carried my own weight at that time. Now that I’m older, I don’t take any notice of anyone. I say hello and address people the proper way, and if they’ve decided to stick their nose the other way, I couldn’t careless. At the end of the day we all have the same expression when we go to the toilet and let go off the shit. You can’t falsify that… hahaha

- - rachkap said
  - 26 Nov 2014
    12:24 am
I have never cared what others think! I know who I am within and if they can’t seal with that then that’s their loss!