Hello!

Join Login

Article It’s Ok To Mourn Being A Daughterless Mother

By

83 Comment

I have been blessed with three gorgeous sons. They are my life. However if someone given me a choice for a boy or girl with baby number 3, I may have said ‘girl’. But only for an instant because when I found out I had another beautiful boy coming, my heart literally burst. Three perfect boys.

But as a daughterless mother, there are gaps in my life – although these gaps have been filled with glorious boy stuff. But mother-daughter bonds are pretty special. Our mums have raised us and we want to do our own version of that with our daughters.

And to be honest, there are some things that mums without daughters miss out on.

Here’s an example – my 14 year old son needed a new hoody, thinking we’d have some lovely mother-son time at the mall; we trekked through the surf shops. He found a couple of hoodies he liked and as we headed to the change room – he gave me that look.

I’ll Do It On My Own

 

“Just wait out here somewhere Mum, I’ll decide” – so my boy and a surfie looking young shop guy headed off to the change rooms. I wanted to follow crying “But I’m paying for it!” but wisely looked through a rack of t-shirts instead, tears prickling my eyes.

You see, as a mum of sons, I don’t get to go shopping ‘properly’ with my children. We don’t wander through the shops, browsing, trying clothes on together. And often I buy theirs on my own. I’ve even tried on clothes when my teen was the same size as me, to save myself a trip back to the shops for the right size.

No Girly Talk

I have no one to watch proudly as makeup is tried on for the first time and as hairstyles are experimented with. I have no one to share secrets with and to talk about boys, periods and stuff. Because trust me, with boys there is a time when any topic relating to the body is off-limits indefinitely. Apart from a new deodorant or tube of pimple cream left discretely in their bedroom when I’ve realised they’ve run out.

Boys and school formals are an easy affair – maybe some new shoes, a suit hired and an extra lick of hair gel (and a spray of Dad’s cologne) is all that’s needed, too easy.

But I would have quite enjoyed spending Saturday afternoons trawling through dress shops, gulping at the price of dresses but shedding proud tears as they’re tried on.

No Plaits Or Ponytails

I never get to plait anyone’s hair – which I suppose is a blessing as I’m not sure where we’d have fitted that into our busy school mornings. Still, it might have been nice to do someone’s hair other than my own.

Counting My Blessings

Don’t get me wrong, I feel completely blessed at the joys my boys have brought into my life that I can share with them – I can build Thomas the Tank engine train tracks up quickly and under scrutinising eyes, I can hold my own in backyard cricket, I can kick a footy, I know when to leave my boys alone and when they need their Dad and not their Mum.

So the challenge as a daughterless mother is to acknowledge all the things I won’t be able to do with my boys, to mourn these a little but then to celebrate all the amazing things I can do with my sons.

Because we all know that boys never really leave their mums. And I’m definitely ok with that.

Are you a daughterless mother or a sonless mother or neither? Does it bother you at all? Tell us in the comments below.

Share this

Comments

  • I definitely get this! I’m a mum of all boys as well and with my first I was told it was going to be a girl and didn’t find out until I gave birth that he was a boy. I mourned the loss of a girl then, when pregnant we imagine what the future holds, first dates. Formals, weddings etc and that was all gone so it definitely is a real thing to mourn being a daughterless mother.

    Reply

  • I know a couple of people with sons and no girls who feel a little sad they couldn’t have a girl.

    Reply

  • I’m the Mum to a son, an only child. I never imagined I’d only have one child, but IVF and life meant that was our lot. He is many parts of me – he loves to shop, talk, hang with me and he’s now 20. But, I do appreciate the things a girl brings and have found that with nieces and very close friends’ daughters. So I feel like I’m not missing out.

    Reply

  • Thanks for putting into words what I struggle to get across. I always dreamed of a daughter, and the mother daughter bond. I’m a girly girl, I dreamed of all that I have with my mum. I have seen that once married the mother daughter bond is crazy important when babies come along. My mother in law is a mum of only boys. I feel I am learning from her, the MIL not to be to my future daughter in laws, I pray I have a relationship with my daughter in laws that can bring us close.
    I mourn it when I see friends talk about mother daughter days, mother son days are just not quite as girly as I dreamed…
    My husband doesn’t understand about my grief about not having a daughter. Mum friends who never wanted a girl/boy and were blessed with the gender of their dreams don’t get it. Those with both genders don’t get it. We are so blessed to have our boys and we’re blessed that IVF gave us our boys. But I will mourn the daughter I always expected I would be blessed with.

    Reply

  • Hi Carla!

    ARTICLEBring Back The Sparkle! 5 Tips To Deep Clean Your Bathroom

    By Jacinta

    August 21, 2020

    84 Comments

    I don’t know about you, but I always envy people with a gorgeously clean bathroom. It’s like your life must be in order if you have a bathroom that sparkles! I want that, I want my life to be in order, I want a bathroom that SHINES and there is only one way to make it happen…. You must deep clean your bathroom!

    You know the ‘deep clean’, the one that gets rid of any little stains, odors and any bacteria that might be hanging around. Yes, it will take you a couple of hours, though once you are done, you’ll find yourself regularly wandering into the room just to take in that clean, fresh feeling you’ve worked so hard for.

    Sure, I clean my bathroom regularly, though as much as I try, I just can’t seem to nail the ‘deep clean’. So, I did a little research and guess what, I am now the proud owner of a SPARKLING, yes you heard that right, SPARKLING bathroom AND the bonus is, the sparkle will last. Want to know my secrets?

    Here are 5 tips to deep clean your bathroom!

    It’s all about the steam

    Steam is INCREDIBLE when it comes to removal of build-up and stains. Want a streak free shower screen? Steam. Remove some mould? That’s right, steam is the answer. Make things easier to wipe down? You guessed it, STEAM. Most people automatically think they need to purchase an expensive machine, well, there is a much easier alternative. Spray down all of your surfaces with your favourite cleaning agent, then simply turn your shower head onto the hottest setting and let the steam flow through the room. Grab your favourite scrubbing brush / sponge /  scourer and set about your task, you’ll find it much easier with the help of the steam in the room to deep clean your bathroom.

    Shine, shine, shine

    Tapware is such an important part of a bathroom, a piece that every person uses when they’re in the room (well, they should… side note: anyone have any tips on getting my kids to wash their hands, EVERYTIME?). Want to get that gorgeous shine? Tapware is the key. Grab an old toothbrush, apply tip number 1 and scrub your way around every part of the tap. The base of the tap is always the giveaway, so make sure you are focusing on getting into every little nook. Once you’ve removed any grime or mould, it’s time for some window cleaner and the perfect cloth, now stand back at look at that shine!

    Clean up your grout

    Grout is always a dead giveaway for how clean a bathroom is. Sometimes there is mould that has been there forever and seems like it’s just how things are, though there are ways to help remove these stains.  The first step is to find an amazing grout brush, spray the whole area with warm water and put some elbow grease into it. It will help loosen up any mould, from there, if it’s still showing signs of mould discolouring, you can make your own cleaning agent (2 parts water to one part white vinegar), and if that’s still not working it’s time to invest in some specific grout cleaner which you’ll find at your local hardware store. The key here is that once you’ve given it a deep clean and removed any mould stains, it’s best to keep on top of it with a regular scrub.

    Wipe down fixtures and walls

    Take a look right around the room, do you have an exhaust fan? Does it have dust gathered around it? Give it a good wipe down (please make sure you turn it off first!), wipe down light switches, towel railings, dust across the top of your vanity and take a closer look at the walls and ceilings – they most likely havent been wiped down in a long time. I always find the sugar soap wipes you can buy from your local supermarket or hardware store are perfect for this type of thing, most people think of them when they’re about to paint a room, though they work perfectly for this type of job!

    Finally – the floors

    Shiny floors are my idea of heaven and when it comes to a shiny bathroom, you HAVE to have shiny floors or it’s just not gonna cut it. No matter what I am cleaning I always leave the floors to last, that way any dust / crumbs / tears / spilt cleaning solution can fall to the floor and I don’t have to worry about it until the end. My advice here, as a shiny floor advocate, is to get yourself an amazing mop such as the Vileda Easy Wring & Clean Turbo Spin Mop. This will honestly cut your mopping time in half and will not break your back, plus it removes over 99% of bacteria with just water.

    So there you have it, my 5 tips to deep clean your bathroom. Do you have any tips to share with us? TELL US IN THE COMMENTS BELOW.

    We are proud to be working closely with the Vileda team to bring you this article. We love that we feel safe and clean using Vileda products and that we can rely on Vileda products for superior, thorough and effective all-round home hygiene. Vileda – It feels great to feel at home.

    *The removes over 99% of bacteria claim is supported by research undertaken by an independent, accredited institute for microbiology & immunology. Find out more at www.vileda.com.au

    Share ThisShare Bring Back The Sparkle! 5 Tips To Deep Clean Your Bathroom on Facebook Share Bring Back The Sparkle! 5 Tips To Deep Clean Your Bathroom on Twitter Share Bring Back The Sparkle! 5 Tips To Deep Clean Your Bathroom on Pinterest Share Bring Back The Sparkle! 5 Tips To Deep Clean Your Bathroom on Tumblr Share Bring Back The Sparkle! 5 Tips To Deep Clean Your Bathroom via email Share Bring Back The Sparkle! 5 Tips To Deep Clean Your Bathroom via browser

     COMMENTS

    84 COMMENTSPOST A COMMENT

      mom2384 said17 May 2021
    10:06 am

    Thanks for putting into words what I struggle to get across. I always dreamed of a daughter, and the mother daughter bond. I’m a girly girl, I dreamed of all that I have with my mum. I have seen that once married the mother daughter bond is crazy important when babies come along. My mother in law is a mum of only boys. I feel I am learning from her, the MIL not to be to my future daughter in laws, I pray I have a relationship with my daughter in laws that can bring us close.
    I mourn it when I see friends talk about mother daughter days, mother son days are just not quite as girly as I dreamed…
    My husband doesn’t understand about my grief about not having a daughter. Mum friends who never wanted a girl/boy and were blessed with the gender of their dreams don’t get it. Those with both genders don’t get it. We are so blessed to have our boys and we’re blessed that IVF gave us our boys. But I will mourn the daughter I always expected I would be blessed with.

    Reply

  • I think its the human condition to want what we don’t have

    Reply

  • I never had a Mother-Daughter relationship with my Mum so I’d have nothing to share with them. Instead I have 2 boys who I am very proud of and we have a very strong relationship. It doesn’t bother me that I had no girls to spend time with

    Reply

  • I understand the feel of maybe boys not needing their mums like girls do. It happened to me as they grew up

    Reply

  • I posted a comment but I don’t know if it came through so I will try again. I have 4 boys my eldest is 35.. I love my boys but I have always wanted a girl. There is a saying “ have a daughter and you have a friend for life, have a son and you have him until he takes a wife” in my case this is true, I’ve heard it from many nuns of boys, boys tent to gravitate towards their wife/ girlfriends family. Also boys are not as talkative or emotional as girls. I love my boys dearly but I still wish I had a girl.

    Reply

  • I can understand this, I’ve got two of the same gender and recently found out I’m unlikely to be able to have anymore of my own.

    Reply

  • My sister is pregnant with her second and wants a girl but she has also realised the benefits of having 2 boys is that she will have a lot more “me” time when they do activities with dad

    Reply

  • I would love to have a girl so so badly. We are gonna try once more so fingers crossed it’s a girl

    Reply

  • When I was pregnant with my first and find out that its a boy my husband saw me very upset as I really wanted girl and he promised me the next one will be a girl….I am mum of one boy and one girl

    Reply

  • I know regardless of gender all kids are different but I worry there will be a time when I’m no longer needed.

    • Oops meant mums of boys 🙂

      • Sorry that comment came up in wrong place I meant to say to you I understand what you mean because my boys have grown now and they don’t seem to need me at all

    Reply

  • I have always said that although I love my sons madly, and would not have complained if I’d had all boys, I’m pleased I have boys and a girl. They are different, and I’m grateful to get that range of experience.

    Reply

  • Nice read.
    We can have our dreams, but in the end not one single boy or girl is the same.
    Lets celebrate indeed all the amazing things we can do with our kids (boys or girls).

    • I come from a family of 5 girls. My mum always would have loved a boy for my father, however my dad was happy with his 5 girls and wherever he went he would talk with pride about us.
      I myself have 3 girls and 1 boy

    Reply

  • Don’t worry about shopping, I have a daughter and we don’t shop together, I detest it.

    Reply

  • Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing! I can appreciate the thought process… it is a type of mourning, and also takes you on a journey – realising how blessed you are to be entrusted with the role of raising boys to be gentlemen. My heart melts with happiness when I see the bond between our boys and their Dad and I’m just so glad I am part of it.

    Reply

  • My little boy is such a mummies boy. He is only 10 months so taking advantage of this as I know it won’t last.
    I would love to have a girl too.

    Reply

  • Family life is just different when you only have boys isn’t it

    Reply
Post a comment

To post a review/comment please join us or login so we can allocate your points.

Join Login

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just a star rating?

Write A Rating Just A Star Rating
Join