Dear Meghan, I Feel Your Pain! My Newborn Was (Apparently) Too Black!

Dear Meghan,

Although I know you will never actually read this, I wanted to put it out into the universe that I feel your pain. When you brought up the topic of your unborn baby’s skin tone being a subject of interest to your husband’s family I could feel your pain with every cell of my being. And I am so sorry that you had to endure that!

The peculiar thing about racism to me is that it doesn’t necessarily need to come from a race different from your own. No, racism is such an evil thing that it can and often does come from members of the same race in my experience.

Unbelievable!

Similar to your unfortunate ordeal, I too shocked my husband’s family with the colour of our most recent baby. And my goodness I did not know whether to laugh or to cry at his parent’s sheer stupidity. Honestly to this very moment I remain dumbfounded by their lack of love.

Just hours after our newborn arrived and my in-laws got to see her for the first time, their greatest concern wasn’t for how she was doing, but rather the horror of the colour of our little blessing’s skin.

Ridiculous!

The confusion for them over how I could have possibly given birth to such a black child was- well- indescribable really. On one hand it’s ridiculous, because both my husband and I are of colour. But it also amused me that they didn’t consider this fact- even though they are people of colour themselves!

Apparently, there is a caste system, however, which I didn’t know much about. But basically, if I had birthed a baby with my father’s beautiful blue eyes, one which had no resemblance to my hubby – a beautiful Caucasian little bundle of love opposed to my beautiful dark chocolate piece of heaven, she would have been celebrated as though she were royalty.

Is It Really True?

Instead of receiving phone calls congratulating us on the safe arrival of our baby, all I ever got was phone calls coming in from all around the world with my husband’s curious relatives inquiring if the rumours were indeed true. Had I honestly delivered a child that was darker than her father… as it was, his family considered him to be darker than acceptable.

It makes me sick to think about it. Then again it equally infuriated me the way they would rejoice in the colour of our youngest son. His complexion is far fairer than any of his siblings and I remember telling my in-laws that their joy would be short-lived because eventually he would spend enough time outdoors, soak up that glorious sun and as he gets older he obviously wouldn’t be as ‘white’.

Typing that made me just realise why they must find it so hard to accept me… I don’t fit into their idea of wonderful. And I go directly against their concept of beauty.

Racism Can Happen Anywhere!

I guess what I am trying to say is that racism can happen anywhere, whether it be in a royal palace or behind the closed doors of our own homes.

What’s important is that we convey a clear message of unity, understanding and acceptance to our children by showing them how racism has no place in our own hearts.

Heartbreaking!

It’s challenging for me, especially when the radical ideas being given to my children are coming from their own grandparents. It’s even more heartbreaking for me when my eldest daughter asks me to please do something about my skin so that it can be the same colour as hers!

I can’t even describe how bad that feels. She should never have been forced to see different skin tones. And I resent that my in-laws made her feel so insecure.

Say It Proudly!

Moving forward, however, the word ‘Black’ forms an integral part of my newborn’s name to show her how beautiful and courageous this word truly is. I believe she is going to be a fierce little character who has a strong sense of self that will not crumble under the pressure of being singled out as darker than acceptable by her relatives.

This being said, who knows whether I will continue to allow people into my children’s lives who aren’t able to look past skin tones…

Hurtful

Perhaps I will simply take a page out of Meghan Markle’s book and create ‘space’ between my family and anyone who questions the colour of my children’s skin.

Can we really ignore racism simply because it comes from the ones closest to us? Sometimes the ones even in our own family… Often it’s not the racism from strangers but that from one’s own family members which hurts the most.

Have you or your family ever been subject to any kind of prejudice or criticism from other family members? Tell us in the comments below.

47 Comments

- - meedee said
  - 29 Feb 2024
    12:29 pm
WOW…. some people simply are amazing with how their minds work.

- - mom466291 said
  - 27 Mar 2023
    10:28 pm
Sad that people have to ensure this from their own family

- - mom169205 said
  - 03 Mar 2023
    10:37 pm
Myself and my husband discussed our babies possible sex, skin colour and also possible eye colour and possible hair colour, size, this is a normal thing to do so therefore I took no offence to any of our families curiosities either.

- - charmanda29 said
  - 28 Dec 2022
    10:40 pm
No mother should have to go through that!

- - mom160289 said
  - 19 Jun 2022
    11:02 am
I have not been in this position but have heard of this in some cultures.
Same thing as when a boy is celebrated but not a girl.

- - mom111059 said
  - 29 Mar 2022
    2:12 pm
How hurtful for a new mum. Your baby is beautiful and I hope they will be embarrassed by their behaviour towards her

- - mum300445 said
  - 05 Sep 2021
    3:42 am
How upsetting for a new mum that everyone should focus on skin colour. I’d be upset too. You just need positivity at that time.

- - littlehandsofmine said
  - 28 Jun 2021
    6:08 am
Goodness people really shouldn’t judge, it is such a blessing for a baby to be born, doesn’t matter about their colour.

- - mom101628 said
  - 19 Jun 2021
    6:09 pm
I still laugh when I think back to the innnocent young nurse who asked me when my husband was going to come in to see our baby as he had been there most days. My baby was born with a wonderful tan and looked quite dark in the babies ward but neither of us as far as we know had any other heritage other than English. Poor thing was so embarrassed.

- - mom7108 said
  - 30 Mar 2021
    5:36 pm
I actually look at Meghan and think of he skin as being much darker than a tan, I didn’t know her heritage until it was smeared all over the media via the interview. No I didn’t follow the wedding or see her parents beforehand.

- - ella12 said
  - 24 Mar 2021
    11:09 am
That is truly heartbreaking and very disrespectful.

- - tessie said
  - 22 Mar 2021
    11:28 am
I’ve never been through this issue with family or friends. My boys are more olive skinned and I’m basically pure white and no-one has ever commented on it. I’m sorry for anyone that has had to go through something like this. You should be judged on your attitude not on your skin colour

- - Lovesthecuddles said
  - 15 Mar 2021
    7:53 pm
I understand discussing the excitement of eye and hair colour but skin colour. I don’t see why it matters.

- - shanika said
  - 15 Mar 2021
    1:24 pm
I never had such a situation.

- - rovermum said
  - 15 Mar 2021
    9:40 am
I’m so sorry this Mum has had to endure this, and from her own family no less. I really don’t understand where this comes from. Babies are a precious gift, sometimes so hard to come by. We should be accepting of all babies.

- - Frankiielot said
  - 14 Mar 2021
    11:24 pm
From my hubby’s family I always get how “white” our kids are!
Hubby is half Aussie and I was born just as “white” as my kids even though my background is Filipino.
Everytime they say it, I always look at my hubby and say, “I was paper white when I was born”. It actually really annoys me. I don’t know whether they are implying that I’ve had an affair both times or if they’re just saying it because they don’t know any better. It’s not even like I’m at all that dark.
I definitely feel your pain!!!

- - mom60462 said
  - 13 Mar 2021
    10:37 am
It shouldnt matter what colour our skin is we are all the same.
- Ellen replied
  
  14 Mar 2021 , 8:25 am
  Yes, so it is exactly !
- - mom469784 said
  - 13 Mar 2021
    9:59 am
Are you people serious? Who actually believes her? She’s money hungry, attention seeking, Hollywood trash! The princess thing didn’t work out for her and she was becoming less and less relevant, so she makes some shocking claim about race and colour…..something people seem determined to play the victim over. What better way to put yourself in the spotlight. Shame on every one of you who believes that nonsense.
- Ellen replied
  
  14 Mar 2021 , 11:28 am
  The article is about prejudice and criticism of other family members, it’s not really about Meghan at all.
  - babymumma replied
    
    15 Apr 2021 , 2:28 pm
    
    I hate reading peoples comments on topics like this, most people are so understanding and unnecessarily apologetic on the behalf of those who only care for themselves.
    To those who are supportive, you’re doing the right thing, and you’re making a change! Keep teaching our little ones to be accepting to all people of all walks of life. Judgement should not exist.
    To those who think its acceptable to belittle someone based on their colour, culture, heritage, age, disabilities, wealth, and personality traits.. shame on you. What have these people done to you, to cause you to make comments on their life which you have not been apart of.
    We are all different in everywhere. No two people are the same.
    That’s how its meant to be.
    Accept everyone for who they are, so this world can be a better place.
- - Mumofboys said
  - 13 Mar 2021
    8:17 am
This is so sad to read, I honestly cannot understand why people still question the colour of ones skin, it makes me so angry. People need to stop seeing colour on the skin and focus on what is in the inside of a person

- - Ellen said
  - 13 Mar 2021
    5:22 am
It’s just one of those thing people do; the newly born is studied and comments about similarities and differences with and from the birth parents are made. There are not always bad intentions in this.