Essential tips to keep bullying at bay

Unfortunately we live in a world where bullying still occurs around us, in schools, home, workplace, sporting arenas and in most areas of our lives.

In such an advanced world we live in, bullying still does occur. I have often pondered on what it would take to stamp out bullying once and for all, although I have not come up with that magic answer yet!

What I do know is that it starts in the home environment, either building our children up with resilience or teaching our children empathy for others around them.

I know this to be true as I was a bully victim at high school and as a result of this; I suffered long term low self-esteem and little confidence.

It was not until I became a Mother (to my four gorgeous monkeys) that I really realised how much I was still carrying around with me from my bullying experience throughout high school. It was like my children amplified all my insecurities, especially as I re-entered the kindergarten and school environment with them. It was like I was starting all over again and trying desperately to fit not only for myself this time but for my children to fit in as well!

Oh the pressure I put on myself back then, no wonder I was always felt nervous and anxious!

From this experience and been a few years into the schooling arena with my children (my eldest daughter is currently in year 8), I can look back and see that because I felt so insecure within myself, I was inadvertently putting these insecurities onto my children, which is what I desperately did not want to do. It was in the form of worrying constantly about them if they would fit in and make friends (and making this an issue with them by discussing it with them each day after school – “Who did you play with today?, What did you do?, Was anyone mean to you?”) It was also in the form of a not so obvious way, a way of how I was role modelling to my children how to behave, I would never involve myself in social scenes at the school, never stand tall and confidently and often showing my anxiety in obvious ways like getting upset and sweating the small stuff! These were all things that my children were living and learning each and every day!

To help your children become a confident and happy child, you first need to help yourself to become the person you desperately want your child to be.

Here are a couple of essential tips to start this process for you at home today:

Deal with your personal issues: it is important to get Mum feeling confident and in control of her life first, which will then flow down to her children. The more we can look within and work on our own stuff the less we will feel the need to put others down to make ourselves feel better.
Accept your child for who they are: love and accept your child as they are right now. If we can accept our children and show this to them though love and feeling proud of them.
Create empathy: model and teach your children to be empathetic and how to recognize emotions that are being experienced by those around them. Be understanding and empathetic towards your children for what they are going through.

I am very passionate about this subject and I have written a book about it called, Beyond The Schoolyard. In honour of today’s ‘National Day of Action Against Bullying and Violence’ I would like to offer you all the first chapter of my book for free.

Start a ripple, create a wave. It begins with you!

Just maybe this is that magic answer to stamping out bullying once and for all – starting with ourselves to create that ripple effect!

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20 Comments

- - ella12 said
  - 12 Jul 2017
    4:05 pm
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

- - mom81879 said
  - 15 Nov 2015
    6:18 pm
I wish this worked for everyone. Too many young, beautiful, confident, intelligent people are being lost to this scourge. It’s in the headlines so much, everyone knows of the possible tragic outcome, yet young ones continue to destroy one another. So sad

- - christial said
  - 29 Jun 2015
    8:07 pm
I really hope my son will not have to deal with bullies as he grows up.

- - mom113055 said
  - 18 May 2015
    12:36 pm
so great

- - mom113055 said
  - 14 May 2015
    3:21 pm
it s great

- - mom113055 said
  - 09 May 2015
    4:39 pm
great to read

- - Erahh said
  - 05 May 2015
    1:22 pm
I was bullied at school for the clothes i wore, CRAZY, thats what my mum bought me i couldn’t help it. When i put pressure on my mother to buy better clothes my mothers relationship with me would turn negative because thats all she could afford. Bullying extends far from the playground. I hope i can be more aware and help my kids get through any hurdles in regards to bullying. Its great the support out for parents now to help.

- - mom94378 said
  - 17 Apr 2015
    6:36 pm
So very topical these days. Avoid bullying and recognise signs that you might be a bully too is what i tell my kids.

- - mom103920 said
  - 06 Apr 2015
    10:38 am
When my older two kids started high school, they were repeatedly bullied by kids that used to be friends, and then on weekends still wanted to come over and play. That was an easy “NO”. I encouraged my kids to join music and sports programs to meet new friends and tried to support them through their fears. My current worry is cyber-bullying, as my oldest is now grade 9 and asking for Facebook because she is “the only one in the whole school without it, Mum”. I’m arming my kids with info about what is bullying, when to report it, who to report it to, and being confident to at least talk to me if they see someone at risk.

- - stepmom107932 said
  - 06 Apr 2015
    7:48 am
I know all about having issues with bullying and and all about not wanting to show my anxiety to my daughter.
i also have depression and anxiety so i End up showing my anxiety a lot

- - rovermum said
  - 01 Apr 2015
    11:32 am
Our son has been a victim of bullying and it was horrendous. We worked very long and hard to make change that has worked for our son. I’ve also encouraged him to look at why the bullies bullied him, the power they had in packs, the jealousy that led to their bullying. I’ve also encouraged forgiveness. As his Mum, who also endured the bullying with him, I need to get there, too.

- - deb_gs said
  - 31 Mar 2015
    7:50 pm
I agree that the core solution is self esteem in the family unit. Building it and nuturing self esteem, demonstrating relationships of respect and the parents acting as role models to children.

- - robyn_smithwick said
  - 31 Mar 2015
    4:31 pm
Bullies can make your life very unpleasant! Looing back now I was bullied at school but I did not let it upset me that much. Come to think of it I was bullied at my last work place too!

- - mom113937 said
  - 31 Mar 2015
    3:59 pm
I was bullied at school and now watching my children deal with it is awful, in fact bullying these days seems to be so much worse..

- - mom129550 said
  - 31 Mar 2015
    2:22 pm
thanks this is really helpful

- - mom94125 said
  - 25 Mar 2015
    11:04 pm
yes!!! teach our kids the right way to deal with things like this! don’t be a bully and don’t get bullied but understand why and how

- - curlytops said
  - 21 Mar 2015
    10:39 pm
good luck with your book. Support like this is valuable to parents.
- debbie rosi replied
  
  22 Mar 2015 , 9:52 am
  Thank you. x
- - rachaelchara said
  - 21 Mar 2015
    4:36 pm
Interesting article. Some great ideas to put in place in our lives.
- debbie rosi replied
  
  22 Mar 2015 , 9:53 am
  Thank you. Remember 1 action each day (big or small)! x