And if so, what does she do to you or your family to make things difficult or what does she say to be hurtful? Have you made the decision to cut her from your lives due to her bad behaviour to you, your husband or your children?

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  • I do, she is horrible. I wish we could cut her off!

  • Sorry to hear, this would be very hard to deal with.

  • I know many with this issue – we try to see my mother in law once a week and the kids enjoy the company. It would be such a difficult situation if your husband doesn’t share the same view, it’s family after all

  • I suppose it is different levels for all families. I’d try hard to still have contact but to keep it controlled. Mine way very difficult but she also had her good days. We did it this way and in the end she needed us as all other family had moved away. We were there for her and it feels good knowing we did the right thing.

  • My husband and I have nothing to do with his family. They emotionally abused and manipulated him for years, Everything was always about them, even tried to make our wedding and is having our first child about them, very narcissistic toxic people. So we don’t associate with them. If on the off chance we see them, we are polite and civil but that’s it. They are not family to us.

  • It is a hard one that is for sure. I have heard stories of friends who have distanced themselves from their MIL, as the hubby can’t see what she is doing, but also, normally it is directed at just the wife/mother. So the husband cant see the undertones that females do often say. Plus, they are the grandparents of the children, so thats another challenge as well.

  • Not so much my MIL but more my SILs!
    From day dot they didn’t like me because they thought my husband should have stayed with his previous girlfriend due to them sharing a kid (talk about stay together for the kids?!).
    This last mother’s day one of them gave the other a massive box of chocolates in front of me and said, “this is from me and X. Happy mother’s day”.
    Another time was when his son was over the MIL’s house and one of the sisters was there she goes to his son, “go stand next to your dad so I can take a picture of both of you for my FAMILY wall”.
    Another time was at our baby’s first birthday. One of his sisters was taking photos and she got her brother (hubby) to stand with his son and our two kids and said out loud, “family photo”.
    I’m really sick of the stabs but hubby is close to his sisters so I’m not really sure what to do. I’m sure he’s blind to the things they do to me!!!

  • Oh this must be so hard :( Does your husband share the same feelings or sees what you are going through? Hopefully you can sort this out soon.

  • This must be so difficult for you all. Have to talked to your partner about this?

  • You should join the Facebook group “that’s it I’m MIL shaming” – it’s a great support group for people with toxic MILs

  • My MIL passed away long before I met my husband, but I find my SIL very difficult. She makes remarkably insulting and usually unhelpful comments (eg not actually understanding my son’s disability but sure she knows how I should handle him). Haven’t cut her out, but we do limit the time we spend with her.

  • We have not cut out, just set up rules and do not tolerate poor behaviour. The most important thing is we stay united and do not let it impact our relationship.

  • It is definitely pretty common! But many do have great MILs.

  • I had a few issues with my mil, which caused upset by me and her. We tried to talk about it and I wrote some letters too. I found kind of a balance, whereby she’s neither close or distant to us. We moved to a different country (she wasn’t the reason), so it’s not really an issue anymore. My husband phones his mum once a fortnight and we visit them all together with our family once in the two years or so.

  • We set up very clear boundaries.

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