Kids always pick up on these little things and use it against you! Sometimes it’s best to explain to the child the reasoning behind what you’ve asked them to do. Or you could say that you’re teaching them the correct way to do it. Have a chat to them that it’s inappropriate behavious to say that and how it makes you feel

I think it’s important husband and wife are on one line and show respect to eachother and would make an effort to your husband to get this across. Btw I think it’s just as important we show respect to our kids as the kids to us as parents.
I think how to respond depends on age and understanding.
My youngest is 7yr and has Down Syndrome. When she says something she shouldn’t I may totally ignore it as it’s often attention seeking in her case. Or sometimes i just tell “that’s not very kind”
My 11yr old can be extremely disrespectful (she has a conduct disorder) and when she is disrespectful to me I simply tell in a neutral tone “that is not very respectful, I expect a different attitude of you” she may respond with “I don’t care” on which I warn her that when she doesn’t change her attitude she may have some thinking time in her bedroom

It’s obviously best nto to say negative things about each other in front of the kids… at the very least, your husband was unsupportive. I think simply telling your son “you’re not allowed to talk to me like that. YOu need to be polite.” and repeating it whenever he’s disrespectful is probably enough at this stage.

Ooooooo this is a tough one. What your partner said may be correct but a 5 year old wouldn’t know your partners reasoning and context behind saying and seems to have judged his own way. Maybe see if your husband can expand on what he said. Maybe by saying “yes mummy wants things done her way because she is teaching you how to do it”

Your husband needs to support you in your decision the children do quickly pick up on things

what did you end up doing//

there are some good comments here

I wouldn’t know how to handle this. Hope it has gotten better

How did you end up managing it?

Oh that would really upset me! Hope it’s settled down now.

how is it going now?

Has your husband seen him being disrespectful? If not you could tape him and show your husband. But if your husband has seen it and doesn’t have a problems sounds like you have a problem with your husband.

How are things going with him now?

how did you go?

Doesn’t sound good and needs to be stopped otherwise he will think he can get away with it all the time.

Your husband need to remember that children remember a lot of things and to not talk to you like that when your children are around

I hope you found a way to handle it

Your child will mimic the way you and your partner speak to each other. Hopefully you can work this out with your husband so that it instills respect in your child

I hope this situation is getting better for you

Your husband needs to set him right and he’s to talk with his son and explain that you can’t be rude to your mother in general and see if that works.