When I had my second child, apart from getting meals from my family and friends which was a massive help the thing I appreciated most was after a little while, my best friend came over to look after the bub so I could spend some one on one time with my oldest. It was really lovely for her to feel special and have mummy time on her own. We just went to a local park so I wasn’t far from home and my bestie stayed home with bub who mostly slept anyway and amazingly sorted about 3 loads of washing for me.

Just be there, bring her coffee, take the toddler to the park

Cooking food for her, just being there.

A relative of mine craved for adult conversation, especially as her husband’s job took him away overnight 5 – 6 times a week. Sometimes he was away for the whole week, leaving Mon. night and occasionally not getting home until very late Sat. night. The length of time they are allowed to drive long distance is regulated – there is a maxinum, so is the length of breaks – mininum time. They have to fill in logbooks which can be checked by the Police at any time, or officials at weighbridges. There is also maxinum height for open trucks. She would often come and visit us for 2 or 3 hours at night until it was time to take the elder one, aged 7yo home to bed. On occasions I went to her place and kept her company while she did the ironing and looked after the children if they were awake. I sometimes either hung the washing out or took it in and folded it for her to put it away. I wasn’t there often to fold it so I didn’t know where all the things went apart from the linen cupboard.

What a lovely, thoughtful friend you are! If she hasn’t got a slow cooker – get her one! Cooking meals for the freezer would be helpful too. I found having activity sets for my first when my second was born was really helpful – something the older child can do while Mum is feeding, changing, settling the baby.

Let her know you are there and ask her what she needs. I found it hard to ask for help. With second babies we don’t seem to get the help we do with the first, and it’s often ‘expected’ we will cope. I found that someone doing a load of washing and hanging it out when they visited really helped, and spending time with the older child – something as simple as reading to them or doing some art, or taking them to the park really made a difference. Just having regular, adult conversation can really make a difference too!