We are currently going through a rough patch. We’ve been evicted, house hunting, packing, organising and finding the money for bills is really stressing me out. My partner has left his job due to health issues. I’m really struggling being the only one to do anything. He sits up late, wakes up late, spends a lot of days drinking and smoking pot. I have to make enquiries, book appointments (Dr, dentist, accountant, vet) I do EVERYTHING and I’m just so tired of being the only adult. All I think about is leaving him. How do I know it’s the relationship that’s dead and not just me feeling low because of everything else that’s going on? I am making myself so ill stressing over things, I’ve had to get medication to keep it under control, the first time ever I’ve needed it. I’m so scared I’ll make the wrong decision and maybe ruin a good (30+ years together and 2 kids) relationship but also scared that I’ll deteriorate more if I stay. :(

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  • If that’s what he’s doing know it won’t get any better get out of there ASAP

  • Everything you wrote needs to be said to your man! Rough patches are truly hard and if he cannot take up some of the slack then he needs to wake up. Marriages/Partnerships are two people working together. Understanding he has a health problem and that needs addressing but the POT is not helping things. Sometimes we do ask for help from our doctors and taking pills getting prescription drugs to help can cloud your normal judgement. Talk to your closest friends, relatives and maybe the Salvation Army can help. Talking to people in your community who have the skills to assist you first can make ALL THE DIFFERENCE without judgement! Take Care!

  • Unfortunately you can’t change him. The only thing you have any control over is yourself and your choices. Go and see a counsellor to get help making the decisions you need to make for yourself. It must be hard feeling like you are the only adult in the situation, but you are stronger than you think.

  • I think you need to strip it all back. At the end of this do you have his back and his yours? If they are no longer your person then maybe its time. But definitely don’t make a rash decision based on things being hard.

  • It sounds like you already know what would be best for you xx

  • you may want to consider some counselling to help you make life decisions. good luck it is not easy

  • You need to look after you, however, if you think that things can change if HE tries, then you really need to talk to him and make sure he knows you are serious. He make be feeling depressed also, and is dealing with it the only way he knows. I would seek help from a counsellor. Maybe then, things will work out.
    Good luck

  • i recently read a quite that said ‘if its not a fuck yes then its a hell no’
    life is to short. i work in the morgue, i see how life can be over in an instant and also the post mortem issues when there is fractures in families.
    BE HAPPY!!! dont dim your light for someone who isnt putting in as much effort.

  • I think you need to talk to your husband and show him how serious this is – maybe with a marriage counsellor in the room. But I think that if he doesn’t change, you’ll have to leave in order to look after yourself.

  • I hope you’ve found some support. It sounds like you need him to understand about how you feel about his drinking, drug use and lack of import. I would strongly suggest getting some counselling – alone and together, if possible. Best wishes, it can get better.

  • Seek advice from a professional and go through couple counselling definitely few areas to work on if you want to stay

  • I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles. Is therapy something you could consider before giving up? End of the day you need to be happy and not just be in it because of how long it’s been,

  • I would suggest you are both very low and struggling so counselling would be a good place to start. I do hope things improve for you soon.

  • If you’re asking that question I’m not sure there is a way for it to be repaired. Best to talk to a counsellor and see if they can help you both work things out, or help you both realise it’s time to head your separate ways..

  • It always hard…sending virtual hug to you

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