How to say no to one of your oldest friend’s weddings?

One of my friends from high school is getting married early next year.
Her wedding is midweek, in the afternoon and it’s my husband’s first day back at work. He is management and cannot ask to leave early on that day as he is in charge of the new staff.

Anyway, the issue I have is that by then I will have 4 kids (aged 6mths – 9yrs), two of which are high needs and don’t actually like people outside our family, so having a baby sitter would be stressful for them. Plus it’s too much to expect anybody to watch four children, even without special needs in the mix.

We really aren’t close, only see each other once every few years, and I feel we don’t have anything in common anymore. She has recently had a falling out with friends from high school that she was really close with, so I feel like she is really depending on me to be there.

So how would you say you can’t attend without coming across as finding excuses?

Post your reply

Want more real mum questions sent to you?

15 replies
Post a reply

- - Ellen said
  - 04 Jan 2024
    8:57 am
I would explain the situation you’re in and arrange another date to catch up with her for her wedding when your husband can look after the kids
- - GemmaLaurenMary said
  - 09 Jan 2023
    1:37 pm
I would be honest with them. If they see you ad a friend they should understand.
- - CaffimezMom said
  - 24 Jul 2022
    5:07 pm
Be honest with her. Are kids allowed at the wedding? basically let her know you will be there with 4 kids in tow. If she gets angry it is on her.
- - kikidaz12 said
  - 13 Jun 2022
    8:46 pm
I’d just be honest and say what you have said above, including that you really would like to have attended but unfortunately it is not possible.

You wish them the very best etc etc
- - ozstarlett said
  - 12 Jun 2022
    9:35 pm
apologise and say you can’t make it – I’m sure if they are truly a friend they’ll understand
- - mom400215 said
  - 10 Jun 2022
    9:09 pm
Just be honest with her & sounds like you aren’t great friends anymore. Just think if the situation was reversed how would you feel?
- - Hayesmum said
  - 09 Jun 2022
    10:55 pm
Sounds like you don’t want to go either way, just be honest or make the excuse that you can find anyone to watch the kids.
- - Mum2archer said
  - 31 May 2022
    10:23 pm
Just be honest. I’m sure she will be disappointed that you can’t share in her day, but if shes a good friend she will be understanding
- - BellaB said
  - 31 May 2022
    4:26 pm
If she has kids, I’d think she’d understand. If not, I think spell out the situation as you have here, and ask her if you can celebrate privately with her at some other time.
- - Julzie13 said
  - 28 May 2022
    9:10 am
Be straight to the point. Regardless of having kids, you’re mentioning you are not all that close with nothing in common anymore. That is your answer right there.
- - cassy26 said
  - 23 Apr 2022
    9:49 am
Honesty is always the best policy and kids always come first. I’m sure she will understand. Maybe send a nice gift wishing them all the best instead.
- - Amanda Holland said
  - 23 Apr 2022
    8:44 am
Just let her know that as much as you would love to attend, unfortunately due to certain circumstances and other commitments you can not go.
If you feel really bad about it. Catch up with her before the wedding for coffee and then again after to hear all about her day.

Another suggestion, could you go to just the ceremony?
- - chill said
  - 21 Apr 2022
    2:44 pm
I wouldn’t stress about it too much, I’m sure she will have plenty of other friends and family to make her day special.
- - Frankiielot said
  - 19 Apr 2022
    8:55 pm
If you guys really aren’t close then it shouldn’t matter too much.
Can’t you just RSVP no without a reason? Something like, sadly we are unable to attend but can’t wait to see the photos!
- - tinamaree said
  - 19 Apr 2022
    3:15 pm
Be honest.
Express regret, but if you really can’t go, you really can’t go. If she’s a good friend, she will understand (hopefully).
Unless you can leave your kids with family members you trust, you might not have another option.