I see this is an old question. How is it going now ?

It’s so hard when someone close to you is blinded by love. All ou can try is to talk to your brother, explain the situation and how you’re feeling about it. Yu can’t do anymore then that and hope it sees the truth

i WOULD MAKE A YOU FEEL STATEMENT TO HER.’ I FEEL UPSET WHEN YOU SAID THAT’. sHE i FEEL MUST BE VERY UNCERTAIN ABOUT HERSELF TO BEHAVE IN THIS WAY. LET HER KNOW HOW YOU FEEL WHEN SHE DOES OR SAYS SOMETHING UNKIND. hOPE THIS HELPS THE SITUATION AND YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH YOUR BROTHER

You need to tell your brother how you feel without his wife around.
Explain that you love him & want to maintain a relationship with him but you just can not tolerate his wife & her nastiness anymore.
It is unfair on both of you.
I wish you the best of luck.

You might need to start seeing your brother without her around. You could try explaining the situaiton to him and tell him you can’t deal with her right now. There’s no reason you can’t spend time with your brother without her.

I would get your brother alone and tell him how you feel. He is going to have to see what she is doing eventually

talk to your brother directly when she is not around. let him know how important your relationship is to you but how difficult it is when his wife seems out to create tension.

oops should read “tell him” not me. so sorry.

Had the same situation with my brother and his wife, my sister-in law was very opinionated and would often criticize my brother and it was always her way or no way. They would fight but stayed together for 37 years, till last year when she asked him for a divorce, he was shocked and even though we all wondered how this couple stayed together, we were shocked at the eventual out come as well, but in saying that it was the best thing that could have happened. He is travelling around Australia and is stress free for the first time in years. Things have a way of working them selves out at times, not saying that your brother and sister-in-law will come to this but please my only advice to you is look after yourself and don’t get caught in her viscous web. Speak to your brother and let him know your feelings and tell me that many times you and his wife will agree to disagree.

All my love and strength to you.

just try talking and tell him how you feel

Show your brother what you’ve written here…he might not like it but at least then he’ll know how you feel. If you don’t want to do that, perhaps talk to him one-on-one and explain how you feel but try not to put down his partner – he’ll probably get defensive. Talk about you and him more. All the best.

i would talk to your brother and get him understand where your coming from, but try not get mixed into it to much

Is she really worth losing your brother over? She sounds like she has a lot if insecurities and needs to sort her own issues out first.. Feel sorry for her. If she has that much time on her hands to start problems. She needs to start a new pass time.

I agree with what a few of the other mums have said, it seems like you and your sister in law clash dramatically. Thats no reason to have to lose your brother. You can chat with him, catch up with him etc. whenever shes not around.

I would talk to your brother in person and just tell him whats going on and your really worried thats she’s going to put such a rift between the two of your your going to lose him as a brother.
Hopefully he will listen to you if not have you thought about speaking to your sister in law and just asking why she keeps making these silly arguments happen and what is her problem with the relationship you and your brother have.
Good luck hope everything works put for you.

Talking about this is probably not going to end well. Perhaps you should write to your brother, carefully explaining the problem – with examples. And suggest to him that since you find his wife hard to deal with, and she seems unwilling to ever compromise or back down, you may need to see him without his wife. This might mean you see less of him, but it might also reduce your stress.

you don’t have to forgive her, if you need to be around her,just pretend she isn’t there and if they ask why, then be honest and tell them how you feel

Just tell your brother that you love him, but you cannot have his wife around you and leave it at that, just don’t talk to the woman

I would talk to your brother. Failing this, I would use the motivation of perhaps loosing my brother to talk to his wife about the situation. Call a meeting, have someone there to have your back, try not to “attack” her, attempt to keep calm and just state facts, as soon as she gets emotional/abusive, take a breath, let her rant and quietly ask if she is done. Deal with her tantrum as if you were dealing with a child. If it gets beyond any reason, leave without loosing your temper. (loose it completely when out of sight/ear shot!) If this all fails, see if she would go to mediation. Best of luck in this dreadful situation. I wouldn’t apologise for something that isn’t my fault, did that for too long, feels much better to not give false apologies.

Good luck with this situation. Unless your brother sees her do it, he may think you are telling lies, that you are jealous or whatever. Mum and I were in a similar situation. My brother was being continually criticised by his wife (now ex). We basically kept our mouths shut, and fumed after she left……Until she started making threats which she did several occasions.
Eventually Mum told him so it wouldn’t be such a shock if she did up and leave–but deep down she was trying to force hime to leave. He didn’t believe Mum, and of course he obviously said something to his wife and her denied it plus knowing her probably had a lot more to say. We got “cut off” for 3 years. We tried calling independently and as soon as she heard either of our voices she slammed the phone down. She didn’t even get the chance to say “how are you?” One year we decided not to send the kids Xmas cards as we didn’t know whether or not they were being given them. A few days after Xmas they came to see us. One of the kids said that they didn’t get cards. I replied that we didn’t know whether or not they were being given them. They had never been acknowledged at all.
We knew they weren’t allowed to call us at all because one day the phone rang and Mum answered it. In the background she heard “hang that bloody phone up and don’t do that again”. Highly likely as not long before it had been the girls’ and Mum’s birthdays – 3 days in a row – and the girls were told to put the bloody birthday presents in their bloody rooms. We had already sensed she was in a bad mood. We were invited there – we didn’t just rock up! Mum and I “bit our tongues” and said nothing. We gave them spare batteries with their presents and were told they could have scrounged them for free.Grrrrr.
We eventually found out via the grape vine that she did carry out her threat and leave. He was hoping for a reconciliation and didn’t come and tell us. Too embarrassed to admit that Mum had told the truth we found out later. We later cut contact with her apart from the girls’ birthdays as her whinging got too much to bear and we didn’t want to have to take sides.
We knew she would cut us off from the girls again as she did before. It caused the girls and us to “grow apart” the frist time….apart from breaking our hearts especially when they visited my Auntie and she rang me because the elder one was so upset about it.
There has been more problems since – mainly his ex making false alledgations against him to the Police. He has lost count. We can’t understand why she hasn’t been charged by the Police for making false reports—-wasting taxpayers’ money and police resources —-probably 3 or 4 days worth by now. We think they may have given her the hint. Nothing has been heard for awhile.
I wouldn’t contact your sister-in-law at all. If she rings you, make some excuse to finish the call if she starts to irritate you. If she calls in unexpectedly and “starts up”, if you can decide you are going out and ask her to leave. Go out even if only for a few minutes in case she sits around the corner and watches to see if you do go out.
We have relatives who at one stage turned up almost every Sunday for months and did get very diplomatic hints at all. Because of work and sports participation it was our quality family time which we were finding difficult to get. Our only option short of causing a fuss, was to go out as a family for a few hours, just a short distance away, sometimes to visit others on the off chance they were home if the weather was bad. Otherwise prior arrangements were made. We got home after 6.00pm a couple of times and they were still there waiting for us. The neighbour told us on one occasion they had been there for 3 hours waiting for us. They had asked and used their toilet, so they knew how long they had been there…….We also found out that they were doing the same thing to another relative either the days they didn’t come to us or on a Saturday and were always there for one meal. Dad had been sick for some time, had run out of sick leave and were living on money they had earlier managed to save. Mum did a big shop once a fortnight and a short outing at weekends apart from medical appts was all the car was being used for to keep fuel costs down. The “gatecrashers” bragged that they always took dessert and other treats as surprises when they went to visit friends. Mum wished they had brought us an occasional “surprise”
I would make sure that some of your other relatives and friends are not fuelling the situation at all. Try not to discuss it with other relatives unless they start the conversation and be careful what you say. Believe me, I know hard it is.
A relative of mine was never good enough for the in-laws but he was always they one that they demanded (not asked) for help from and expected it immediately. I took a message once and it was definitely a demand. like we have broken down – come and tow us back and when the person was told that the car was in the middle of being serviced (the oil and other fluids had just been drained) the reply was “I don’t care we want help now not later”.