I’ve been having relationships issues for a while now. I haven’t been sure whether it’s fixable or if I should move on. Just when I think its decided I’m going, I start to feel guilty about going. I’ll only be taking a suitcase so I fret about all the personal family items I leave behind. I stress about my 2 dogs and worry that they’ll be looked after. I worry about my partner, yes it’s true, and if he’ll look after himself. He tends to turn to alcohol when struggling. Another time, I’ll decide to stay and make things work. Then my partner says or does something, and I think why should I try when he isn’t???
I’m so confused, I dont know what to do, I dont want to make the wrong decision. Help!!!!

Want more real mum questions sent to you?

You'll need to check this email to complete your signup.
  • Try some counselling to see whether you can work out what you want, especially if you’re finding it difficult to make the decision.

  • Have you considered counseling ? The effort to make something of your relationship has to come from the both of you, it can come from you alone. You could set it as condition if the 2 of you want to continue. When he’s not open for that then it may be hard to keep going like this.

  • I think you have answered your own question. Try think with your head not just your heart

  • Hope things are starting to work out for you. If not and counselling hasn’t worked at least for you if not both of you, why not try a trial separation? I do know how traumatic this sort of situation can be, but if everyone is urging you to go, then there is something drastically wrong in your relationship. Many moons ago I was assisted to leave my ex by my two daughters, and then had the most wonderful relationship and almost 40 years of pure joy. My new partner has now passed, but what a wonderful time we have had and how wonderful my life has been – so I would hate you to miss out on what might be because of your present problems. My situation was very different to yours as my ex was very strong and controlling. Do think seriously about counselling though.

  • Any relationship whether friendship or a partnership is never easy to walk away from. There are always reasons why that push us to that point. I think sometimes we may have high expectations on other that when they don’t meet that expectation it can leave us feeling sad and frustrated. Any relationship should not be leaving your stressed, sad or frustrated. Sometimes you need to let things go. Is this something new happening or has it been like this most of the time? Only staying for the partner and animals welfare if not a reasonable reason to stay if that is all that is holding you in your position. A professional person may be someone you can seek out for your own personal nerds and to point you in the right direction. Only you know what will work for you and you cannot control the actions of others. I wish the best for you on whichever path it is that you take x

  • Still here, still stressing over things. Thinking I need to get out for me, but devastated to think what will happen to my partner and dogs if I go. It will break him, he’s not strong and I think leaving him will be the death of him. He won’t do counselling and I don’t know how much longer I can cope. Both my kids, even my dil, are pushing to leave. They’ve seen what it’s doing to me. I am heartbroken to say the least

  • Would counselling be an option? Its a horrible feeling being so torn between two choices. Makes you question yourself so much.

  • If you really love someone and care about them you will want to do everything you can to make it work. If he is not willing to change or step up, it might be time for some counselling

  • Do you want to solve it? Can it be fixed? Or if they dont want the help do you want to stay in this situation? If you know, id start moving things slowly and trying to figure out your situation and things

  • I’d love to know how you are going? Have things improved, or are they still the same? I’m hoping you are doing well.

  • You’ll know if and when you’ve had enough or if you can still work on the relationship. It’ll just happen naturally try not to over think it and go with what’s best for you. Life goes on and these decisions only you can make. Stories can be similar but everyone is different. Good luck.

  • As hard as this may be to hear, you have to do what is right for you, and you alone. You have to look after no. 1.

  • Have you tried relationship counselling? It’s a good way to get to the bottom of your problems and see if it’s worth fixing or not.

  • I strongly suggest going to counselling to help you work out what you really want. Please make sure you’re physically safe.

  • Sounds i bit like me at the moment.
    My husband of 32 years has manic depression (bipolar) and has never tried to get help for his mental problems. I am so over his mood swings and treats of suicide, he also turns to alcohol when things get too hard .
    Christmas eve just gone he got drunk and then decided to drive to the shop which is only 5 mins awhile because he said he was to drunk to walk .
    The inevitable happened and he got caught he is now facing a big DUI fine and loss of licence and it was double demerits .
    Two months ago he crashed my car into a bolard at our local service station he had hit the accelerator instead of break the car is now undrivable and was unregistered as it was only a $3000 car.
    His $1000 Ford is now mine.
    Anyway a long story short I am certainly over it.
    Like you I still care and worry about him .
    Hopefully things have got better for you .
    I am 54 . X

Post your reply
Add a photo
Your MoM account

Lost your password?

Enter your email and a password below to post your answer and join MoM:

↥ Back to top

Thanks For Your Star Rating!

Would you like to add a written rating or just a star rating?

Write A Rating Just A Star Rating