He is scared of something. Only he can tell you. It may be one of many things ie; he doesn’t want things to change between you or cementing the responsibility is frightening him. Let him know how you feel and that you would like to understand where he is coming from. Then allow him loads of time to think about it.

Can you pop the question instead?

He clearly seems to have some kind of a fear for marriage and the pressure from different sides doesn’t help. In the end of the day it’s between you and him and nobody else business.
Since it also seems important to you, I would try to have an open gentle conversation about it trying find out his reasons for his response, but I would make clear that you love him no matter what

Maybe he has seen others change when they got that little piece of signed paper. Maybe he has a relationship prior to yours and his that went sour and wants to be sure he is passed that date in time [say 15/20/25 years] to make sure this relationship will last. My partner and I didn’t marry until 20 years had passed and friends of ours just recently married after being together 25 years. There are many reasons why he may not want to be pressured into marriage, but what about you? Do your children bear his surname or yours? Would you automatically change your name to his surname or keep your own surname after marriage as many brides these days do? What benefits do you think will come to you after you marry that you already do not have? If you can sort out in your own mind why you want to get married and then decide that there is no further benefit apart from perhaps changing your name then you might feel it doesn’t matter. At present it seems to matter terribly to you. If you decide you will be no better off, you are happy to be together, and pushing for a marriage may drive you apart, then tell him that getting married is no longer something you want and see what happens then. But BE SURE before you take this last step that you can take whatever then may happen. It might cause a marriage and it might cause a complete breakup of your relationship. In other words, Be careful what you wish for.

He may think if you get married things will get bad and you will divorce. He may have seen friends or family members go through a nasty divorce and doesn’t want that to happen to you both. If he’s a bit nervous about the whole ceremony idea, would a simple registry marriage be more his style. He’s possibly worried that the wedding won’t be good enough to show how much he loves you. Hopefully he realises that he loves you too much to put this off any longer.

Will you leave him if he says no to getting married
If your answer is no you won’t
then it’s best to leave things be
You can’t force something as big as marriage on someone cos it will usually come back and bite you later

It sounds like there are underlying issues to me too. Would he consider perhaps a little counselling to speak about them?

It sounds like there’s some underlying issues there. I know it’s not traditional, but perhaps you could ask him? If you wanted to wait a year, perhaps you could plan a trip to Ireland to ask him on leap day next year. It’s a tradition.

It sounds like you allow him to disrespect you – just having kids first when you didn’t want to, never arguing (not disagreeing is super unhealthy). So now he feels like it doesn’t matter?

You take him shopping and show him rings you like. Just elope. Maybe he’s just not into the whole show of getting married infront of people.

He could have the perception that marriage will change the relationship and he is happy with the way things are. Doesn’t mean he loves you any less. Although if you have voiced how you feel about wanting to get married and he can’t give you an answer as to why or why not then perhaps he just doesn’t want to. If you have a great relationship otherwise then maybe try to relax around it that you 2 are living in a “marriage” just without the official paper and name change. If its important to you that you are married then I’d suggest another talk with him

Sometimes people worry that marriage will change a relationship. I was one of those people but finally realised it would be ok. I had to reflect on it without any pressure. It has been been wonderful, but I had to agree in my own time.

To put it simply he doesn’t want to. I think that’s okay, some people don’t want to get married, it doesn’t mean they love you any less. I see society forgoing marriage more and more now. Some think it’s not necessary.

When he says he dosent know, he does he just dosent want to say it. There is a good chance he dosent want to get married but he knows how you feel about it so he just acts indifferent.

I think you need to ask him when it’s just the two of you.
You have been patient enough and you’ve given him all of the things he’s asked for so I don’t see why he can’t give this to you.

I kind of was in a similar situation, brought a house together, had our daughter…was coming up to 13 years and it hadn’t happened yet even though we had spoken about it and he was saving for the ring.
I had the opportunity to take things into my own hands and did something totally crazy to switch it up…I proposed to him…on national TV ha!
Best thing about doing it this was is we got to go and design my ring and use my late Nana’s gold and diamonds in it. It was perfect.
Now that we are engaged the questions don’t stop.. “when’s the wedding?”
We want a super low key wedding too, but finishing some house Reno’s will come as a priority first!
So I guess I just came to ask if there’s an opportunity there, would you take this into your own hands?!

Gosh this one is a little tricky. Not being overly pro marriage myself I expected to have a different opinion on this until I read it… but there seems like there’s something going on he’s not discussing. I think it’s worth having a private, safe conversation with him to explore it. It’s going to be hard and may not produce the answers you want, but you deserve the truth. I think it’s time to push a little harder for a conversation and commitment or clarity.

He’s definitely getting pressure off of alot of people could be a case of won’t do it cause he’s feeling pressured. Might depend on what’s been discussed about rings and weddings at the start of the relationship if you’ve wanted a expensive ring, talked about alot of people attending a wedding. Or even gushed over other people’s expensive weddings he could associate wedding with too expensive so won’t bother. Even if you have changed your mind and said you don’t mind low key not expensive the damage might be done. As he already knows to make you happy the wedding you want he can’t justify spending money like that on a wedding

Ask him directly why or when are you sealing the deal. Instead of you having to think it all night, start the conversation. It seems he is being presured to marry you. Ask what bothers him, is it the cost of getting married or maybe he is simply contented of what you have. But not sharing his name.

Sounds like hes just comfortable as it is