How to raise an emotionally intelligent child

Emotional intelligence, being able to understand our own emotions and those of other people, is an important skill.

“We use our emotional intelligence to take care of ourselves, to build strong relationships, to manage workplace conflicts, and to make choices that support our own emotional wellbeing.”

You can foster your child’s emotional intelligence by:

Name the emotion. Talk about and name emotions in daily life. If your child is feeling sad, or angry, or happy then reflect that back to them, ‘Are you feeling sad?’ You can also talk about the emotions of characters in books or on television shows. For example, you could pause as you read your child’s favourite story and ask, ‘What do you think she’s feeling?’
Make your home into an accepting space for emotions. This doesn’t mean that you can’t set limits on how emotions are expressed. It just means that you accept the emotions themselves: all feelings and wishes are allowed. Just as it is difficult for a child to learn to ride a bike if practising riding a bike is not allowed, it is hard to learn more about emotions if emotions are always met with disapproval.
Let go of what you think your child should feel. Reflect back to your child what they are actually feeling. For example, if your child is angry at their brother then it is not the right time to remind them that they love their brother. Sure, they do, but right now they are feeling anger. When parents reflect back to children what they think they should be feeling rather than what they actually feel it can be very confusing. Consider how confusing it would be if you regularly insisted that buses were trains!
Set realistic goals for emotional expression. Help your child to find appropriate ways to express their emotions that are realistic for them. Remember, what they can do right now is probably not perfect but it may be an improvement.
Don’t forget about positive emotions. Emotional intelligence isn’t just about unpleasant emotions like sadness or anger. You need to do all of the above with positive emotions like excitement or joy as well.

By fostering your child’s emotional intelligence you will have given your child an important set of skills that will lead to success in the classroom, the workplace, in friendships and relationships.

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60 Comments

- - jabelle said
  - 06 Aug 2014
    3:05 pm
A good reminder!

- - rachkap said
  - 03 Aug 2014
    4:40 am
Thanks – keeping for future reference

- - twinmum2 said
  - 31 May 2014
    9:06 pm
We all want emotionally intelligent kids but don’t necessarily know how to get them! these are great tips I will be implementing.

- - Gracelow said
  - 29 May 2014
    1:40 pm
I really love this article, praying that my future bub would have positive emotions!

- - dr rosina mcalpine said
  - 28 May 2014
    9:23 am
Thanks for this great article. Lots of great points. I also learned from Dr Joe Dispenza that we can help our children be more flexible with moving between emotions by playing the ‘emotions game’. For example, getting children to practice feeling happy, or feeling free as a bird as well as asking kids to share how it feels in their body when they’re grumpy or even angry (which doesn’t feel nice) and then dance or tell a joke and get them back to joyful. This way they can explore what each emotion feels like in their body as a game and move from negative to positive emotions more easily. For more information and activities on this and other wonderful ways to support a child’s emotional intelligence as well as nurturing healthy self esteem see the book Inspired Children: how the leading minds of today raise their kids
- Threelos replied
  
  19 Aug 2014 , 1:38 pm
  Thanks for these ideas – very uesful!
- - coppin85 said
  - 23 May 2014
    2:37 pm
i like the book idea

- - mom57522 said
  - 13 May 2014
    5:17 pm
Emotions can be so overwhelming sometimes.

- - coppin85 said
  - 11 May 2014
    6:24 pm
this is some great advice

- - Happymum-2 said
  - 10 May 2014
    1:52 pm
I like to think we do the right thing with our kids and grandkids

- - someonemaybe said
  - 08 May 2014
    3:36 pm
Some good things to keep in mind as I raise my little girl. Will share this with my friends and family

- - arcticwynta said
  - 08 May 2014
    1:19 am
my kids have all been raised to be able to tell use how they feel and we than talk about it as to why they may be said or what has happened that has made them so happy and we have always answered our kids questions honestly

- - pastosy said
  - 07 May 2014
    8:35 pm
love this article must keep it for future reference

- - watagun said
  - 07 May 2014
    12:30 am
Thanks.. sure will give des a go.

- - mons said
  - 06 May 2014
    6:55 pm
Thanks I love all advice on emotional intelligence. It is so important yet you don’t really know what to do

- - colleen b. said
  - 06 May 2014
    6:28 pm
I have always taught my children it is Ok to be angry and to say things like “I am angry with you, Mummy”. As you said it is about how it is expressed.
- koa whittingham replied
  
  11 May 2014 , 8:50 am
  Well done!
- - lynmb said
  - 06 May 2014
    5:53 pm
Also helps to identify and ask what emotions the child thinks characters in books or on tv are feeling.

- - catgrrl3 said
  - 06 May 2014
    11:46 am
very helpful and informative article

- - rachkap said
  - 06 May 2014
    2:45 am
Great tips. I will keep this in mind!

- - yyon4699 said
  - 05 May 2014
    2:03 pm
So helpful and great to know this. I must start applying them!

- - yazzie said
  - 05 May 2014
    10:13 am
very interesting some things we do just take for granted that they would understand thankyou for sharing