As i read this article I thought it sounded like she was dealing with depression and then sure enough it was said she was. It might be a good thing to sit down quietly with her and ask her how she is feeling. Perhaps she is struggling with being a stay at home mum and feels she would be better going to work. Ask her how she really feels and go from there.

I think she needs to be under a mental health plan from the dr and see a mental health professional before she gets worse. Some people who have mental illness can’t cope with looking after the house plus a child. It is obversly needs help and the husband needs to realise something is not right with her and be a bit more nicer to her and help with the child.

It’s hard to keep everything tidy specially with kids. And also I’d expect some help

I was a stay at home mom for 8 years with 2 young girls and was happy to keep the house clean and have dinner on the table for my husband but I also found that some days I thought the house was a bit messy but my husband didn’t as he said that there is a difference between a messy house and a dirty house. I never even now go to bed unless the dishes are done. Sounds like you wife might need a simple routine.

Maybe she just doesn’t know where to start. A list night help her as a visual

Oh that is sad. Sometimes I get nothing done around the house. It depends on the child and if they’ll be happy enough when you out them down to try and do it.

I was a SAHM for 12 years. I did everything I could to keep a tidy home & spend quality time with my children. As my children got older & had three to contend with, my tidy home became more of a lived in home, but I soon realised that I was ok with that as long as it wasn’t a dirty mess. My once loved display home no longer felt right & it was an impossible task that I no longer felt necessary. I started to do some distance education in preparation for my return to the workforce & my husband was happy to step up & help out whenever he was needed. Now that we both work, we both share all the jobs around the house & the kids even help out with the cooking & washing now too.

My personal view is that the stay at home partner should be pitching in more on the homefront. That’s effectively their job. Circumstances are different for everyone, that was a general statement

every situation is different. In my situation, when I was a stay at home mum with four kids under four I would do all the ‘chores’ during the day and by the time my husband got home it would look like I’d done nothing. I tried my best. Now I’m the one working and my husband stays at home and I pitch in when I can. Partly because I think over time, the monotony of the housework creates lack of motivation. But I don’t mind.

Not all but a good amount

I think this requires a discussion between two adults. I can see his point, but also need to better understand his wife’s mental health. He needs to be honest with her.

I don’t think they should be expected to all the house work but as a part-time worker I definitely do more of the house work as I think it’s only fair as my husband works long days. He helps with cooking a couple of times a week and does loads of washing too so I’m pretty lucky, but I do wish he’d help more with things like vacuuming/mopping, cleaning bathrooms on weekends

As a stay home mum i know this situation. Sometimes i feel the same way. But i am glad my husband understand me.He is doing some household task without telling me to do.

• • 
  • • mom19782016 replied
    • 20 Apr 2020 , 4:36 pm

  ---

  I was in your boat too, I married a guy who really understood me!

I personally don’t think her husband is asking too much. Her mental health is of concern but I’ve noticed if I keep busy it makes me feel better and then I’m not laying around all day. I guess we each cope in our own ways but he met her seeing how she kept house and married her anyway. I think a nice cuppa and a sit down is needed. Express yourselves and try to come to a solution, even if it starts with baby steps.

Yes I do think she is being lazy. I empathise that she suffers from depression but I suffer from anxiety and mild depression and I am a full time working single mum and I manage to keep the house tidy. If she gets overwhelmed maybe she should consider counselling and maybe even having a daily planner might help her.

I don’t really understand depression that much but I do know if you start thinking of others you generally don’t have time to feel depressed. Doing the housework could give her purpose and help with her emotional state. I’ve been at home with 2 young children before and managed to get all the work done and play with the children. There’s no excuse.

I don’t think it’s right to expect her to do all of the housework but I do think she should be doing the basics. There is no reason why she can’t put the dishes in to soak for a few minutes to make them easier to clean, then lay a tea-towel over them so they drip dry. As for the vacuuming that could be done on the weekend and they could do it together. What you need to remember is that you are away from the house all day and can be doing something productive while all she has is 4 walls and a baby who can’t talk to her or help. You need to work things out with her, talk it over and come up with a solution that works for the both of you.

It’s not easy juggling house work , keeping kids happy and going about the day … some partners need to either help with the load or not be judgemental!! Or better yet swap days with them where they stay home with the kids and then see how they cope!!

He first needs to check her mental health. Then they need to sit down and discuss their expectations. Unless he’s been a stay at home parent he has no idea what it’s like during the day when the other parent is at work

Think if she was messy before they married, he had a good insight into how she would be later. Once a messy person always a messy person I have found.