It sounds like she has really twisted values. She wasn’t honest and then gets annoyed when her friend doesn’t understand. Sounds quite toxic.

Well you did what she said and then she wasn’t happy. She was confusing (and hormonal I guess)

Sounds like a storm in a teacup to me. Personally, I would give her something either for herself or the baby over the next few weeks, but probably also slowly remove myself from being a BF as this thing will continue to happen, I feel, and you will always be in the wrong no matter what you do!

Petty miss understanding the mum to be doesn’t need to be rude about it.

I think the response of the expectant mum was was immature. Asking for a gift and being upset not to get one is what little children do

You gave her something before the baby shower and she did say just to bring her support which you did. If you feel bad about it, just let her know that you misunderstood what she meant and give her something for herself. I never took baby gifts to baby showers because I knew they’d get plenty so I would always buy something for the Mother to be to pamper herself. I hope you and your friend can mend this issue.

I personally would have given small gifts prior to the baby shower. But if someone says no gifts, then they shouldn’t expect anything.

I think your friend needs to be a bit more straight forward with what she really wants

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 22 Apr 2023 , 6:16 am

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  Yes her messages were rather confusing

I still would have turned up with a gift.

Look, it was a misunderstanding but to be quite honest, if someone usually says “no need for a gift”… Usually means to bring a gift. A small gesture for the baby to be born. Even yet, could of told the friend that you will get something when the baby is born.

I always wonder whether stories like this are for real. You would hope that if someone says no need for gifts and then are disappointed when friends take your word for it is surely on them.

I too would have interpreted that text as you did. I’ve said it to people in the past eg. “Just your presence, no presents”. And I mean what I say. For your friend to expect you to somehow read between the lines is a bit unfair. If she expected a gift she could have just said “no registry. Happy with anything. Something small is fine”.

From this side of the story, it is completely the mother’s fault for lying. But l would try to give her some leeway.

As someone who is very literal I would have taken the comment about not needing a gift in exactly that way – that the expectant Mum would appreciate my presence but didn’t require a present. Honestly, if she wanted a present, even a small one, she should have said so.

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  • • mom93821 replied
    • 22 Apr 2023 , 4:22 am

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  I agree, I would respond and act according to the invitation.

I can see how in the wording a misunderstanding could be made. I think the mum to be meant that she’d be happy with whatever was chosen to be given, but could have been clearer. I honestly would have given a gift anyway if it was my bestie.

You can’t say to someone it’s not about the gift and then expect one. That is misleading and not fair on the person who asked the question.

It sounds like a genuine misunderstanding. Are you also expected to take the baby a gift when it’s born too?
Sometimes I feel people expect to much and place to much emphasis on physical/monetary items rather then being help on the ground.

Understand why the friend got confused! Poor love! But I would have bought something anyway because I know this is a situation that happens regularly! Someone says they don’t want anything but then the time comes they do expect a present.

No gift registry and saying it’s not really about the gift doesn’t actually say she didn’t want a gift just nothing specific… but I can definitely see how the friend was confused…

The expectant mum certainly sent confusing and contradicting messages and to be honest she didn’t respond very mature. I would respond lightly and say that you’ll get her something nice when baby is born and ask if she has any specific wishes.