Can you pay the dowry for your husband after the marriage, or does it always have to happen before the marital paperwork is finalised?

I wasn’t in a financial position to pay the required dowry when my hubby and I got hitched. Heavens, I didn’t even have enough to buy a bouquet of flowers for our wedding day and when my hubby found out that I didn’t have one, the first thing he did was rush to the closest florist to have one made up on the day – such a sweetheart of a man!

It’s moments like those which make me wish I had been able to pay his parents for him. Realistically he’s worth far more than their asking price anyway. Perhaps not as priceless as my own children – but I’d say he’s right up there in value hehehe!

On a serious note though, how does one come up with a dollar figure for their child? I know that a dowry isn’t uncommon. But who’s in charge of deciphering what someone’s life is truly worth?

How Do You Calculate A Child’s Worth?

Does it go by appearance? Education? What status a family holds in the community? Or is it just an amount that parents make up along the way depending on what their hearts believe is an appropriate revenue in exchange for the life of their child?

If you have more children does the appraisal per life drop? Is an only child more valuable than one with siblings? Or is the figure equal across all children? Because realistically parents could live quite comfortably in their old age by selling their children off to be married – why does that hurt my heart to type, yet for many cultures it’s the norm…

It Could Br Quite Lucrative

I couldn’t do it. Personally I could not put a financial value against any of my children’s lives. As lucrative as it would be gathering property or money from my son’s wives.

That’s the other thing that bothers me. Why is it that a dowry can only be collected for the marriage of my son’s? Why isn’t my daughter’s worth anything according to this culture? I find that just as disturbing as the idea of a dowry itself!

I vividly recall my father-in-law telling me that young men today aren’t so stupid as to not take the dowry owed to them. It made me feel really sick and even guilty for not having paid for my hubby and now it has made me question this payment in an entirely different way.

What EXACTLY Does A Dowry Entitle The Wife To?

What precisely does paying a dowry entitle the wife to? If I had purchased my husband, would that have meant that I then own him? Would it mean that my in-laws would not harass me and perhaps they might even treat me with the same respect that they do their other daughter-in-law?

Heck, my in-laws do absolutely everything for that family, with zero undermining. And unlike my hubby who is on call for their every need 24/7- his brother is not. My in-laws expend all their energy and love on their other son’s family, and my hubby expands all his energy on his parents. One simple payment bought them love, respect and all the child minding services their heart’s desire – who says money can’t buy happiness!

Pay-Off!

Did paying for her husband entitle my sister-in-law to a life where her marriage is just between herself and her hubby – whereas mine is somehow a four way deal where my in-laws believe they are part of our marriage?

Can I Pay It Now?

If this is the case, can I just pay the bounty now – or is it too late? Because I am willing to sell everything I own to pay for this man, with interest, if it means I can move forward as a married couple opposed to a married quartet.

Couldn’t someone have specified what this payment would have entitled me to prior to marriage so that I could have taken out a personal loan and spent the last decade of our lives in complete marital bliss!

As with any sale, there should be paperwork with fine print which goes through all the rules and regulations. Similar to the pedigree papers that we got when we bought our puppy.

Nonsense!

It’s a load of nonsense in my opinion if you aren’t going to disclose the finer details of this sale and remain clung on tightly to your son long after he’s started a family.

I wonder if my hubby’s dowry has dropped in value any over the years… especially since he isn’t even a virgin anymore…

Hey, How About A Discount?

With this in mind, should I have had to pay anything to his parents to begin with considering he was no longer a virgin when we were married? He handed that over to me well prior to that… realistically, with all things considered, shouldn’t I be entitled to some kind of discount at the very least?

Surely his lack of virginity must render the dowry null and void. In fact, I’d go as far as to say that I did my in-laws a favour by accepting their ‘used goods’ per se… even if I were the one who used his goods to begin with… hopefully it doesn’t make his worth increase- like some sort of ‘sampling payment’ plus the dowry on top!

Either way, I would be willing to buy this man at whatever the cost if it means I will be given some peace from my in-laws, that alone would be priceless.

Would you consider paying a dowry for your husband? Tell us in the comments below.