No one is in the wrong here. They just haven’t heard each other. It will be important for her to feel fulfilled in that aspect of her life. It’s not just about the money.

It seems to me neither of you are looking at the other person’s point of view. If I could have stayed at home with my little ones for longer, I would have done so. Unfortunately, we just couldn’t afford for me to stay at home. However, I will never get back missing my child’s first steps and many other firsts, that I missed out on, and can never get them back. I did manage all these things with my last child, though, and felt I was a rookie mum because of missing out previously. Once your child is at school you can return to work or may be a bit earlier if things don’t quite work out mentally stimulating enough for you and you can still have your career then. Think things through carefully as what you lose will be a loss to you forever.

Stay at home mums are great people and not wasted you have a husband earning 88k these days that’s not high and you be sure when the kids are growing up you tell them preferred to go to work rather than look after them

I think there are a few SAHM’s being offended by this post. I could never be a stay at home mum, I love my kids but it isn’t the job for me. I enjoy working and having the mental break away from them, they love kindy and learning new things with friends. I don’t think anyone should expect a mum to fall in to that role or the other. Also it’s not always returning to work for money, sometimes it is social, mental stimulation, aldult contact or feeling like you are contributing to something else. I think the husband should step back and see it from herside.

If she wants to work then she should take maternity leave and then go back to work when she’s ready. Not all women want to stay at home all day. The only one being an a**hole is him. I hope they can get everything settled before their child is born

I think the child should have their mum with them at least til they are 2. Of course if the family can afford to have mum not work that is. I think its so beneficial for the child to have mums love and care when they are so small.

She should work if she wants to work and it is not more of a financial burden to have the child in daycare.

How about you see how your birth and early weeks are before making big plans. A baby isn’t always an easy transition. And you have big child care fees to consider too. Just remember that no one can get back their baby’s early years…or replace you.

I loved it for the time I got to but it is definitely not for everyone. She’ll just have to talk to him calmly and gradually get the point across. She is going back to work.

I was a stay at home mum and loved it. This couple need to find a compromise.

Ooh, ouch! Being a stay at home Mum does not mean you’re rotting your life away. It’s sad to think that. Raising a child is the most important job in the world. But, I do understand how you feel. However, I think you need to take time after you’ve had the baby. Your life changes dramatically and it’s different for everyone. I remember thinking I’d go back to work after 3 months because I would be bored. But… it didn’t turn out that way because, um, life with a baby! You need a calm conversation about this, perhaps a little while after the baby is born. Hubby needs to listen to you and not dismiss what you want. You need to take the time post-birth to see how you feel. It’s definitely a valued job you do and one you can go back to.

Had your husband demanded you returned to work – that could have been offensive too. I would love for a husband that can support me and give me the choice whether to stay home or not and not worry financially. End of the day, it isnt forever, your child will be in school full time in a few years anyway which frees up time for work. I’d be so grateful to be in that position

I love being a stay at home mum. Best ‚job’ in the world.

I feel like you both need to have a calm conversation about this and listen to each other.

I think you both need to sit down and calmly discuss this. He isn’t being fair by saying your job isn’t worth it. I have been there with my ex husband saying that my job wasn’t worth it, he earned more than me etc. It felt very degrading.
If you feel that you need to work even if it’s a few days a week then do it, for your own well being.
Being a stay at home mum full time can be isolating, but at the same time, it can be rewarding to see your child grow, treasure any time you get with your children when they are little, they grow up so quickly.

While I’ve absolutely loved being a stay at home mum and certainly don’t feel ive been rotting, I realise it’s not for everyone. You’re definitely not an a$#hole and your feelings are completely valid. You may feel differently once the baby is born but if not then of course you should be able to go back to work if thats what you choose to do.

I think you both have valid points and need to reach a compromise you can both live with. Firstly, childcare is expensive and realistically not worth the cost when you could look after your own child and not be any worse off financially. I think you should stay at home until your child goes to school if you can afford it. If we could have, I would have loved to. There’s so much more your kids can do if you don’t have to work. Use the time to study at home or do a night course, etc (after your baby is a little older), then maybe you could go back to work as a teacher. Another option may be opening your own family daycare as you obviously enjoy working with children.

This is selfish of the mother. “l want” money, “l love my job”, “l want”, “l need.” The argument isn’t really about jobs and was harsh on both sides.
It isn’t about either of you. It is about the child that is being brought into the world by your actions. They NEED a mother who loves them. They NEED a mother who puts them first. They NEED a mother who is not selfish. Put your child first.

A job has many layers and money is of course one layer along with several others. There always needs to be respectful discussion and agreement between partners about life plans. Individual, couple and parent needs all need to be met for fulfilment. Pulling apart jobs is pointless and does not progress the discussion or issue in a positive manner. A calm and considerate conversation along with respectful communication is needed. People need to listen and hear each other.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 20 Feb 2024 , 8:41 am

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  Yes I agree with you

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    • • mom93821 replied
      • 21 Feb 2024 , 4:53 am

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    It is so important to sit down and discuss all of the little and big life plans and to respect each other as individuals and partners.

I think it’s good to tell him how you feel, and how you see your role as a future mother. You both have to compromise for a happy household. I don’t think you’ll truly know what you want to do till you have the baby. You have options to either work alot, work a bit or not work. Sounds like you both aren’t being very respectful or kind to each others employment roles, or that of a stay at home mum either. All roles have downsides as does childcare. I don’t think he’s being a ahole preferring the mother of his child looks after his
child, but critising your career choice and pay he is being a ahole. See how you feel when baby comes.