As he hasnt mentioned it perhaps he has changed his mind also.
Its a hard one because you agreed and with a change of heart you really should have spoken to him about this before you even started trying for a baby. As you agreed and didnt speak to him about this I feel if he still wants to use his mothers name as a middle name then you will simply have to go along with it.
Never agree to something unless you are 100% sure. Its best just to say “we can discuss this later and see how we feel”
My husband was a nightmare when it came to naming our first daughter. As our last name is Scottish he decided that he wanted a Scottish first name. Hes not Scottish and neither am I but he would get these ideas in his head and could not be budged. Morag was a name that was top of the list. I said No darn way. Sorry to all the Morags out there but I thought it was a horrid name. Thankfully none of our 3 girls ended up with Scottish names.

The first thing you need to do is sit down with your husband and find out if he still wants to use his Mum’s name. He may have changed his mind or even forgotten mentioning it. You may be overthinking this and he may have changed his mind. And as suggested before you could always shorten it. I was actually named after a knitting pattern for my first name and I’ve learnt to be okay about it.

I love what mom70419 said Maybe this is his way of forgiving and letting go of the past. Can you change it a bit. Anne=Annie, Margaret =Peggy, Catherine=Cathy/Caitlyn.
I will add Elizabeth, Beth, Liz, Lizzy, Betsy, Betty. Just remember to ask your husband first if giving the second name to the baby is what is still on his mind or how about naming the baby after your Mum still living and the child will have more of a connection to that name. You could still use the above principle giving the baby a shorten version of grand-mothers name.
I hope this helps.

Well first I would be talking to your husband to see if he too still wants to have the middle name of his daughter to be his mother’s name. He may have changed his mind after starting therapy and you could be worrying over absolutely nothing. If he does want to use the name then think about it in a different way. You say he still loves his mother deeply, then think of that deep love also being passed to your daughter. You cannot change the past, but you can try to make it better and honour the promise you made to him so long ago.

If your husband is willing to forgive his mother for her shortcomings, I don’t see a problem with giving your child her name as a middle name. I personally would not have a problem with it.

I don’t understand why he would want to honour her. She will always be his mother, but doesn’t mean she was a good one and doesn’t mean her name should live on. I can understand the mum here. I think they need to sit down and discuss options and come up with something they both like.

I empathize with your dilemma. You sound like a caring and thoughtful person. If you made a promise, I think that this is your husband’s decision and best for you to honor. If you want one last go at convincing him otherwise, I suggest you do so with a written list of why it is so important to you that your daughter does not have his deceased mother’s name as her middle name. Also suggest you have the alternative names you want. We all deal with grief and abuse in different ways. Good luck.

It’s just a name, the baby will grow into it and be their own person. There is no need to tell the girl as she grows up all the bad things about her grandmother. Let your husband focus on the positives and remember the good times he had with his mother

mum489452 The story actually stated that the mother-in-law had passed away many years ago .

Maybe this is his way of forgiving and letting go of the past. Can you change it a bit. Anne=Annie, Margaret =Peggy, Catherine=Cathy/Caitlyn.

As parents it should be equally accepted from both sides. Yes family members are important figures in our lives and passing names on has been happening for years but it has to be a decision both parents need to be happy with.

Eventhough we didn’t name our children after anyone in our families, I do understand your motives and understand the motives of your husband too. Your husband sounds conflicted. It’s is normal to love a parent figure, eventhough they may have hurt us badly and do bear in mind that we wouldn’t walk this earth without our parents.
I think this would be a good topic for the both of you to discuss together with his therapist.

You could choose a variant or nick name of the name. I feel like you should explain to your husband, maybe at a therapy appointment, why you feel the way you do about the name and offer some solution.
You could always do a Bella and take his mum’s name and yours and combine them into one.

You could always pick a middle name thats sentimental to you. Ie a grandmother or great grandmother etc and tell your husband that you’d really love to use it. If he says he wants to use his mothers name then you might both have to agree to a completely different name to be fair 😉

Change the spelling of the name so you have a unique version for your daughter. Middle names are rarely used. Dad will be happy, hopefully, and it shouldn’t be a constant reminder if you have a different first name. Win-win situation for all then move on. You don’t even have to talk about her.

Its your child and you have and will pay the price in pain to have the naming rights just tell the mother in law to move to Mexico

I think you have to pick your time carefully, and explain to your husband how you feel. You never know, he might agree too!

People, relationships, ideas and thoughts do change over time and this can include names. We most certainly changed our ideas and thoughts about names and the meaning and the significance of names. We landed on names that had meaning for us and moved away from the expected and tradition. A name had to be authentic and what we wanted for our children.

Names are always a fun topic when falling in love and becoming pregnant. You will need to have a discussion about names and you know what, you actually don’t have to give your child a second name. A lovely first name a surname is plenty and then you won’t have the issue of giving your child the mother in laws name in between.

Relationships can be very complex and hard to fathom. Looking at only the bad memories can taint this. He may have many good memories too and he obviously loved her. Until you can walk in someone ‘s shoes it’s hard to understand. Maybe when the subject comes up again sit and talk about how you worry that your daughter will later learn about her and not like being named after her.