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June 3, 2024

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A heartbroken mum, who thought she had an open and honest relationship with her teenage son, has discovered he had sex with his 13-year-old girlfriend, and doesn’t know what to do.

The mum reached out online to other parents, revealing that her 13-year-old son’s actions have left her feeling as though she’s failed as a parent.

“I don’t know how to deal with this,” she explained. “They stupidly didn’t use protection and I feel sick at what the potential out come could be.

“I have always been open and honest with him about things like this as he is physically more advanced and is further into puberty than most of his classmates (he is autistic so I’ve been told earlier puberty can be common).

“So we’ve had all the talks about protection/consent etc but that ultimately it’s illegal at their age so should absolutely not do it until older. What if her parents want to pursue charges – is that likely? I can’t believe this is happening, he may be physically more mature but he is still so very immature emotionally. What do I do?!”

The mum explained that the girl’s parents were the ones who found out.

“They have told me today but as yet we’ve not had a proper discussion as I just need some time go get my head around it all. Apparently it was a couple of days ago but only found out today, trying to work out when/how as they’re not left alone!

“I was calm when I asked him about it – as much as I’m devastated, I don’t want them to feel ‘shamed’ about sex but I have expressed I’m really disappointed after all of our conversations and so, so angry at the lack of protection I knew it would happen one day, but 13?! I feel like I’ve failed as a parent.”

The mum says she felt she’d done everything possible to be as open and honest with her son about sex.

“I think what has upset me the most is the lack of contraception, as it is something I’ve always discussed with him since I found out he he had started to get sexually curious and found he was watching porn. Told him I understood his curiosity and that it was normal, and had the conversation about porn not being a true reflection etc. As I say, I am very open and honest.”

She says she’s not really sure what she’s trying to achieve by sharing her story, other than seeking support.

“To be honest, I don’t really know – for help/advice/to show I’m not the completely shit parent I feel I am right now. My head is all over the place.”

“We’ve had the conversations so many times and I really, genuinely believed he had taken it on board. I feel naive and foolish and totally embarrassed that this has happened.”

What advice do you have for this mum? Add your thoughts in the comments below. 

  • This doesn’t make you a bad parent at all. All we can do is teach and guide our children as best we can but ultimately it is up to them on how they process it all. You can only be there for him and continue as best you can to guide him in the right direction.

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  • This is an eye opener. Perhaps because i went to an all-girls school but I just didn’t realise 13 year olds would have unprotected sex. So important to talk about safe sex at an early age, but now I’m wondering how early.

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  • Yep, you need an urgent conversation about contraception and consequences. But this is not your fault.

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  • Definitely not a crap parent. I can’t see her parents trying to press charges when they are BOTH underage as you could technically do the same ..I just hope for everyone’s sake she isn’t pregnant and that they learn from it.

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  • I dont think this says you are a bad parent at all. The fact that you posted this shows how much you care.

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  • You did everything right by being honest and open with him to ensure he was aware and across the information around intercourse. In the end you can’t stop him, he is his own person even if he is only 13. Try and keep the conversations open and remind him of being careful and using protection and making smart choices. I feel for you mumma, this would be a very challenging situation to be in.

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  • Good that you had open and honest conversations about this, not much more you can do.
    Unprotected sex happens to adults at times too when desires become uncontrollable, not strange that this happens to our teens too. I don’t understand that you feel naive and foolish and totally embarrassed that this has happened.


    • I would make sure not to respond in a negative way, keep the communication open and support your child

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  • start knitting booties an learn some nice patterns

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  • It sounds like youve been doing everything you can and more to be open and honest – teens will still always have their secrets. Continue to be supportive and have open conversation

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  • Well, teenagers can be pretty dumb at the best of times, and if he’s autistic he may have difficulty understanding appropriate social behaviour. So the mum shouldn’t take too much on herself. But absolutely, there’s an urgent need to follow up around contraception.

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  • Oh boy. That’s pretty young, but it’s the zero protection that’s most jarring. I’d be looking for a youth group that can break down what safe sex is, what the reality is if they get pregnant, and what STI’s are. Sometimes it’s better coming from anyone but the parents. These kids have shown they’re gonna do it, so now it’s all about education.

    Reply

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