This sounds all very nice but clearly it didn’t work and then you need to look together how to deal with the situation. Reasons I think it didn’t work is that husband comes to her crying saying that it is all too much and he couldn’t do it by himself and son is acting out (most likely not due the stress of the new baby but due to lack of attention of his parents). I miss empathy and compassion by the wife.

Oh, wow, that poor guy. I agree with a lot of other mums in the comments. “Never heard of it”, “would never have wanted to”, or “would never have been able to do that myself”. Our bodies were made for childbirth, and I’ve never had troubles getting out of bed straight after having a baby – not even after 2.5 days of labour, no pain relief, and significant tearing. I also would never have imagined making my husband be the one to get up to the baby and look after them, and I had 4 children within 6 years and 3 had special needs! Yes, it can be hard at times and, yes, I sometimes thought I’d die from a lack of sleep, but I didn’t. Babies don’t stay babies for very long. They definitely don’t stay ‘new borns’ for very long. I would never have wanted to miss out on any of that for any reason. Besides all that, though, I worry about the husband and children in this case. The mum has the view that, because dad wanted the children more than she did, he has to ‘pay’ for having kids (?). How will that be explained to the kids later on? “Oh, dad had a bit of a breakdown when you were little because he couldn’t handle looking after you both while I ‘recovered’ from childbirth. But I made him stick at it anyway because he wanted you a lot more than I did.” Where is her compassion for the husband? The mum seems unconcerned that he’s struggling so much to the point of crying. I bet she would expect something different from him if she ever went crying to him! And what about their little boy? He’s having troubles as well and the mum’s solution is to pack him off and make him someone else’s responsibility! I don’t recall any of my children being kept awake by their younger sibling. Maybe that’s because, I don’t know, I looked after them when they were babies and gave them what they needed from their mother and not just looked after myself!

I have never heard of this and its not something that I would have ever wanted to do. My husband was never as helpful as this Dad either so there is no way it would have ever worked for me anyway.
My husband worked and I breast fed and was a stay at home mum.

It may sound all beautiful, But you need to look how realistic this actually is and really not to plan in forehand how much help you can actually organize. The husband agreed and was willing to give it a go, however comes crying to her that it is all too much. I think her response to him lacks total empathy for his position.

I’ve never heard of this. What a dream it would have been to have even considered this after the births of my second and third babies.
Honestly though, I’d be bored stupid in bed for that amount of time.

I dont think it’s unreasonable, but as others have said, it’s probably unrealistic with it being not a first born.

gosh I wish I had heard of this sooner, may have reduced my chances of prolapse

If you’re following the 5-5-5 rule (which I’ve never heard of) then why are you expecting your husband to look after your newborn as well? Isn’t that what this rule says, that the baby is with you at all times? Maybe you should look into getting a nanny

not heard of this one. Would have thought a team effort might be effective and also a way to spend time together.

Sounds ideal but perhaps not realistic, especially with another child in the mix. Maybe if they had additional help from inlaws?

I’d not heard of this before – as a mother of a newborn I would’ve loved the chance to lounge around and ease into things, and perhaps it would’ve been possible with the first child. But when it comes to the 2nd or more, then you still have another child that needs looking after.

I can’t help but wonder if the son is playing up because he’s feeling left out – mum isn’t wanting to do anything with him and is only focussing on the baby.

I think mum might need a compromise – maybe taking 3 days of each of the first 3 weeks to do as she had planned, and keeping 3 days for her son, and 1 day each week for herself.

Dad sounds like he could make more effort, but I also think this kind of thing really only works well with first baby.

I’ve never heard of the 5 5 5. It sounds nice but I don’t think it’s something I could do

I have never had that pleasure….and my husband does a lot around the house! He would make sure i wasn’t the one lifting the older children, he would do the cooking, ECT, i was free to go, walk and sit and take care of bub, but we still did our daily routine together with the older ones, bathing, teeth, bed, helping with eating. We just worked the newborn into it and the rule for nothing heavier…..bed rest and i would be sure to get bed sores!

I’d be so bored staying in bed for five days after giving birth. I suppose if that is what she wants, then great. However, it does seem a little unfair that the husband is doing everything though.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 01 Apr 2024 , 2:15 pm

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  Sounds all beautiful if that is what you want together (that is both husband and wife) but has to be realistic too. You’re a team together ☺️

Women should be able to do whatever makes them feel most comfortable postpartum with the support of their partner.

Personally I would feel almost guilty in a way staying in bed and not hanging around my other children after having a new baby.

5 days in completely bed? That seems a bit much to me. Sure rest up but be free and listen to your body don’t follow any ‘cult’ like way of doing anything. See what works for you. You can still rest without being in bed the whole day. It doesn’t sound healthy to me being in bed 5 days straight. You will lose strength in your muscles not using them, you also need vitamin d from the sun. Also the dad is saying he is struggling looking after both kids but you said you wanted skin to skin the whole time with the baby so.. somethings not adding up to me. Do what’s right for your family, that’s more important than following any parenting trend.

To each their own. However I think being up and about would be better. It’s a joint effort looking after kids. Not just one parent.

Never heard of that rule, but at a mother of 3 I know you need rest but the other children need your attention as well. Moving the body after a baby is good for you. Walking is fantastic. I get you need rest but the 5 5 5 seems a little excessive. 5 days in bed should be enough then light activities. Good luck I hope you work things out

Asking social media whether you are in the right is the core of the problem? Marriage is always a constant negotiation of the circumstances husband and wife face. Asking strangers, who will clearly take the side of mum (it is mouthsofmums after all) will get you the answer you want to hear but won’t be healthy at all for your marriage or your ongoing mental health.