Life goes in stages, we can look back and feel a sense of loss about what is gone.
We may want to go back to our childhood, but it’s over and we can’t go back.
I remember when I married and immigrated at the same time I struggled for a while with the loss of my singlehood, the loss of my country of birth, the loss of my friends, the loss of my job and then had some misscarriages so dealt with the loss of babies as well.
Whilst it’s important not to deny your feeling, it’s good to give them a place and learn to cope with life how it is at this stage with the strengths you have

Just because you have had a baby doesn’t mean you have to give up your life. You just have to rearrange your life. You just need to get the attitude that your life isn’t finished it’s starting a new chapter. Go and talk to a doctor about your feelings as this might help you.

Aw, I feel terribly for this mum. It’s a pretty common feeling to have that will hopefully fade. Life is different to what it was before, but its also filled with different joy and happiness. It can be hard to see these joys sometimes, but you need to focus on them. Celebrate the wins harder than dwelling on the woes.

I wonder about your age and influences that resulted in you having a baby… I’ve got a 5 month old, but I’m 43… wanted this baby for over a decade and had the most exciting, amazing life prior… so no regrets. I don’t feel I’m missing out. I did it all. Now I’m here for my son and love every second. Yes more sleep would be amazing but gosh… he’s such a privilege

Oh how awful to be feeling this. Buuuut, you’re still showing up and caring for your baby every day, you still love your baby, look to the positives right there

I think we all mourn for the life that we have lost, but we get over it and soon there are more things to mourn, going to school and not being home, then off to high school, then them moving out, getting married having children of their own. But the worse is the loss of a child, husband even more so than your parents. It is what is called LIFE.

It’s Pk to mourn that part of life. I love all my kids, but goddamn it I was happy before a particular child was born! It’s horrible to say and even more do to feel. This child has autism and ADHD so one can argue that my child isn’t to blame for behavioural issues (still a kid who will push boundaries and choose behaviour on some occasions). Every single thing, in every single day is a huge fight! I miss being able to spend time alone with my husband, being able to actually have a conversation, being able to afford to see a movie or something. I don’t regret any of my kids, but I do kiss my old life sometimes. I sure as hell miss not bring an after thought in my own life. Being able to work, see friends etc. I don’t know that the feeling passes. I’ve been a mum for 10 years and it’s been 8 since my extremely difficult child was born. But just know that you will be able to do these things again, and not when your child is a teen, or moves out of home. But pretty much when you want, if you have a good support network.

I’ve definitely experienced this at different points since having kids. My hubby works very long hours so I do the majority of the parenting by myself. At times I really feel like I’ve lost a sense of who I am as a person, I’m just mum, wife, cleaner, taxi driver, teacher, nurse etc.
You’re not alone.

I think every parent misses their “old life” at some point. Both my partner and I talk often about how easy things were before children, but we also understand that in a blink if an eye your old life will return, your kids will move out, and you will long for those long crazy days.

This is a pretty common feeling, but I think if it lasts more than a few weeks, you should definitely talk to a professional.

They are little for such a short time I know because it feels like yesterday I had a newborn who is suddenly about to turn 20 … before you know it they’re adults leaving the nest for the big world. Enjoy what you have every phase of the journey.

Your life doesn’t stop. It’s just different! You can enjoy outings and holidays and life *with* her baby. Please don’t ever make your child feel like they are a mistake. They are not.

I think it’s something we all feel at some time. There may be some post-natal depression. Don’t be ashamed to talk about it with your GP, maternal health nurse or similar. Talking really helps and to know others feel the same and you will get over it.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 12 Jul 2024 , 4:01 am

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  Yes I agree, reaching out for help may be good.
  Also look what is possible within the circumstances.
  You could for examlle get a baby sitter a couple of times a week, to do those things you would love to do without your baby.

Ofcourse you miss the time you had before a baby to sleep, to do the things you wanted but I do not regret it at all for my precious little bubba

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 26 Jul 2023 , 7:56 am

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  True, we all have fond memories of certain past experiences but can’t go back in time

It’s completely normal to feel this way. Yes the life you had is now lost. No one told me about everything I would loose once I’ve had a child. I love my children but still grieve what I’ve had and that’s OK. Just be kind to yourself.

This is me still at 18 months, love my son to bits, but I spend so much time being overwhelmed and underpressure from many angles. I really try and carve out some time for me each week, its super tough but i keep having the conversations with hubby and getting him to step up and do more of the day to day parenting. You have to find a new groove that you can survive with for now, seek support as well.

You describe me exactly! “I was always happy just being by myself, working from home, watching Netflix in the evenings, enjoying nature, having dinner out now and again. Maybe a holiday once in a while.” … Things certainly changed with twins. It was often hard. “Me”time came back when school started, in fact earlier with pre-school etc. Then time flew. Somehow 10 years then 15, then 20 and now I’m back to ‘me’ again, virtually all the time! It seems like forever when they are little but it isn’t. Know you’re not alone in this big change and get help if you think you might need it… I also recently stumbled on some diaries I wrote BEFORE the kids and well, things weren’t as rosy as I remembered! I thought I was happy but looking back a lot has changed for the better as life took on a new dimension with family.

Not every woman wants to be a Mum. I know that you don’t hate your child it’s just that everything changes once you have a new little person to be responsible for. See if you can organise a “me day” to do something you really want to do. It will give you something to look forward to once a week or fortnight. Could your parents possibly babysit once in a while so you could have a night out perhaps?

Speak to someone about how you can get some help and have a me day to do something from your old life still and have a chance to still feel a bit like yourself.

It took me until I had my 2nd baby to really feel like a mum. I’ve tried to merge my old life with new life. As they get older they’ll show personality and although youll have other challenges along the way, you will also enjoy them more. It takes time to step into those shoes for some. It’s a huge adjustment. Sending my daughter to daycare gives me time with my newborn but also time to myself as they sleep a lot at this stage. Maybe consider sending your child for one or two days to catch your breath.