uumm…..the truth is that your husband doesnt have a choice. Its you who is having the baby and you have every right to have who you wish to be there and also you get to say who you dont want there…..not him

If that will help her then why not. Personally I choosed only my husband to be with me.

I’m not sure why everyone is being so harsh on the partner here. They both seem to have legitimate points. I hadn’t planned on having my mum around for my first but the birth ending up getting very complicated and she stuck around as my labour went over several days, and both my partner and I were exhausted. She was there to support both my husband and I during that time and the moment our daughter was born and everything seemed okay, my mom slipped out of the room and didn’t come back in for at least 1/2 hour after my husband and I had alone time with the baby. It was the perfect solution. Given this is a home birth the mom can do the same thing. Just hover around and be available during the rough parts and then step out as soon as baby is born to allow for some special bonding time. All this needs is a bit of open and clear communication between all three parties.

I think if you want your mumthere for support then she should be there but I think you need to set some boundaries so your partners feels comfortable with her there and she knows where she is welcome and when to step back.

If you want Mum there she should be there regardless. But Mum also needs to know parents boundaries. Grandparents can overstep the line

I think you really need to sit down and try and calmly explain to your partner why it’s so important for you to have your Mum there.
If she’s a midwife then she’ll know what she’s doing and will be able to help take breaks with hubby. Labour can go on for a long time (as my hubby found out) so having someone there for you while hubby gets a bite to eat or even goes to the toilet would be helpful.

If this couple can’t agree on this point, they will both find it even more difficult to navigate parenthood together. I hope they both get the support that they need.

I totally see it from his point of view. He is feeling like he is getting sidelined at the most important time in his life. I would never consider doing that to my husband. He was the perfect support and still enjoyed the birth of our children. My first labour had a lot of complications and he was there through it all.

I think maybe compromise. If it’s a home birth, have the door open so your mum can still be a part of it (but not in the same room), or so she can step in if it’s too much for your partner. I get that you want the support from your mum, but I’m not sure what someone who has given birth before has to do with it honestly (especially when no two birthing experiences are the same and it’s been so long for your mum, nan and aunt).

It sounds to me like you just don’t want the baby’s daddy there at all.

I go totally against the “norm” in the belief that it’s not all about me! I make sure my husband is taken care of also, I remind him to use the bathroom and to eat and drink. I tell him to sit down and rest. We support each other in the delivery room

It should be her decision. It’s her birth plan. As long as they’re both allowed in the room if it’s what she wants she should get it.

He is just been a stubborn, arrogant and self-centred male as I see it. It’s for support only. She is very close to her mother so I feel it’s natural she wants her around during birthing time. He needs to consider her needs, as she is the one giving birth not him.

So different these days – men were never allowed into the birth room once.

If she wants her Mum, then let her have her Mum. He is being very inconsiderate to her feelings.

1. She wants her mother there. 2. Her mother is a midwife. 3. She is the one who is having the baby. Her husband is not very understanding.

Yeah its both their child but it ain’t coming out of him and he has no idea what she has, is and will go through! If she needs her mother, she needs her mother! Period!

I do understand her reasons so I think she needs to calmly communicate these to her partner.

I honestly cant see what the issue is, there will be two other midwives there anyway – what’s one more ( even if she’s your mum?) Giving birth is hard work and if having your mum makes you more comfortable than have her there. Your partner will probably change his tune when you are in labour anyway – he may actually welcome the support…

My first labour, plan was just for me and my partner as he was trying to be fair to his mum (I dont have a good relationship with my MIL) but we ended allowing my mum to be there for support as she never got the chance with her mum as her mum passed 3 weeks before I was born (I am 1st born). Plan was for mum to leave once final hurdle but ended up with emergency c-section.
As much as I loved my mum there for the support, it was the joy afterwards that was taken. My partner barely got to hold our son while I was in recovery and my mum just took over. Which caused my son to have a natural bond with my mum then with me & partner as he smelt her scent.
So if you want your mum there but hubby doesn’t, best advice is to just have her as support until final hurdle cause its a beautiful moment that you & your hubby needs to enjoy together.

Personally I can understand the feelings of her husband, it’s as if he’s put on the 2nd place at this huge event

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  • • MrsJReilly replied
    • 24 Mar 2022 , 9:18 am

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  He’s being selfish. It’s not about him. She’s the one who will be going through this experience and deserves to have the support people she wishes to be there.

My mother was at the birth of my first child and I didn’t even think to ask my husband, nor was it discussed prior, she was waiting outside and was asked if she wanted to come in. I didn’t even think about it, I was only concentrating on giving birth and my husband was able to see everything and cut the cord.

Maybe tell him that your mum will be there to relieve him. Being your first child, labour can be very long. So having your mum there will mean that if he’s getting tired or needs a minute, she can take over