'I Want My Parents Help With My Newborn, But Don't Want Them Staying With Me'

Those first few weeks after giving birth are often a blur of feeding, extreme exhaustion and complete chaos, so getting help from friends and family isn’t unusual.

But what this expecting mum is asking her parents to do has the internet up in arms. The 24-year-old mum-to-be has asked her mum and dad to come and help her adjust to life with a newborn for the first few weeks after the birth, but she doesn’t want them staying with her. And that’s not even the worst part.

The expecting mum lives in the same town she grew up in with her fiancé Dan. Her parents had her later in life, and she says she has a great relationship with them. They’ve now retired to a beach town some distance away from where their daughter lives.

“When they moved out, they sold me the house I grew up in well below market value, in exchange for me hosting them when they needed/wanted to come into town,” the expecting mum explained on reddit.

“It’s been like that for two years, they’ve been here a bunch of times for 3-4 days at a time, and it’s been a good arrangement I think.”

‘My mum was a little offended, saying that she wasn’t going to bother us and she was going to help out.’

But that all changed recently, when she asked her parents to come and support her for a while after she gives birth in December.

“Yesterday, I was talking to my mum about the birth and I brought up that I would like her to be in town when I give birth and to stay for a few weeks after. Dan has no relationship with his family and I’m an only child, with only a couple of very elderly aunts and a few cousins I don’t have much of a relationship with, so we don’t really have much in terms of a support system.

“Therefore, I’d love for my parents to come here and help around the house, with the baby, offer me the emotional support I know I’m going to need, etc. My mum was excited that I was asking her to do this and said that she’d be okay with staying with us for a few weeks while we adjusted to the baby.

“I then told her that I didn’t mean her staying with us, just in town, as I believe Dan and I are going to need and want alone time to adjust to the baby. My mum was a little offended, saying that she wasn’t going to bother us and she was going to help out, but I told her it was nothing personal, I just preferred if she got a hotel or AirBnB or something.

“My father then intervened, having been somewhere within earshot, and said that accomodation was going to be really expensive around that time of the year (our town has a very famous, very big Christmas market) and he wasn’t about to spend thousands of dollars when I was asking them to come AND it had been our agreement when they sold me the house that they could stay whenever they wanted.

“Which, like, fair, but I don’t think that having a newborn at home is just a regular time in someone’s life and it’s not like I ever complained about them coming over before. I just don’t want them in the house, but I do want them in town, and I feel a little sad that they are putting money above me and their grandson.

“My mother hung up the call trying to appease the situation, but then sent me a text saying that her and my dad were a little upset over the whole thing and that they thought I wasn’t being reasonable. When Dan got home, I told him all this and he kind of sided with them, saying that they should be allowed to stay with us. But I still don’t think it makes sense, as we are going to be needing our alone time. Was I the a**hole here?”

What are your thoughts? Let us know in the comments below.

44 Comments

- - mom462038 said
  - 03 Sep 2022
    9:05 am
It sounds a bit rude, expecting mum and dad to do all that travelling to help her out with bub. But I can understand why. It’s a huge adjustment having your first baby. You need help but also time alone to adjust. You never know, she may change her mind. When she realises some help with night feeds are needed.

- - mom460749 said
  - 03 Sep 2022
    8:42 am
If my children did this I’d be mortified.

I have friends in the town that I grew up in and now live 3 hours away and I can stay with them any time I’m in town no questions asked.

For a child to do this to their parents when they actually request them to come is something that doesn’t sit well with me!!

I can only think this is a headline to be internet controversy.

- - mom lidia84 said
  - 03 Sep 2022
    7:38 am
Grow up they are your parents. How you could even ask a family to stay in a hotel or Airbnb is beyond me. Your mother has given so much for you and you can’t even let her stay in the house there is something wrong with you you are 24-but you acting like your 12.
I would never asked my parents to not stay with me even if it was for a holiday. It’s time to start acting like a mum not like a baby.

- - mom466291 said
  - 03 Sep 2022
    7:03 am
Very rude if you ask me

- - Jgracex said
  - 03 Sep 2022
    6:36 am
I think that If she would like the help from her parents she should at least give it a go with having them stay there. Maybe not in the first few days. See how it goes, she might love it or hate it. The extra set of hands could be great!

- - Ellen said
  - 03 Sep 2022
    6:15 am
I don’t think you can expect from your parents to come and support you for some weeks whilst going to hotel or AirBnb in a very expensive season. You then should either offer to pay their accommodation or welcome them under your roof. Instead of having them over for some weeks to support you (if that’s too much for you), you could also have them for a shorter time/a couple of days like you have done over the past few years

- - mom486400 said
  - 03 Sep 2022
    5:41 am
Yes definitely an asshole. I could never do that to my parents also having help at night will be God send!!!

- - Mom7534689 said
  - 03 Sep 2022
    1:14 am
I agree with everyone in the comments

- - mom101628 said
  - 03 Sep 2022
    1:10 am
Absolutely – they have done so much for you and now you want more and wish to give nothing in return. If I were your parents, it might be a long time since I saw you again.

- - mom71495 said
  - 02 Sep 2022
    10:28 pm
You cannot be that unreasonable with our parents. After all, they sold you the house below Market Value in exchange for allowing them to come and stay with you any time. You say you want help, but now you are putting restrictions on your parents. What a terrible attitude, wanting alone time. You are crying out for help from your parents but then you are making it conditional. You are so selfish. I suggest you continue with the agreed arrangement you made with your parents and allow them to come and stay and help you and moreover allow them the privilege of enjoying their grandchild. You have wonderful parents and you don’t even appreciate or realise it. Not many parents would do for their children what they have done for you. Make the right decision and let your parents come and stay with you because it will be a much better arrangement in return for giving you the help you need with their soon-to-be grandchild.

- - sars_angelchik said
  - 02 Sep 2022
    9:58 pm
Wow! Completely ungrateful- she should be thankful they’re willing to help!

- - Mumofboys said
  - 02 Sep 2022
    9:16 pm
Yep, you are the ahole. Selfish and entitled. You have asked your parents to come snd help the least you can do is have them stay with you. Absolutely rude to ask them to stay else where when you want their help

- - mom77322 said
  - 02 Sep 2022
    9:12 pm
She doesn’t deserve help imagine wanting your parents to come and help but telling them they have to pay for accommodation shame on you

- - bankstownbrats said
  - 02 Sep 2022
    9:05 pm
hmmm …YES ..you’re the selfish brat here ..you’re lucky you have parents that will actually take time out and help you for a few weeks ..my mum lives in the same suburb and didn’t help me at all…she said i had them so i have to look after them

- - mom419742 said
  - 02 Sep 2022
    8:28 pm
Totally selfish move!
I wish I had that annoying of support when I had my kids.
Totally dick move towards her parents 🙁

- - Mad Bean said
  - 02 Sep 2022
    7:27 pm
I think she is being unreasonable. I don’t get what she means by alone time. It’s not like her parents are going to take over just cause they are there. Plus the cost of accommodation would be insane.

- - BellaB said
  - 02 Sep 2022
    7:10 pm
I think maybe give herself a couple of days with husband and newborn (because, yes, I do think you need some time with just your immediate family) and then ask her parents to come and stay. I don’t think it’s fair to ask them to come for an extended time and expect them to find accommodation elsewhere.

- - Frankiielot said
  - 02 Sep 2022
    6:58 pm
Alone time?! There’s no such thing with a newborn.
She is being super selfish especially after all her parents have done for her and especially when they were so willing to stay for awhile to help out with whatever she needs.
Seems like a bit of a princess to me tbh!

- - TraceyGail said
  - 02 Sep 2022
    4:15 pm
She is definitely being unfair, not to mention very rude, selfish and spoilt. I’m so glad the husband at least sees this. They had an agreement, she should stick to it at all times, not just when it suits her. An apology and some grovelling needed here.

- - cassy26 said
  - 02 Sep 2022
    1:57 pm
Honestly, yes you are being unfair. You either want your alone time or you want help. Its not fair to expect your parents to pay thousands of dollars just to be at your beck and call, especially when you made an agreement that they could stay whenever they wanted.