I agree that eight hours on the phone per day is a lot. I agree that being on the phone can impact our ability to focus on our relationships and give attention. However I do not like the way the husband is coming with a demand. In a good marriage / partnership we can talk with each other and share concerns but we don’t have to demand.

His concern is valid, but he’s being too prescriptive in specifying 8 hours without phone use. I mean, that’s a long time! And look, there’s no way I spent anything like that amount of time on my devices when my kids were little – I thought it was a bad thing. But you know what? I picked up a magazine or book and read it. I talked to friends on the phone. I did some sewing. I wasn’t totally focused on my kids all the time either – and so since other people use their phones differently to me, I’m hesitant to judge.

It’s easy to get carried away on your phone because it can distract you from other things. My boys are adults now so I do use my phone a bit too much at times. Saying that, I have a small 11yo dog who is blind. She’s constantly wanting to get on my lap or go out and when this happens, my phone goes in my pocket and I go outside to take her for a walk or just pay her attention. I know having a dog isn’t the same but they still need attention. I don’t agree that she should turn phone off for 8 hours but I do think when the baby wants you, the phone should be put aside. After all, they’re not babies for long

The dad clearly under estimates the challenges of full time stay at home baby care. While screen time balance is extremely important, expecting 8 phone free hours ignores the isolation and mental exhaustion of being home all day. He gets adult interaction and mental stimulation at work; his wife deserves small breaks and connection too. It’s not just about “phone addiction” but about maintaining sanity and connection in an incredibly demanding role. Empathy, not rigid rules is what is needed here.

I have some different thoughts about this but I do agree that a parent or child minder shouldn’t be on the phone all the time when caring for the child. Just recently I had a conversation with a support worker of my daughter after someone made us aware that he’s on his phone all the time when supporting my daughter. I had a gentle but clear conversation with him and asked him to take my feedback on board whilst keeping it respectful and also showing appreciation

Sounds like my relationship. My partner seems to be into his phone a lot more than caring for his son. I’ve been painting the nursery all weekend and every time I go to check on them, he’s on his phone and my son is playing alone. I tell him off for doing it and he just gets defensive. I just tell him that your son is going to have abandonment issues because of this, and he can deal with it when it happens lol

You are at work all day, so how do you know? Only because it might be just a coincidence or she is trying to grab your attention. What do you do when you are at home. How often are you home? Baby is clean, well-dressed and fed means that everything is under control.

I don’t think putting a specific time limit on it is a great idea – that sounds really controlling and is likely to annoy her. I would hate, as an adult, to be micro managed like that. On the other hand, it sounds absolutely fair to ask her to reduce her phone use when the baby is present.

i read all the comments below as well. I do think half and half. Dad is angry on wife but is it fair without mobile for 8 hours? yes i agree babyhood is very short time. But why can’t be dad? when its come to parenthood both need to sail the family boat. not only mum.

I agree with comment made below about setting up time for the side hustle. It makes good sense to plan and allocate specific time to the side hustle. All days and jobs do need to be scheduled to make the most of days and time and to be productive in every possible way.

8 hours a day is a lot to be on a phone. If she has side huddles she should consider dedicating time to doing these so she can then also be a parent. It is so important for kids to get time with parents and not see them on their phones all the time.

I’m sorry, but I think the dad is totally in the right. I had 4 children by the time my eldest was only 5, and two of those have significant disabilities (ASD and dyspraxia, as well as significant allergies) and the youngest has ODD and ADHD. I was a full-time stay at home mother until the youngest was also at school, then I worked at a school, so I could be a full-time mother outside of school hours. When I quit work due to medical conditions, I then studied from home while they were at school so I could get a degree and get a higher-paying job when they were finally all independent, had their own license, and didn’t need me to drive them to and from school, sporting events and all the rest. (Before anyone asks what was wrong with public transport, we lived 18 kms from the nearest bus stop.) Either this man’s wife is a ‘stay at home mother’ or it’s time for her to do something else with her life. If she needs to spend so much time on her phone because of a ‘side hustle’ and is unable to nurture the child while she does so, then she needs to place the child in daycare and get a proper job. It sounds as though the baby would be better cared for in daycare anyway. This type of woman is the type that, when the baby is old enough to walk, she will take the baby shopping, and to other places, and will walk around with her face and eyes towards her phone while the child trails behind totally unsupervised. There is nothing worse. It’s akin to child neglect. The idea of a mother, or father, staying at home to look after their child in the earlier years is to nurture them, teach them, and get them ready for the next big step in their lives – school. Even with 4 children, all mine started kindergarten knowing the alphabet, how to write their names, and being able to count up to 100. Now there are some children starting school not even being able to toilet themselves properly and needing bottoms wiped or, worse still, wearing nappies and needing those changed. If the mum isn’t really interested in nurturing that child full-time, both in terms of physical and psychological nurturing, then she really needs to move on and be doing something else instead.

I’m not sure about the whole 8 hours thing, but I do agree with this dad. Your child is only a baby for such a short time. This is valuable time that should be spent bonding. This baby is going to grow to understand that his mother doesn’t want to give him the time of day. You need to take the time to make anyone, let alone your own child, feel like they are important. Occasionally you may need to do a quick reply to a message or take a phone call, etc. But you really should be ensuring that you spend plenty of quality time with your child while you can.

This sounds to me as the start of being controlling. I do understand that Mum needs to pay attention to her baby, the time when they are little is so precious, but at the same time she does need the outlet of how ever she is doing it to be able to have that bit of time for herself. I think asking her to be off her phone for 8 hours is a bit much, make a compromise of her putting it down for maybe an hour or 2 at a time.

I like your answer meedee ! I totally agree that there is far more power in a positive comment. And actually it has been proven that for every negative comment, three to five positive comments should be given to bring it in balance. And whilst a negative or constructive comment might be needed to point an area out what needs improvement, you do need to balance it with positive comment to prevent demotivation

Telephone addiction, screen addiction and device addiction is indeed a real thing. Any addiction needs to be managed in a manner that addresses the addiction and using proven strategies to tackle the addiction. A mature and adult conversation about the issue is a good starting point with the support of professional services.

I don’t think this is specific to just the wife. I think all parents who chose to have kids should give their kids the time of day and be phone free during their waking hours unless they’re on call for work. If you want to scroll your phone don’t have kids, they deserve your undivided attention

Yes get OFF your phone and spend every precious moment with your child. Children grow up way too fast! I’m 60 years old and I never had time , but to be looking after my children and taking care of them. Try enjoying every moment with them. Who knows what tomorrow will bring! 😊

It isn’t a healthy thing for a baby to see you on your phone. They realize that you’re holding something that is giving you joy, and it isn’t them and they will try to compete with that phone. My family member completing their psych masters has really stressed to me to avoid it being a habit. It sounds like both parents need to put their screens aside and focus on bub. They need stimulation and guidance at this stage

I dont think that its right for you to demand such a thing. You can want it and hope for it but demanding it says you are the boss in the relationship and thats not how things work.
Perhaps it would be better for you to find positive things your partner does and comment on those rather then tearing her down. THings such as “I heard you talking to bub this morning and it just sounded so lovely. You really are a good Mum” Pointing out to her positive things might just make her more responsive. Remember that your life has not changed as much as hers. You still get up and go to work every morning which is actually a break away from bub. Perhaps your partner would like some ‘me’ time too. Something to think about.
Good luck