This is just shocking.
I have a female family member who found the strength to contact the police about her situation. They told her that they would visit their home on a certain day and would serve papers on her partner and they would stay there while he packed his things and left the property with an order of zero contact with the female. She smartly elected to not be home when this happened and went out with a friend (the police were not aware of this). Instead of doing as they had said they actually phoned her partner and told him this was what was happening and he of course started madly phoning and texting the female (she ignored him). Now if she had been at home with him when the police had phoned its very possible she would have ended up in hospital or even dead. Sadly the police put her at risk. An hour later the police arrived and stayed until he had packed and they took him down to the station. A little later on the female received a phone call from a Female Officer who was very bitchy towards her and said that the poor male was at the station and he needed more of his clothing and the only shoes he had were his thongs so could she sort out a time for him to come back to the house to get his other things?
None of this went as she had been told it would and she said “I always thought that there were laws and rules put in place to protect people involved in DV but I now see there really isnt and I am stunned that the police seemed to care more about him then me and they put me at risk”

This was an eye opener for me as well as i watched these events unfold. I am sad but not surprised with the number of woman being killed by their partners when the police refuse to act as they are supposed to.

That is sick! I work for victims services and the amount of calls and applications we get a day is just crazy.
I don’t understand how people can turn a blind eye to something like this because it’s their family member. People like that should be locked up forever and beat up in gaol so they know what it feels like to get beat up and have no one give a crap or try and help them.
What a sick, sad world we live in…

Thank you for sharing your story with us, very brave ! I wish I could take away from your pain and would have loved to invite you to come over for Christmas and share and be part of our family.
It’s not uncommon to keep dirty wash under the blankets, it happens all the time and I think indeed something needs to change in society and the law.
I remember dealing with a little girl in my work as a psychiatric nurse, I think she was about 3 or 4yrs old and she was sexually abused by a huge part of her family (grandparents uncles aunties cousins all raped this little girl) she was dissociative and psychotic and couldn’t bare to be touched at all or she would totally freak and lose control. You can imagine that physical examination was near impossible let alone putting her on the stand to testify against her family. And the family got away with it, horrific and very very upsetting.

A very powerful story and one which unfortunately will keep on happening because too many people either don’t wish to believe it is happening or turn a blind eye especially within some cultures. Many years ago I was part of a social club set up to help those more unfortunate than us in all and every way. We had been told about a family that were being incestual with all the females in the family and the police said they couldn’t take action unless they had proof from a professional, a doctor or clergy or psychoanalyst. We then took action and lobbied the state council and local members until we eventually got the law passed that doctors by law had to inform the police if they saw evidence of misconduct be it beatings, sexual intercourse or mind control over another. That was in the early 1970’s. However these things still go on because evidence is hidden or the perpetrator makes sure no doctor or physician is called to the victim. The particular family our group was concerned with was eventually stopped from perpetrating any more crimes, but it took a long time and many of our members were in fear of their own lives during this time. Girls as young as 2 were being sexually abused by their brothers and it was being kept from the authorities. I am pleased I was able to make a difference then, but I know it still goes on and do hope your plea for all to pledge to stamp it out from this Christmas forward will make a few more dints in this horrible problem.

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 31 Dec 2019 , 8:01 am

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  Thank you for making the difference !

This story makes me so upset that those that provided support end up those that are exiled when really it should be the other way around..it does shine light on how unfortunately this time of year isn’t always a chance for a family celebration…let’s make sure we’re all looking for the signs and show that we’re there.

This is so sad. Infuriates me and breaks my heart at the same time. There is never and excuse for abuse and people that do that to anyone should rot in jail.

Reading that story breaks my heart, when will it become not OK to abuse your partner and children as well

I never knew until my Nanna passed away that she suffered from domestic violence all through her marriage. My Granddad would always hit her where it never showed and she would never let anyone know. She just carried on like normal and never thought of leaving because in those days you never got divorced. I hope things change soon because no-one deserves to suffer in silence.

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  • • Mum2archer replied
    • 10 Dec 2019 , 1:59 pm

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  Oh that’s just heartbreaking what she went through all alone. Im so sorry this happened to her

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    • • Ellen replied
      • 31 Dec 2019 , 8:11 am

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    Very sad indeed !
    My grandfather was violent to my grandmother as well and emotionally abused and humiliated her and withheld money from her while he had a lot and expecting her to run the household with 7 kids and hardly a cent. Only when he died she got relieved from this burden and got to spread her wings a little and so much tears and pain came out by her and the children. It’s so unfair !!

wow… great read. break the silence!

Don’t go quietly! This is why women die every day from domestic violence. It’s still taboo to talk about but good on you for saying something. Wouldn’t it feel worse if you didn’t say anything and something worse happened.

This is so powerful story.

I hear you. I have taken a stand again my in-laws because of their culture and acceptance of domestic violence within their family. With my husband (and our son), we have decided to put an end to the cycle and no longer be a part of it. We’ve tried to fight it, but with no luck. So the best thing for us is to cut ourselves off. I feel such relief and no longer feel sick when I have to visit them or anyone in my husband’s family. It’s taken so long to get to this point, and to feel okay about it.

He won’t change and eventually her shunners will learn. Unfortunately meanwhile it’s often the good people who suffer. Doing something about violence is always the right thing to do.

I’m a survivor of sexual abuse (childhood side covers many years, two incidents as an adult… the last being where I went from *fright* to *fight* mode… kicking him where it hurts… but he escaped before the police could find him… still there’s something good about that feeling of disabling them… even if only for a few minutes!)

I commend you for stepping up when you saw something wrong… even if there was a cultural thing tied to it (sadly, often why it allowed to happen)

I wish you had have been there for me as a child… although it probably wouldn’t haven’t stopped it… a society that preferred to sweep things under the mat back then… at least, that’s how my family treated such issues… even when their own children (my sisters) were trying to telling them what was happening, they weren’t believed either, resulting in cruelty from them too for a while (until they were old enough to figure out the truth)

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 31 Dec 2019 , 8:13 am

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  So sorry you went through this !!

We need to stop closing the door on difficult situations and help out our fellow community with issues like this so it doesn’t have to happen

What a powerful story on Avery touchy subject. We need to decrease the stigma

WHat a powerful story

She is a inspiration to others

You deserve to be commended on your decision to stand by the victim and by your actions convey to the perpetrator that what he is doing is absolutely wrong. Your relations are not worth having if they cannot stand up to this disgraceful man and tell him to stop his terrible behaviour or they will have nothing to do with him and report him to the authorities. If they stand together against this man, he would be the one left out from Christmas gatherings and not you and your family.

You are indeed very brave and inspirational.