I’m shocked to read there are still people out there preaching kids out of wedlock is bad. I’d be more upset at being called fat

This is the thing….how sad that this child has been educated to think this way

Family dynamics are different and children need to know that there situation fits their family and that is all that matters.

I think it’s more common now for children to not have a mum & a dad who are both married to each other with no children from previous relationships. These kids are in the minority now.

Judgement is everywhere these days and about everything!

I think people are no longer judging people abut their marriage status

Two out of three of my babies are brown and my youngest whilst not brown is still darker than me. When I’m out with my kids (without their daddy) I get the occasional question about where their daddy is from, from adults but that stems from harmless curiosity and not judgement. Some people just don’t understand that the world has changed and people do things their own way.

I’m married but didn’t change my surname, so that occasionally confuses people. I’ve never felt judged though.

I’m not married I have 2 daughters I haven’t had anything like above happen but do wish we all had the same last name I find it weird at appointments when they say my last name and then my kids are different

Powerful article. I’m in the same boat

Kids are not born to be cruel, it’s what they pick up from other adults saying cruel things about people. As for not changing your surname to that of the person you marry, it’s a personal choice and says nothing about you as a person.

It’s so easy for people to quickly judge. It is wrong in a lot of ways that the man’s name is generally passed on and not the mothers. I guess that’s why you see more hyphenated surnames. But sometimes I feel they just make your name as too long.

Kids can be unintentionally cruel when taught cruel ideas by adults! I hope I raise my daughter to know not to treat another child this way.
I do like the idea of the family having the mother’s last name, except in my family. My husband has the same name as my brother so if he took my last name that would weird me out too much!

I am surprised as family dynamics, married, not married, name changed, not changed is not something people I know care about.

It doesn’t make you a bad person not being married to the father of your children, but I do believe that marriage should come first before the kids. It sets up that strong family environment and shows that you are committed to each other through an actual promise. It means so much more than a piece of paper.

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  • • mom94898 replied
    • 08 Jul 2021 , 9:23 pm

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  If that were true, there wouldn’t be so many divorces. Two people who really love each other, do not need to be married to commit their lives to someone. I was married, and my husband didn’t take our commitment seriously, yet I know a couple who have been together for over 30 years, never married, they are very happy as they are.

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    • • mom478886 replied
      • 29 Jul 2021 , 7:33 pm

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    That’s great for you if that was what made sense when you set up your family. But there are plenty of reasons people would choose not to get married at all, or not to be concerned about getting married before having children. I would never judge anybody for the way they’ve started a family, and I don’t think any way is better than another. Plenty of marriages don’t last, it doesn’t establish any more stability than just being in a committed relationship with someone you care about.

My kids are too young to even understand but they have different last names to both Dad and I. We chose to give them a different name, because despite not being married, our intention is to change our names. Neither Dad or myself feel bonded to our current last names and feel no need to pass it on. The name we picked is far more important than what we have. But as for this Mum not being married, I guess this comes with the conversation that while not married lawfully, you love and are comited to each other jo differently to a married pair. At least that’s my take. Some people want the piece of paper and the ceremony, some do not, both relationships should be accepted as normal.

I wish I knew you, because you sound like a great person and your daughter is lucky to have such a knowing, smart role model mum. I’m sorry for the mean dumb things her friend said to her, and for the body shape madness, and I thank you for sharing your wisdom, and for the line ‘you can’t argue with stupid’. All true.
A different but relatable story:My parents werent married but I was given my father’s name. It was the only thing he did give me, and when i was older I changed my surname to include my mother’s , as she was the one who raised me, taught me, supported me. I am entitled to both, but it is my mum’s name I am proud of that defines me.

I think it is nicer if the parents are married for the children’s sake it is easier if your all same surname.

The father of my kids married me when our twins were 2 years old and OMG in those first 2 years I experienced so much shaming and judgement. Being a young and unmarried mum made me stronger and stand up for myself from judgy strangers.

My partner and I aren’t married and we get married. We believe it’s a very old school tradition and it’s a religious ceremony. Well we don’t follow a religion so doesn’t make much sense to get married.
Either way you choose I think it’s important to educate your children on freedom of choice. You don’t have to do something because society says you have to.