Apology is a stupid word that means nothing and is with no value. Lets face it you are getting on in age enjoy what what time you have and enjoy all the kids you are very lucky . Money is to be spent you can’t take it with you.

You are in a difficult situation, but do you think you should start taking some time for yourself? Perhaps you could be busy going out somewhere every now and again and unable to mind the children. They should have a back-up as no-one knows what might happen around the corner of our lives. It isn’t fair, no matter how much you love your grandchildren that you should be the one to rear them. Just quietly and slowly start to cut back – you do need a life of your own as well.

That would be really difficult. It sound like the daughter is taking advantage of her whether she means to or not. I think you need to sit down and have a conversation with them. Set some boundaries Maybe she doesn’t realise that you are feeling overwhelmed.

I think her daughter is taking advantage of her, TBH, I wouldn’t apologise.

you’re in a difficult position, time to have a chat with your daughter about responsibilities

Wow, I really feel for the Grandmother. You shouldn’t have children if you can’t afford them or spend time with them. What is the purpose for them, then? This poor Grandmother, I do really feel for her and think that this was probably just a reflex response. I also think the time is right then for her to explain she can’t take on any more and they need to make other arrangements. That may make them re-think their responsibilities for parenting.

I’m so sorry you’re in such a difficult situation. You’re trying to be as helpful as possible, and unfortunately your generosity is being severely taken advantage of in multiple ways.

As many other comments mentioned, boundaries are essential for your health and well-being (mental, emotional, and physical) as well as your daughter’s. This can be easier said than done to do though, especially when it comes to not wanting to create family rifts and long instilled behavioural patterns. You have the right to set boundaries, and you deserve to as well to look after yourself.

I would personally encourage you to seek some professional guidance (e.g., social worker, psychologist ,etc.) to have support for what you are feeling/thinking with what you are going through. They would also be incredibly helpful for understanding boundaries and boundary setting in healthy ways (and what to do when the other person resists or becomes upset when you suddenly set boundaries – this is very important and helpful). Good luck and best wishes, and remember you deserve to have your life as well, and this should be respected and supported by the loved ones in your life. Your are worthy of it.

A very tricky situation, and hoping it works out for all parties in the end.

It’s a tricky situation to be in but it sounds like the grandmother is ending up with more children to care for even though she’s done her days

You have no need to apologise. I get the feeling that she’s only pregnant because she wants to collect more money. Tell her you are happy for them but you can only look after the children once or twice a week and only during the times that suit you. Do not give them anymore money. If they can buy themselves things then they have the money for their own children and they need to stop using you. Bet they wouldn’t do anything to help you.

That’s tough. Can you sit her down and explain you are excited, but you need to cut down on helping her so take on more, so she will need to prepare herself now for when the baby comes.

No, I don’t think she needs to apologise. I think the daughter needs to have a good think as to why her mum feels this way. And grandma needs to be more honest with her daughter, learn to say no

Needs to set some boundaries that’s for sure

I think Grandma should set some boundaries about how much time she spends caring for the kids. It’s not fair on her.

my mum has been like this with every pregnancy i’ve had , and i don’t know why as she never babysits and she lives 5 minutes away but that’s fine as i don’t really ask her but when i was having my 4 th child it was a planned c section and i had to be at the hospital by 6am and asked my mum if she could come down and just check on the kids and take them to school , well thst was too much trouble as she said 8:40am was too early for her so i had to get my older kids to walk to school and get the 6 year old ready too .and i’ve never forgotten that but mind you my brother and his wife had a baby and my mum minds their son 2-3 times per week from 8am and she has to actually drive 30 minutes to get to their house for her to go to work and even minds him when the wife wants to go shopping by herself,wtf ,.but it’s like she is competing with the wife’s parents ..and also mind you my brother is on $200k and his wife $100k and his work actually gives him $70 a day for daycare and now the wife is pregnant again so i dare say my mum will be babysitting again without a problem

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  • • Ellen replied
    • 30 Oct 2022 , 8:47 am

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  Aw bless, I can imagine that stings

I feel sorry for the grandmother and don’t think she needs to apologise. She needs to sit down with her daughter and tell her how she feels about looking after the kids. Also, instead of giving money to her daughter, ask her what the children need and buy it for them.

I know how you feel because when my daughter-in-law told me that she was expecting a 3rd child all I could think about was how much I’m going to have to look after the child. I have nothing against babysitting I enjoy doing it, but there is only so much you can take until you feel like saying “look after your own kid for once” You might have to start being busy doing something else. I know it’s not easy and I do feel for you. If it gets to you too much go to your local GP and ask advice.

Start as you mean to go on. Sadly limits should have been put in place to start with but its never too late. Establish strict rules and no matter what you stick to them. Work out how many hours per week you are willing to look after the children and dont allow them to go over that. Stop giving them money for the kids as you are enabling them.
There is someone I know and I have watched this female work her magic on her family for years. She had two children and her grandmother purchased a place for her to live. Grandma also purchased a lovely car for her. The house was a trash heap and her son said he was embarassed to invite friends over. In the end the house was abandoned as she didnt pay any of the bills. Her Dad gave her money every pay day for years as she was training to become a nurse. Then she got her qualifications and she decided she would go for a more technical thing so required more training. Finally she got there and started work and she was finally earning good money but still grandma and dad were constantly giving her money. She would always say that she had no money for food. her Dad gave her money one day so she could put petrol in the car to get to work as she said she didnt know how she was going to manage. I then watched her tell her daughter that no she couldnt have money to buy anything from the food stand but when she thought no one was watching she went and got herself something and then later that night her grandmother told me that she had given her $20 for petrol so she could get to work. They become masters as working on people to get extra money. I have many stories I could tell. Now she is living in grandmas home with grandma paying the bills and Dad giving her his car to drive several times a week. I have no idea how she will cope when grandma passes away. Sadly it becomes a situation where the person thinks they are helping but instead they are creating dependance. One of the best things we can do for our children is to teach them Independance.

Time to put your foot down and stand up for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with the occasional babysitting but these people are selfish, entitled and abusive. They had their kids and now they can step up, grow a set and raise their kids themselves. You need money for your own future and are fully entitled to a rich life of travel, friends etc. You are not their slave. I raised four kids and as far as I’m concerned I come from an era of “ You had em You raise em” If you don’t stand up for yourself you’ll be abused, used, and downtrodden to your grave. Oh and how often do they help you in return?

I can completely understand the reaction- she feels used. She needs to sit the daughter down and set some boundaries.