Is motherhood killing your fun?

I heard from a reputable source (okay, it was the Ellen DeGeneres Show) that children who have imaginary friends are more likely to succeed academically, have good socialisation skills and have fun.

This is brilliant news for my son. He has an entire imaginary family. A brother, a sister and his own baby. Baby has had several birthdays, yet is still one year old and baby is responsible for a lot of questionable behaviour in my house.

Kids know how to have fun. It’s innate to most of them. They actively seek fun scenarios.

But is motherhood killing your fun? As we become adults, and particularly when we become mothers, we tend to take life a little more seriously.

Many women find themselves trying to juggle the challenges of life and sometimes we need a little help with how we are coping.

With small adjustments, you can make enormous changes to your family life, career, happiness and self-esteem. The process is known as cognitive reframing or changing how you choose to think. That’s all. Nothing magical or unachievable.

As humans, it is natural for us to utilise unhelpful thinking styles occasionally. We all do.

Fun stoppers include:

Overgeneralising: ”Nothing ever works how I planned”
Jumping to conclusions: Presuming what others are thinking or predicting what will happen in the future
All or nothing: “Either I do it perfectly or I won’t do it”
Eliminating the positive: Focusing on the negative and deciding what you have achieved does not count
Catastrophising (my fave word – I’m a bit of a geek): Blowing things out of proportion
Minimisation: Making something seem more trivial than it is
Emotional logic: “I feel nervous so I must be a fool”
Shoulda’s: ”I should do …” , “I need to do …”
Loose labelling: Labelling self or others negatively
Blame: Blaming self for something that’s not entirely your fault or placing blame solely on others.

Don’t be worried if many of these resonate with you. We all use them at some point.

When you are finding yourself using them often and your thoughts, choices and activities are being affected adversely; it might be time to do some cognitive reframing.

It sounds like a lot of work and it does take effort, but the beauty of our thoughts are that that are CHANGEABLE and CONTROLLABLE. We have the ability to make significant changes to our lives, just by changes to our thoughts.

If all else fails, it might be time for an imaginary friend.

“Thinking mum” image from Shutterstock

81 Comments

- - tilly said
  - 14 Apr 2014
    10:48 am
Being a mum is hard work but all the joy it brings you is well worth it.

- - coppin85 said
  - 14 Apr 2014
    10:41 am
this does need some work

- - koloababe4 said
  - 02 Apr 2014
    9:17 pm
That’s an interesting way to look at it

- - mouse said
  - 01 Apr 2014
    7:50 pm
I think being a mother is the fun part, not the killer

- - ollieas88 said
  - 01 Apr 2014
    2:34 pm
Sometimes you just have to accept things the way they are I guess.

- - haldem337 said
  - 31 Mar 2014
    10:25 pm
People take life way too seriously. I want my kids to be fun and a little bit spontaneous!

- - meedee said
  - 31 Mar 2014
    9:51 pm
My kids are almost all grown and i must admit that its only now that im starting to think more about me and how i need to live life and have fun.

Look out world.

- - caramello said
  - 31 Mar 2014
    9:50 pm
thank you very much for sharing

- - mel83ak said
  - 31 Mar 2014
    2:06 pm
This is brilliant. Fantastic pointers. Thank you so much for sharing.

- - mumtimesthree said
  - 28 Mar 2014
    2:30 pm
I have been a Mum for 20 years and have definitely lost some of the fun. I try really hard now to do ‘silly’ things and forget about what HAS to be done for just a little while each day. Do something crazy every day, even if it is only a little thing. Whatever makes your children laugh will be infectious and make you laugh too. Make a funny face out of food, put your clothes on backwards, tell a joke, wear a funny wig to dinner….. whatever makes everyone smile. Keep bigger fun things for the weekend – walk in the rain, have a picnic inside and eat dessert first, build a blanket fort or just make some mess baking cookies together. Think about what was fun for YOU when you weren’t so serious!

- - somethingblue said
  - 26 Mar 2014
    3:30 pm
Thanks for the info, will try some of these in the future

- - kerry mcgee said
  - 26 Mar 2014
    1:10 pm
Great article! Thanks for sharing!

- - priyachirag said
  - 25 Mar 2014
    5:18 pm
So true, thanks for sharing.

- - sandra_sciascia said
  - 25 Mar 2014
    12:11 am
For anyone raising a girl like me – mine is 9 going on 19 – this is the most brilliant book I’ve read.
Raising Girls, by author Gisela Preuschoff – she is an amazing writer and has helped me great deal.

- - mummy liana said
  - 24 Mar 2014
    10:09 pm
thank you sharing this article good read

- - kylieao said
  - 24 Mar 2014
    6:02 pm
Be role models for our kids. Thinks positive and act positively and they will too.

- - mummy liana said
  - 23 Mar 2014
    2:58 am
thanks for sharing, was a good read

- - mle00 said
  - 22 Mar 2014
    10:45 pm
one of the biggest mummy secrets is the realization that you either have to choose to laugh or cry over every little thing.

- - jacqpot said
  - 22 Mar 2014
    10:38 am
It is really hard to find our fun mojo again but it’s definitely possible. Start with small changes & see what works best for you. Mindfulness (Google if unsure what it is) is a good technique to incorporate. Good luck lovely ladies. Jacq x

- - vidald79 said
  - 22 Mar 2014
    9:03 am
Id have to agree that im certainly more serious and a fun killer since becoming a mum. I look back on my self and cant believe the imagination and fun i had. Just this morning i was thinking about i should get up and do a fun activity but its like if spent so long now being the responsible one and the cook and cleaner i don’t know how to play any more