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I heard from a reputable source (okay, it was the Ellen DeGeneres Show) that children who have imaginary friends are more likely to succeed academically, have good socialisation skills and have fun.

This is brilliant news for my son. He has an entire imaginary family. A brother, a sister and his own baby. Baby has had several birthdays, yet is still one year old and baby is responsible for a lot of questionable behaviour in my house.

Kids know how to have fun. It’s innate to most of them. They actively seek fun scenarios.

But is motherhood killing your fun? As we become adults, and particularly when we become mothers, we tend to take life a little more seriously.

Many women find themselves trying to juggle the challenges of life and sometimes we need a little help with how we are coping.

With small adjustments, you can make enormous changes to your family life, career, happiness and self-esteem. The process is known as cognitive reframing or changing how you choose to think. That’s all. Nothing magical or unachievable.

As humans, it is natural for us to utilise unhelpful thinking styles occasionally. We all do.

Fun stoppers include:

  • Overgeneralising: ”Nothing ever works how I planned”
  • Jumping to conclusions: Presuming what others are thinking or predicting what will happen in the future
  • All or nothing: “Either I do it perfectly or I won’t do it”
  • Eliminating the positive: Focusing on the negative and deciding what you have achieved does not count
  • Catastrophising (my fave word – I’m a bit of a geek): Blowing things out of proportion
  • Minimisation: Making something seem more trivial than it is
  • Emotional logic: “I feel nervous so I must be a fool”
  • Shoulda’s: ”I should do …” , “I need to do …”
  • Loose labelling: Labelling self or others negatively
  • Blame: Blaming self for something that’s not entirely your fault or placing blame solely on others.

Don’t be worried if many of these resonate with you. We all use them at some point.

When you are finding yourself using them often and your thoughts, choices and activities are being affected adversely; it might be time to do some cognitive reframing.

It sounds like a lot of work and it does take effort, but the beauty of our thoughts are that that are CHANGEABLE and CONTROLLABLE. We have the ability to make significant changes to our lives, just by changes to our thoughts.

If all else fails, it might be time for an imaginary friend.

“Thinking mum” image from Shutterstock
  • I want an imaginary friend… lol
    Its good that we have the ability to make significant changes to our lives just by changes to our thoughts, we just have to apply them.

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  • the funs gone from my life .

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  • I find myself thinking of regretting having kids sometimes when I am overtired… I can’t help it… I feel horrible about this. 🙁 🙁 🙁 I must learn to apply all these in life more…

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  • I’ve just gotten out of ‘over-planning’ and expecting everything experience to be perfect. What is perfect is to experience 😉

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  • Thank you for sharing this!

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  • Thanks for sharing this great article to read

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  • We all need to have balance in our lives.

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  • I try to avoid doing those things, i have acomplished alot to be where i am and I wouldnt change it. I embrace the little things with my daughter and we have lots of fun 🙂

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  • So true! We all get so wrapped up in motherhood we forget to see the fun in life! I’m going to make a bigger effort to address these things!

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  • Thank you for sharing this interesting article

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  • As a single mum my life has certainly changed and I don’t allow myself very much ‘me’ time these days. But I do still try to stay connected with my friends and allow myself the occassional dinner where I can put a dress on and some heels so that I can feel like a woman and not just a mum. It’s so important.

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  • Balance can be a tricky thing sometimes.

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  • Balance is great but it is more the norm that kids come first and that’s ok too.

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  • It takes much practise and time to learn to control thoughts and over the years I’ve tried a few different things. It can be done though.

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  • I believe life must be a balance. Everyone deserves and needs time to them selves and time for them selves. A little quite time where you can do you own thing what ever it maybe, when ever it maybe.
    Children are the most precious gift in life and all to soon they are children no more, so enjoy them while you can.
    Who said motherhood could not be fun, and we as mothers have grown out of our childhood. Try playing with the child or children when they are hosting a tea party with toys, join in and enter the wondrous world of the young. Blow bubbles with the children, fly kits, skip, have a swing, it’s all free and will bring out your inner child .Then at the end of a long day when the children are in bed and dreaming, lit a candle and have a bubble bath and relax.

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  • should I be worried none of my children have imaginary friends my middle child often just talks to herself and admits that she likes talking to herself

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  • A great article thanks, but I think it applies a lot my to my husband than myself.

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  • I dont know that i had imaginary friends but I did have plenty of people to talk to that others couldnt see.
    Not sure that i was any good at school and although im fine with people im also very happy to be alone and dont feel that i need people around me all the time.
    I guess i dont fit the bill 🙂

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  • I know that I have definitely lost my fun since my last baby. Its been an eye opener! thanks

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  • finding a healthy balance can be challenging with a family, i guess it requires practice and self monitoring to ensure that you are meeting your own needs as well as other demands in order to stay happy and well in all regards

    Reply

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